261 posts tagged with mother.
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Mother in Law said something about my not making enough money
How should I, or how should I have reacted when my Mother in Law made a comment about my wife making all the money? [more inside]
How to cope with narcissistic mothers lack of boundaries at Christmas?
I'm due to visit my mum (in her 70s) at Xmas. My lovely pregnant sister has estranged from her. This has been a long time coming - the final straw being a public shaming of sisters choice of baby name. I was estranged myself for 8+ years and I totally get that people do what they need to to survive - but how do I survive being 'in the middle'? [more inside]
Low-key mom's birthday events in DC
We'll be traveling from CA to Washington, DC, in a few days to meet my mother and stepfather, who'll be flying in from Massachusetts. The day after we arrive is my mother's birthday, and we'd like to celebrate it in a low-key, not-too-expensive way. But I'm stumped. [more inside]
Very sick parent - two questions
My mother is elderly and has been in hospital for three weeks (a year post cancer diagnosis). We are pragmatic, but I am also some flavours of ND and ashamed to ask anyone I know the difficult questions I have inside. [more inside]
Suspected borderline mother crossed a boundary. What to do
I am working for my parents' company while I get into a new career. I am dependent on this income for the next six months. In a few short months, my mother has pushed me far further than I ever thought possible. There is an absolute mess of words inside. I am sorry, I needed to vent. Main questions: a) what she did was bad, right? It's not just me? and b) how do I draw healthy boundaries? [more inside]
My mom hated being a mom. How can I become a mom?
My mom didn't like being a mom, and it's a mental block in my own path to motherhood. (I am not pregnant but am considering it within the next 1-2 years.) [more inside]
Looking for books about mother/daughter relationships
As the title says: I'm open to fiction and non-fiction. I am particularly interested in the perspective of daughters in the relationship dealing with not terrible but also not great mothers who were not always there for their daughters. Assume that the mother in question is not a narcissist nor does she have significant mental illness.
How to be famous except on the internet
My bio-mother is a narcissist. I'm usually low contact and live on the other side of the planet. Against my better judgement I invited her to my recent wedding. There she shared her opinion about me/my activities which could have only come from intense internet searches. Is it possible to maintain my privacy while growing my public profile? [more inside]
Tell me about your relationships with your bipolar parent.
Mefites with parents with bipolar disorder, tell me about your relationships with your parent. I am trying, and failing, to take care of my mother. I feel that I cannot get this right, and I have a lot of mixed up feelings about her/the situation. I don't know too many other people who have parents with mental illness. How do you cope with your parent's mental illness? [more inside]
How do you relate with your older parent?
I'm looking for examples of the roles and boundaries that have proven helpful (or that you recommend avoiding) in your relationship with your elderly parent. [more inside]
Songs in which a mother says not to do something, yet they do it
I am interested in songs (or poetry or indeed lit of any kind) which involve the trope of a mother telling someone not to do specific things, yet they do them anyway. Johnny Cash’s Folsom Prison Blues is the most obvious example. [more inside]
Friend's mother is bipolar, acting manic and paranoid, and getting worse
Hi folks. A friend of mine is having some issues with her mother, and asked me to post this for her.
Her mother is diagnosed bipolar, does not take anything for it, and has been acting stranger and more manic lately, and the family is unsure what to do and what resources are available. [more inside]
How to successfully merge families as adults?
Advice from those that have experienced the merging of households as adults - what worked best for you? How do you approach differences in parenting styles and how do you do all of this while strengthening your relationship and adjusting to moving under one roof together after both have lived on their own for years? [more inside]
Mother Goose 2.0
I am looking for a children's book that features Mother Goose's nursery rhymes, but with the words updated for today's generation. I want the rhymes to follow traditional Mother Goose and the writing to be less outdated or nonsensical.
I am sick of explaining to my toddler why the farmer's wife cut off the blind mice's tails with a carving knife—it's too macabre and pointless—but we love the traditional melodies. My dream is a nursery rhyme that uses 3 Blind Mice melody updated about the Black Lives Matter movement, for instance, or just less gibberish than the originals (I get that silly rhymes are fun for kids, so I'm open to that). Illustrations would also be great, since it's a kid's book.
How to overcome feelings of insecurity as a single mother?
37 year old single mama to a beautiful 6 year old little girl with whom I have full physical custody of. Her father is not in the picture right now other than virtually due to his choice to move across country. I have been single for 4 years with a couple of unfortunate dating experiences that I have gained a lot of insight from. I am by no means prioritizing my love life or dating over my daughter as she is my priority, but I do know that I would like my chance at love and a family. How can I get over feeling as if my life is just too much for anyone? How can I get past feeling insecure about my current situation enough to open up my life and heart to someone who seems very willing understanding and respectful of my situation. [more inside]
Advice Needed on Travel from Ontario to See Elderly Mother in Missouri
How can I safely travel from Ontario to Missouri this winter to help my 83-year old mother? The Air Canada flight I booked for December to February has been cancelled, leaving me unsure of my options. [more inside]
Why is my mom so different from other people's moms?
I know you are not my (or my mom's) mental health professionals but there is zero chance of my mother ever visiting a mental health professional and I'm just hoping someone with similar experiences might be able to give some insight into the decades long mystery of why my mom is so different from everyone else I've ever met. [more inside]
Spaying cats and their behavior
We need to get two sister cats that get along very well spayed. But we heard that cats who used to be close can end up not caring for each other post-surgery - is that true? [more inside]
Social outlets for new moms, preferably in person in Minneapolis?
My wife, an extrovert, is going stir crazy while home with our four week old son. She is looking for social gatherings with other new mothers, preferably in person in the Twin Cities. [more inside]
My 60 old mom keeps needing money. She's depressed. Wants to move in.
My 60 year old broke and depressed mother living in a different country is declining mentally and financially. She is wanting more and more money and also to live in with me. [more inside]
On lockdown with stonewalling elderly mother
My two teens, myself and my mother (80) are on COVID-19 lockdown and my mother's attitude is making things unbearable. She is extremely negative and constantly chastises the children and me, or else stonewalls me and even the kids at times. Do you have advice on how I can make the situation less unpleasant for us? [more inside]
Mother-Daughter Allergies
I find it extremely difficult to spend any time with my mother and suffer from strong irritation and the sort of almost-allergic reactions I associate with teenagers. Help! [more inside]
How can I help my brother and mother deal with each other?
They live together at home and I no longer live there, but I visit often. He's in his early 20s and I'm about 4 years older. He's been going through a rough time after graduating from college but taking a lot of his anger and frustrations out on my mom. It's tearing our small family apart. [more inside]
Popcorn movies where the lead is an emotionally-unavailable mom?
I feel like I've seen this trope a lot in popcorn movies: a mother is grieving something (usually the loss of her husband or another child) and for that reason she's not emotionally available to her kids. Then something threatens the family and by the end she's like, SUPER into her kids. Can you give examples of movies that do this (not TV shows?)
Songs that capture the feelings of motherhood
A friend has a baby undergoing a long-term NICU stay. I want to make her a sweet, loving playlist about motherhood. What songs do you know? [more inside]
concrete strategies for dealing with inevitable triggers
I need to go home and see my dad, who is sick. I haven't been home in 2 years. I will inevitably have to be around my mom and her disordered approaches to food and bodies (her own and her daughters'), which is very triggering for me. Please share ideas and coping strategies with me! [more inside]
Big birthday gift
My mom is having a big number birthday in a few weeks. What's a good gift? Caveats inside. [more inside]
How to deal with a very sensitive parent?
I keep hurting her feelings inadvertently [more inside]
Relationship councilling with my mother?
My mother wants to help me get over her parenting. How can I use this opportunity in healthy way for both of us? [more inside]
What exactly makes a parent NOT "good enough"?
"A good-enough mother like porn, we know her when we see her."
-- Winnicott, probably? [more inside]
Dealing with inherited possesions and letting go
Last April my mother passed away. I'm the only child and sole heir. I'm struggling with what to do with her stuff, and as a result, her house. She LOVED her stuff. Her house, now mine, is sitting unoccupied and still full of her possessions. I can't move forward with selling her house until I get rid of the contents, and I can't really rent it furnished with all of her furniture inside. I have to move forward but can't figure out how. [more inside]
Kitty troubles
I have 2 kitties - one that's 2 and one that's 6 months - and they used to be the best of friends. The older one treated the younger like her own kitten. But lately she's been hissing and swatting at him whenever he gets near? What is going on? How can I help?? [more inside]
How do I start distancing from a toxic clingy mother?
I'm 26 years old Asian female, and mom is 52 years old. I'm her only child and I lived with her and my dad in their house until about a year ago. I now live 2 hours away with a fiance, and we would visit a couple times a month. Mom and I used to be very close and we had very little boundary. She doesn't have good relationship with my dad or any relatives, so she sees me as a source of entertainment, demanding mother-daughter trips to the mall every weekend. [more inside]
I've ruined the carpet and think WW3 might erupt. Help!
Mental health issues wrapped up with hoarding accident inside. [more inside]
What are some good books to help a friend through mother's cancer?
A very good friend of mine's mother was diagnosed with stage four cancer and is not expected to survive more than a year. I have a hard time in knowing the right words because I have not had the experience of losing someone very close to me. I was looking for books to buy her to help her deal with the feelings she is feeling right now, and ways to prepare her. Also, I was looking for a book that they could fill in together with memories- sort of the books, why I love you when you fill in the blanks- but something a mother and daughter could do together to remember happy times together and something she could keep for memories. Most of the books I'm finding are after death and coping with that, but not the whole process in living with your loved one knowing they will be passing away in a few months and how to make the best of the time. Any good suggestions for these?
New boundaries in my new apartment (for same old mom)
Life circumstances conspired to make me move back in with my mother three years ago. Now I have my own apartment again and will be moving in the next few days. My new place is 20 minutes from hers, and I'm worried about the micromanaging and boundary crossing. She does not respect verbal boundaries at all, and I'm trying to figure out nonverbal ways to establish boundaries. [more inside]
How to reconcile a loving relationship with an abuser?
Sometimes the memories of childhood trauma and abuse perpetuated by my mother can return with great force — either inspired by current stresses or more recently, watching the Patrick Melrose series on Showtime. I’m so grateful that my mother is so much happier now that I’m an adult and that we have a loving, healthy relationship. Yet, when I feel the pain of my childhood so acutely it can be difficult to reconcile the mother of my childhood with how she is now. I’m not quite sure how to describe it — I feel like I’m living a lie in some way, or torn in two, or that celebrating what we have now is discounting or even perpetuating my childhood pain and isolation. [more inside]
What sort of things would a new mom enjoy knitting?
I have a friend's birthday coming up: She's pregnant with her 2nd child and is a knitter. I have an idea to put together a knitting kit for her so she'll have a project to work on while she's off work with the new baby. I'd buy the pattern, yarn, & materials and package it all up nice as a birthday gift; now all I need is ideas! [more inside]
Fun things for my Mom to do in the DC-area
My mother is visiting the Virginia/Washington D.C. area the last week of July and would like some suggestions of interesting/beautiful things to do. [more inside]
Mother is dying, how to deal with guilt
My mother is dying of hypersensitive pneumonitis, they think she may have only a few months or so hard to tell. My brother and I take turns staying with her as she shouldn't be alone. I do not mind taking care of my mother but I will admit I miss my day to day life/routine....I feel guilty knowing that in order to get it back means my Mom will no longer be with us. [more inside]
How can I honestly be there for my mother?
Looking for suggestions and mid to long-term strategies for being there and caring for my mom despite several issues related to my childhood. Details inside. [more inside]
Individuation
I'm working on individuation from my parents. I've been asked by my therapist to list 12 things each, for mother and father, that I'm thankful for. 12 is a big number in this realm ... [more inside]
Mommy Dearest
How do I continue my relationship with my mother? Wall below. [more inside]
Gifts for the hard-to-buy-for mother
My wonderful mother has a birthday soon, and she has, or can get, everything. Help me buy something meaningful! [more inside]
I don't know what to do about my elderly mentally ill alcoholic mother
I'm at a point where my mother's mere existence is causing me so much stress. I don't know what to do or how to deal with her for the rest of her life. I wrote these three questions about her. I've taken the advice and encouragement given to me in those posts and I'm in the process of moving out, but what next? I'm at such a loss. I don't know what to do about her. [more inside]
Do I Call My Mother Back?
My parents attempt to control me through guilt and threats (Mother) and financial power (Father.) This has affected my entire life. Recently I took several steps to distance myself from them. These include not letting my mother blackmail me emotionally, and refusing any further financial assistance from my father. The last time I talked to them on the phone was in April. We have communicated via e-mail ever since .
Two days ago, my father left on a ten-day trip, and asked that I "have a heart"and call my elderly and depressed (depressed in my opinion, since she refuses to see a therapist) mother, who is alone while he is away. I am working hard to build and maintain boundaries with them. Do I call her back? [more inside]
Family question re siblings
Mrs. L’s two grand nieces (A. aged 11) and (S. aged 14) are back home with their mother from staying with their father for the summer break. This has been happening for the last several years with no problems.
However, A. (previously very much a Mommy’s girl) now says she is unhappy and wants to return to live with her father. [more inside]
Friend wants to meet my mom but my mom doesn't like her. How to handle?
I live in a studio apartment, across the country from where I grew up. My mom is visits me in my apartment every year, and stays with me for 2 weeks. I've lived out here in CA for 6 years, and have met really nice friends and built a social life all on my own (for the first time in my 34 years). One of the first friends I met out here, let's just call her J, she is a bit older than my mom (J is in her mid-60s and my mom is in her early 60s). J was my first friend out here and we met through a mutual love of taking long walks and we enjoy each other's company. [more inside]
(S)mother
I have a long, ongoing feud with my mother. She is a narcissist and a drama queen and everything revolves around her and her needs. I am 47 years old and this has been going on forever. We recently stopped all contact. Last contact I had with her was mid-March when she hung up on me for the second time in as many months. I am disinclined to have any contact. However.... [more inside]
Is it possible to cut off just *one* toxic family member?
My mother is evil, but my siblings and father are nice (if passive and somewhat in denial). What to do? [more inside]