235 posts tagged with guilt.
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should I reveal my one time infidelity to my gf?
i've (24 M) been together with a lovely girl for about 8 months now. nearly three months ago I made an extremely rash decision and received oral sex from a younger man. I feel so guilty and remorseful but have mainly decided to not tell her. now I've been left questioning the morality of this decision over and over again. I love her so much but the betrayal I committed has been eating at me. but I'm not sure what to do given the circumstances... [more inside]
Not Guilty
My therapist has helped me to gain insight into the fact that most of my life has been lived out of a response to various types of guilt. Do you have any suggestions on how to start living life with pleasure and joy? [more inside]
I think I am not fully attracted to the girl I am dating
I think I am not fully attracted to the girl I am dating, but I really like her personality and we get along great.
I've been dating this woman I met online now for about two months now (1-2 times a week) and I'll be honest, I do not feel the ‘spark’. The girl is beautiful to me, and I really liked her when I saw her first time with that wonderful smile. Actually I though “Damn I will have problem with that smile”. [more inside]
How do you cope after accidentally hurting/killing an animal?
I think I stepped on a toad, which has activated a spiral of self-hatred. I really like amphibians. I've been active with local toad rescue organizations this last year, so I've held a lot of these little guys, and I've fallen in love with them a little bit. I feel terrible now. [more inside]
How to accept the guilt and live on?
Took PEP for 28 days and it destroyed my health/life [more inside]
How badly did I screw up here?
My mom is in a bad spot and needs help. She wanted to stay with me, and I said no, but offered to get her a hotel. She's definitely hurt and has gone silent. I'm trying to sort out whether I'm being a callous asshole, or an adult setting reasonable boundaries. There are many snowflake details. [more inside]
Is it ok to take a whole week of rest?
I am looking for advice on how you give yourself “permission” to take several consecutive days of rest when you are in good health. Is their research that backs up taking periods of rest? Are their cultural traditions that back this up? [more inside]
Could an earlier vet visit have saved this cat?
I cat-sat my friend's cat a few days ago and the cat became ill and was dead by the time I got her to the vet. The vet said it was her heart - could I have saved her by acting faster? [more inside]
How do I accept my limitations and be okay with letting others down?
I have been a people-pleaser my entire life. Therapy has helped me get better at drawing boundaries. However, I still struggle with saying 'no' to the people I love the most, even though I'm often unable to meet their needs because of chronic illness. My loved ones are understanding and supportive--how can I show that same kindness to myself? [more inside]
Where would you take a foreign exchange student on spring break?
Where would you take a 17-year-old European exchange student (to the U.S.) on a 5-day spring break trip? She will be traveling with her adult host parents. She is mildly adventurous, loves taking cool selfies for social media, and really embraces the excitement of being an exchange student in the U.S. [more inside]
Can I skip this funeral?
An aunt of mine is dying, probably in the next few days. Jewish Tradition means there will be a funeral pretty soon after she dies, followed by seven days of Shiva. I'm not sure whether I want to go to the funeral/shiva, I feel a bit obliged to, but don't really feel like I want to. Looking for suggestions [more inside]
Looking for (non-romantic) songs about shame, grief and betrayal
Asking for a friend who's having a really tough time at work. If you know about institutional betrayal, that's what she's going through. She is seeking music to help her through this. Songs from artists with marginalized identities (women, racialized people, 2SLGBTQIA+) would be especially welcome. [more inside]
Handling guilt after betraying my own values around COVID
I recklessly went to a concert unmasked while having what I thought were allergy symptoms, and then tested positive for COVID a day later. I've been very careful during the pandemic—but I majorly messed up here. How do I move forward with the guilt in a healthy yet accountable way? [more inside]
How Do I Acquire a Healthy Distance from a Clingy FWB?
I am single (F) and recently signed up on a dating app. Met a couple (M/F) in a public place earlier this month who opened their relationship over a decade ago, and we hooked up the same night we met. I realize I'm not attracted to the man but I am still to the woman. We decided to be FWB. She has become very clingy and wants to hang out at every free moment. What is your advice? [more inside]
my ex-friends hate me and i can't handle it
I'm a college senior in my early 20s. In my freshman year, I became very close friends with four other women. Then, in my junior year, I systematically destroyed those friendships by being an asshole and a bad friend. I apologized immediately, and tried to apologize again last year, but they've asked me not to contact them. I'm afraid that they hate me now, and I can never do anything to change their opinion of me, and it drives me bonkers. [more inside]
Am I selfish for wanting my father to wear clean clothes to my wedding?
I am getting married in a few months. My father is very resistant to anything he considers "dressing up," and I am feeling a lot of guilt around considering asking him to be more presentable for my upcoming wedding. I can't tell if I'm being unreasonable in wanting to say something, and if I do decide to say something, I don't know the kindest way to talk to him. [more inside]
How do I deal with guilt after putting my dog down?
I had to put my dog down today. She was a black lab mix, and lived to age 16. Her passing was very peaceful, which I am grateful for. I had a vet come out to the house and I fed her lots of nice treats and loved on her as she received the sedative and then the injection.
I'm feeling a lot of sadness over losing her, but I'm especially feeling guilt over the way I treated her towards the end of her life. [more inside]
Please help me not move in with my ailing parents
My dad is in the hospital again and things don't look good, while my mother can hardly see. I'm an only child and I've been driving down to my (hated) hometown to help them a few days per week and doing as much for them as I can from home, but I have my own health issues and my parents simply need more than I can give. They haven't said it in so many words, but I feel like the pressure is mounting for me to move in with them to help. This can't happen. [more inside]
Coping with a break up that is your fault
Cycle of mistrust and infidelity, how to cope when *you* are the bad guy in a break up. Details below. Please do not read if you cannot (understandably) feel sympathy for a cheating partner. [more inside]
I can't fix this and I don't know what to do
I have damaged the property of someone who trusts me for the second time and I am panicking and don't know how to tell her or proceed. [more inside]
How did you learn to talk kindly to yourself about being a hermit?
If you have an abnormally high need for solitude, and once felt guilty about it but have come to feel not-guilty, how did you make that change? Answers that are not just "go to therapy", please; that does not work for everyone. [more inside]
On rest, productivity, spontaneity, and balance; how to schedule time?
Hello. I am curious to know how fellow humans balance their time. Do you purposefully plan rest days? Do you work your butt off and only rest when you burn out? Do you set aside a chunk of time each day to relax, or every week? Month? How do you turn off the “productive” / hustle mindset when there’s always something to be done? [more inside]
Post-relationship time-wasting regret
I'm feeling a lot of regret for staying in a long relationship that didn't work out, and could use some help feeling validated. [more inside]
How to let go of guilt, and forive yourself for becoming the toxic one?
Currently in the post-break up learning phase where I'm trying to acknowledge my part in the demise, along with things I can learn moving forward, but am stuck in the guilt / shame feelings of blame for becoming the toxic person. How can I learn from this while at the same time not beating myself up for my poor behavior and feeling as if it was my fault? [more inside]
How to deal with guilt associated with hiring?
Through the course of my jobs, I help recruit folks: some people I know through my network, some people in the industry. It's sometimes a rewarding experience, but I feel guilty the moment that they have a hard time at the company and much guiltier if I leave the company before they do. I feel like I led them the wrong way, or let them down. Is this normal? Can I change this? [more inside]
Why do I take breakups - which I initiate - so hard?
In the 5 most significant relationships in my life, I have become tired of the person after around a year, won't leave the relationship because I'm scared of hurting them, then when my indifference becomes more obvious, the other person leaves me—and then I'm devastated for a long period of time - what is wrong with me? [more inside]
I am pregnant but don’t want to be
After a night of carelessness we got pregnant. We don’t want to be pregnant right now, we’ve only been married slightly more than a year. We are just not ready. Please help me sort my thoughts out. [more inside]
I didn't vote for this horror & I'm sorry, but I'm not here as a proxy
How can I preclude hostility from online ELL adults (group classes)? I got through the first wave or two of being expected to answer for the US's actions that occurred during/after the 2016 election. But this last weekend was the most recent punch in the gut- a Yemeni student, rather than introducing himself with his job, interests, etc he gave details on what Yemen is currently experiencing, which I'm aware of. I tried to say some supportive things, and told him I need to focus for everyone here but I was nearly in tears because of course he was right. Can you suggest anything I could say to prevent this oblique 'attack?' I don't know if I can stomach any more of the anecdotes like the latter, the dogpiling, the snide shitty attitudes I can get just for being American at them. But what can I say? How can I prevent this, or indicate we're on the same side without becoming a blubbering puddle? Any thoughts would be appreciated. -A little more inside- [more inside]
Tech Jobs for SJWs
I'm a backend web developer at a corporate job for a not-super-ethical company. I want to move my career in the direction of, well...doing something good for the world. Is that even possible? Where do I start? [more inside]
Extreme guilt after inappropriate cuddling
I am in a relationship, but cuddled inappropriately with a friend. I am drowning in guilt and don't know what to do. Please help me gain some perspective on this. [more inside]
How to cope with guilt when wanting to break up?
I (F29) been together with my boyfriend (29) for nearly 2 years (living together 1). He has many wonderful traits, but he is insecure and anxious inside, and thus is rather suffocating, and he has also other traits I do not like. I tried to break up once, but we ended up still sticking together. He has improved somewhat, but I am pretty sure I do not want to continue the relationship. But I feel incredibly sorry for him and awfully guilty. How do I deal with these feelings? [more inside]
Dealing with guilt about being introverted
I am very introverted, and have come to accept this (I have read books like Susan Cain's The Power of Introverts).
But I feel guilty and like I'm letting my family, friends and even new acquaintances down.
How do I deal with this? [more inside]
Growing Pains
A friendship is changing now that I have a better job (and more money) than my friend. Can you offer some perspective? [more inside]
Help me get over this mistake and request more helpful feedback
The way that I get feedback on my work is driving me up the wall and I need help separating out my own issues so I can request it in a more helpful way! I’m a freelancer, and for the past 7 years I’ve worked remotely with the sole employee of a design studio for virtually all of my work. I consider her to be essentially my boss but we obviously don’t have a typical employee/manager formal relationship. [more inside]
When to say I want to leave
Like many this time of year, it seems, I'm at a point where I want to tell my spouse that I want to leave. Problem: When to do it. Specifics below the fold. [more inside]
Dealing with attraction to a partnered friend
I have romantic feelings for a friend – who is (uncertainly) married. Looking for advice on managing this and keeping the friendship healthy and non-weird. [more inside]
A bad trip
What do I say to a friend who will guilt trip me for falling out of contact? [more inside]
How to deal with feeling guilty over treating myself?
I'm turning a milestone age this year and have a nice stash of money saved up. I decided to buy myself a big birthday present with it. But now that I'm about to spend all that money, I'm feeling a tremendous amount of guilt. Instead of feeling like, "I earned this through a lot of hard work, I saved and waited a long time for it, I deserve to treat myself," the guilty feeling is kind of ruining my excitement over the purchase. How do I deal? [more inside]
Blame Shame and Guilt
I’m blaming myself for my child’s “failures”. How to get out of this destructive pattern? [more inside]
Dealing with guilt and regret after majorly fucking up
After several years of being a fuck-up, including withdrawing from two semesters of college, I finally feel as if I'm on somewhat solid ground. But the persistent guilt and regret of wasting so much time, money, and privilege weighs constantly on my mind. How do I accept responsibility for my past without having it ruin my future? [more inside]
Mother is dying, how to deal with guilt
My mother is dying of hypersensitive pneumonitis, they think she may have only a few months or so hard to tell. My brother and I take turns staying with her as she shouldn't be alone. I do not mind taking care of my mother but I will admit I miss my day to day life/routine....I feel guilty knowing that in order to get it back means my Mom will no longer be with us. [more inside]
Just had our first tough moment, she just forgave me, I need some advice
Last Saturday, my girlfriend and I faced our first tough moment. (she's my first one, we've been going out nearly a year, she lives an hour away, we see each other on average 3 weekends a month.) It really was all my fault. We are both intensely busy and stressed - me with my coursework and her with finishing up her internship as a school psychologist and graduating with a Masters in May. As she put it, this past Saturday was the last weekend where she could have a moment free from stress. [more inside]
How to survive saying goodbye
My husband and I agreed that the quality of life for our sweet 14 year old puppy is getting pretty bad and we need to put her to sleep. My rational brain knows this is the right thing. As the date gets closer, I feel like a prisoner in the Tower waiting for the gallows. How do I even do this? [more inside]
Navigating guilt of breaking up a good but unfulfilling relationship..
How do I accept myself for making such a decision? [more inside]
How do we come to terms with not giving our dog a good death?
Our Sophie had been slowing down; our deaf girl had arthritis and ever enlarging tumors on her legs starting to affect her mobility, in addition to other chronic conditions continually expanding our medication collection. She'd been recently diagnosed with cancer, but the vet was actually optimistic about this, saying treatment could improve her quality of life and keep her comfortable. [more inside]
Hesitant to insert myself into messy family issue
Am I obligated to involve myself in this awful family drama? Is there anything I can do to help without being pulled into it? [more inside]
The slow numb horror of it all
I feel like I'm having a panic attack and my mind just goes blank when I try to figure out what the hell to do next with regard to my marriage. I'm experiencing total decision fatigue and paralysis when it comes to making any choices here, and I feel weary of running this by my friends and therapist over and over from various angles. Can you help me think this through? [more inside]
What do I do with an enormous wooden cradle?
My father made a cradle for me as a baby. It's really an amazing piece of furniture -
put together with no nails, perfectly sanded, and just generally lovely. What do I do with it? [more inside]
Returning from separation
I separated from my spouse for the summer. Now I'm going back. What should I be considering? [more inside]
Help me not feel guilty about reading during the day.
I have a freelance writing/editing life with a workflow that varies and a schedule I regulate, at least in part. I have nice gaps of open time, some days more than others, but my schedule is nicely flexible. [more inside]