[go: up one dir, main page]
More Web Proxy on the site http://driver.im/
Showing posts with label comedy gold. Show all posts
Showing posts with label comedy gold. Show all posts

Monday, November 18, 2024

How We Undid It - wherein we scoop the Babylon Bee!

"Who's sorry now, Chlamydia?
Suck it, bitch!"














(Aesociated Press) BREAKING -

Highly placed sources in the Harris campaign have revealed what they believe is smoking crack gun evidence of how they lost the election, with conclusive proof it was all Biden's fault.

In a detailed allegation, they explained in depth and detail how Sam Brinton, the disgraced transvestite kleptomaniac appointed by the Biden regime as the perfect man woman person to oversee nuclear waste (what could possibly go wrong there?), was recalled from ignominious disgrace to be the key player needed to help undermine and ultimately undo the Harris/Walz presidential campaign, literally at the last possible minute.

In a story reminiscent of James Bond, the explanation is that in Operation Cornpop,  Brinton was assigned, by Biden loyalists still seething at the coup that ousted Joe from his re-election bid - to travel by air from Miami to Dallas on November 5th. During this trip, using his acknowledged expertise in luggage theft, he stole five suitcases - two in Florida, and three in Texas - containing tens of thousands of pre-printed mail-in ballots for Harris and Walz from those respective states, shortstopping them from getting to their destinations with Harris campaign operatives in crucial precincts in each state, in order to run them through ballot counting machines in both states thousands of times on election eve.

Brinton bringing home the goods at a Dallas suburb
 safehouse at the end of Operation Cornpop.

























As a direct result, lacking those ballots, in neither state was the Harris campaign able to manufacture an additional 2,000,000 imaginary votes in each state, which familiar Blue Hump would have swung 70 electoral votes from Trump to Harris, changing a resounding Harris defeat into a stinging trouncing of Trump, and moving the tally from 312-226 in Trump's favor, to 296-242 into Harris' favor, and making her the first Indian Black cackling 80-IQ prostitute to occupy the presidency.

Laying out the details of the successful caper, one key staffer remarked, "Hey, it's one thief robbing another thief. What are they going to do? Call the cops on us?? As if! Sometimes, you just have to shank a skank to get respect!"

Tuesday, July 30, 2024

Knock, Knock.

Way better than Trunk Monkey, and a lot more fun!
You've all got yours, right...?

 

Wednesday, July 10, 2024

Murderous Leftist Shoots Self In Dick! Hilarity Follows!

Also 2 Job Losses, 1 Firing, and 1 Fleeing For His Life. Huzzah!




















But we're talking about Matt Croyle, who's probably been putting the "tard" in "Libtard" for pretty much his entire adult life.

What are we talking about?

"In the age of social media, a single post can alter lives in an instant. This was the harsh reality for Matt Croyle, a resident of Oil City, and until recently, the city's First Ward Constable.

Croyle's now-infamous X post on July 3rd has not only gone viral, but he says has also cost him his job, his civic role, and potentially his place in his hometown.

Dulce et decorum est. 

O frabjous day! Callou! Callay!

File this communist shit's whinging under Boo frickin' hoo.

The post, intended to express his fear of increasing political extremism and the potential for civil conflict, he says, was immediately met with backlash and went viral, amplified by influential figures on the platform.

Nice try, lying shitbags, but it was multiple posts, including hoping "some pissed-off left-wing whackadoodle" took pot shots at a former president and current presidential front-runner, while advocating the murder of every one of his supporters as necessary.

There was no "fear of increasing political extremism", Gavin Fish, you mendacious communist twatwaffle, your fellow bomb-thrower Croyle was throwing molotov cocktails onto the bonfire of political extremism, and only a lying sack of shit with the same belief system could characterize his delusional rants as anything but inflammatory incitement to murder on a nationwide scale. 

In the controversy's wake, Croyle posted an open letter to the community, attempting to clarify his intentions and address the fallout.

"I did not, and would not, advocate for the killing of, or threaten, anyone. Period." he wrote.

Yes, in fact, crocodile-teary Croyle did issue the above bald-faced lies, to no one's surprise, and convincing absolutely no one. He also advocated that people should commit mass murder on a antionwide scale over political beliefs, as most communist pig traitors do. Douchebadges gonna douchbadge, and Leftard lying mediaholes gonna be Leftard lying mediaholes. I'm surprised Fish could type this twaddle with his tongue so far up Croyle's asshole, but apparently he's flexible both morally and physically.

Croyle admitted he made a mistake when he made his post.











"That was a huge mistake on my part because I'm the least scary person in the world. I am not violent by any means. I don't want anything to do with violence. If that hypothetical situation that I was talking about were to ever happen, I would literally leave the country," he stated.

Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight, says the Bullshit Artist caught with his social media pants around his ankles. He just wanted to let everyone else know that they should "kill their friends and family members who support Trump". But Mattie-poo had no intention of doing any such thing, because he's so fragile, and gentle, and peaceful. Matt Croyle is the kindest, bravest, warmest, most wonderful human being I've known in my life.

And totally full of nothing but shit, from the soles of his feet to the crown of his empty head.

And after (gasp!) Matt the Terrorist got caught expressing exactly the criminal terroristic threats he couldn't help but post, what happened?

Following the backlash, Croyle said he deleted his X and Facebook accounts and went into hiding to protect himself and his loved ones.

"It's just beyond my comprehension. My initial instinct was to protect myself and anybody else I care about. And that was the reasoning for disappearing online."

In short, Croyle admits he was too fucking stupid to know that hoping for a political assassination that would probably trigger open civil war, and openly calling for the outright murder of 80M-90M Americans was liable to get him punched in the mouth, or worse, especially while living in a town with a population of under 10,000 people, in a majority-Republican county. Until he suddenly figured it out, just about the time the local fuzz, the state police, and the Secret Service all came calling to talk about his fever dreams of assassination and mass murder, helpfully posted online for the whole world to see.

Croyle said his post, and the subsequent fallout, led to his resignation from his position as constable.

Yeah, criminal investigations of terrorist threats by badged and sworn officers of the state tend to have that kind of fallout.

"I did not want the county to have any kind of fallout, or backlash, about me being an elected official," he explained.

He also didn't want to face a grand jury over those statements, and pull three to five years in a PA or federal prison.

_____________________________________________________

FOR ENQUIRING MINDS:

BTW, in the so-called 2023 election Croyle allegedly "won", there were no candidates filed, and Croyle received exactly one (1) write-in vote - HIS OWN, presumably - (out of 15 such). I'm not making that up: see page 21 of Vanango County Election Reports for yourself. Kind of makes one wonder how Croyle was [s]elected, with a 12-way tie, do'n'it? 

















And why, praytell, nobody else wrote him in. No adult relatives?? No friends? He could have been the clear winner if he'd gotten just one more legal vote. Anyone else smell fish here? 

Somebody want to call Hannity? Glenn Beck? Just wondering...

______________________________________________________

His desire to protect the integrity of elections had driven him to run for constable, he said, rather than a desire to work in law enforcement.

He said he also lost his job at a local non-profit.

All together now: "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwww, what a terrible shame!" You psychotic piece of shit. Hopefully you have to flee to worker's paradises like Cuba or Venezuela for the rest of your miserable life, too, and get the shit kicked out of you there, for good measure.

And save your gas, Matt: we've seen what Democommunists think are "free and fair" elections in PA. 









Were you going to bring your own Black Panther thugs to the polling stations, or do they provide them for you when you call? And will you be able to sell the posterboard and plywood you had stockpiled for those 3AM vote counts behind blacked out windows, 










or is that going to be a sunk cost you can't recover? Maybe you can sell them to Pantifa, to use as shields and signs at their next riot.

So Criminal Croyle is now no longer even a Keystone Kop Konstable, one step ahead of the criminal indictments, and also fired from some other leftist non-profit that doesn't want any of the heat - or crazy - Matt brings wherever he walks now. And he's in hiding(!). Sounds like he got off lightly.

This couldn't have happened to a more deserving Leftard murderous piece of shit. And his caterwauling and pants-pissing self-pity party about gravity working is going to have us laughing all the way to end of the year.

Word to your mother, Matt: You live in a 58% [R]epublican county. The kind of PA county that produced guys like the ones we saw in The Deer Hunter. So you'd best be looking over your shoulder pretty much every day until you die. You took the mask off, asshole. We know what you're about. Maybe some perfectly sensible, clever, rational, right-wing Everyday Joe may decide PA doesn't need your kind anymore.

Perhaps you'd best look into a plane ticket to Havana. I don't think you have much future in Oil City any more. And it only took you telling the truth about your hopes and dreams, and seven days in America, to get us there.

How great is that, America!

This blog takes great pleasure (when the laughter dies down) in presenting Matt Croyle, formerly of Oil City PA the well-deserved award of the FAFO Medal, for incredible stupidity and mendacity in public. We give you sincere congratulations on your first award, Matt, and express our heartfelt desire that you earn a second award very soon, hopefully with a gold star denoting posthumous recognition.























We're extremely happy about any part we played in exposing you and bringing about your current situation, and only wish we could've done more. Because you richly deserve everything you've gotten, and everything that follows, plus oh so much more.

Oh, and Moldylocks says "Hi."

















We leave shitbag Croyle and the online jackhole giving him the linked and quoted oh-so-sad ceremonial tongue bath with but one more happy thought as consolation for all the violence they keep wistfully and witlessly egging on, as if they're somehow both invisible and bulletproof:

Leftards: You're not going to get what you like,
and you're not going to like what you get.


Thursday, July 4, 2024

Goose, Meet Sauce

Many of you have seen this douchebadge online recently:

Captured widely before he deleted it.










Seems Matt thinks the internet works only one way. Pisser.

So I had a little look around. !!!

Linkie

Meet Matt Croyle. He is an elected official in Pennsylvania. Even worse, he’s a state constable. After being exposed for posting threatening messages about Trump supporters, he deleted his X account. I went to his Facebook, where he’s still active, & found a post where he wished an assassination attempt against Trump. I did some more digging & it appears he’s a fan of democrat Governor Shapiro, too. Spoke with the Pennsylvania Constable office & the Oil City Police Department, as well as sent an email w/ the threatening messages. Perhaps, he deserves a Secret Service visit, too. It would be a shame if this went viral.

Yes, that's all correct. it turns out that Matthew J. Croyle, 47, of Oil City PA was elected to a 6-year term as a state constable, from Ward 1 in Oil City, PA, last December 27. Which is a badged-and-sworn LEO elected job with some rather oddball quasi-police duties in PA. 









Bonus factoid: Once you explore PA constables, now you know where the Keystone Kops comedy trope idea came from.

Linkie

But wait! there's more!

Show me the man, and I'll show you the crime.








I'm sure this is just the sort of thing local, state, and federal officials, not to mention all the local and regional papers, would like to know about Mr. Croyle, and just the sort of behavior they and the citizenry encourage in elected state officials.

I think it's also pretty clear who the pissed-off far-left whackadoodle is in this episode.

For the reader's reference:

PA Criminal Code §2706: Terroristic threats

FYI:

State Of Pennsylvania

Pennsylvania Attorney General's Office

16th floor, Strawberry Square

Harrisburg, PA 17120

Main Office number: (717) 787-3391

PA AG contact website

BTW, tomorrow is a work day for them.

Venango County PA

Shawn White

District Attorney

P.O. Box 831

Franklin, PA 16323

(814) 432-9598

D.A. website

Oil City PA

Chief of Police David Ragon OCPD main number (814) 678-3080

They even have a "Report a Crime" button on their website.

City Manager Mark G. Schroyer, the Mayor, and the City Council might also like a heads-up re: "Constable" Croyle.

Mgr. Schroyer can be contacted at (814) 678-3012.

He has a web page as well.


Just a wild hunch, but I'm sure the local, county, and state officials in that part of Pennsylvania (Venango County, PA: 58% Republican) would loooooove to read all about what an unhinged lunatic the folks of Oil City have elected as a State Constable, and what sort of nutjobbery he's been up to online this week.

That's before any reports to the Secret Service. Right?

I'm sure those folks will fall about the place laughing, knowing that a badged and sworn PA state LEO thinks whackadoodles taking potshots at former presidents and current presidential candidates is amusing. Because they're so well-known for their love of that kind of knee-slapping hijinks.

United States Secret Service contact website

Be a good citizen.

They might think it's a good idea to have a sit-down convo with Mr. Croyle every time President Trump drops into the Keystone State between now and November. It's a battleground state, so Mr. Croyle may become an awfully popular fellow for the feds to have chats with this summer and fall.

BTW, the Wikipedia page for PA State Constables has a lengthy list of the recent former ones thrown out of office for various crimes and misdeeds. Imagine that.

There may be good cause for a Red Flag order too. Croyle sounds a wee bit unhinged. Stranger things have happened.

Feel free to contact the local newspapers and TV stations in nearby Pittsburgh:

CBS

NBC

ABC

There's also the ABC affiliate in Erie, PA.

Maybe Friday is a slow news day for some of them.

Let's hope Mr. Croyle enjoys his covfefe as much as his coffee, and has an interesting month or two.


BTW, if you imagine me struggling to stay upright in my chair as I typed this, while convulsing in laughter, you wouldn't be too far off the mark.

Saturday, May 11, 2024

Part The Third: Divide Et Vince









We've made some wee suggestions about things you can do for the current, or any, Leftardian shenanigans that "spontaneously" spring into being, from now to eternity.

And we hope, nay expect, people with a wicked sense of humor, and the good sense to STFU, will go and do those things, and many more that we haven't even thought of.

1) Because it's a moral imperative, and

2) Because it's both fun, and funny as hell.

But before anyone trots out to do unto the most deserving Useful Idiots, a small caveat.

Counter-revolutionary activity (and that's precisely what we're talking about, in both Marxist-Leninist terms, and actual fact) may be expected by the Leftardian minions (who are always crazy, but not always bag-of-hammers stupid), and always leaves a wake like old steam torpedoes, letting said Useful Idiots shoot a back azimuth to you. Or at least, to your side, and any convenient like-minded individuals. Bad juju.

TPTB, whether outright sponsoring the current struggle sessions, or just happy to see them happen for a host of reasons, all bad, will think pretty much exactly the same way.

This will lead to all sorts of hate and discontent coming back at you and your like-minded colleagues, perhaps in manyfold doses over the original.

But you're playing chess at the grand master level, remember?

You saw this move coming before you started out. And probably another five to ten other moves. (Srsly, if you haven't thought of this step, sit down, posit Move A, and then work out the next five to ten things that will cause to happen. Figure out where the heat will land, and work out how to Be Somewhere Else.)

That may mean being physically somewhere else, but that probably isn't going to cut it.

You need, not to move yourself, but to move the "X" ring off of yourself.

By putting the crosshairs on a better patsy to take the rap, and the wrath.

Small case in point, to illustrate the bigger picture:

Back in the day, there was a certain amount of sass being tossed back and forth between some young ladies, and some young gentlemen.

The gentlemen in question decided the solution to this, was to send out invitations to about 50 people announcing a surprise birthday party for one of the ladies in question. With instructions to tell neither of the two (who were roommates.)

They tagged along, showed up with everyone else, and the surprise party was a total surprise. Not least of which, because it was neither girl's birthday, and they suddenly found themselves hosting an impromptu party, to which people had brought food and presents.

Within a few days, no one could prove, but everyone "knew", who had ginned up the whole affair. 1 point for cleverness. But what moved this game into a higher element was when, a couple of weeks later, a Chili and Chocolate Cake Party was announced at the two guys' apartment. Once again, droves of folks showed up, and the two guys acted totally shocked, as if they had been paid back, and naturally, everyone "knew" they had been paid back by the two ladies who started things.

Everybody, except the two gentlemen, because they had organized both parties.

This came out months later, under vows of secrecy, to a couple of other people. One of whom might have been me. They got two parties to happen, which cost them nothing. They made it look like the ladies were the culprits in retaliation. And chili and chocolate cake were their favorite foods. Pure coincidence, of course.

So they got fed twice, with leftovers for a week the second time, and made it look like someone else's deed. Genius.

And the ladies who got blamed couldn't have paid people to believe they were innocent of the reprisal "surprise". Nobody was buying that story.

That, dear friends, is "dekeing", i.e. decoying the blame onto a convenient patsy.

In this case, no harm, no foul, but a lifelong lesson.

So, wait, how does this relate to campus Leftards?

Thanks for asking.

You have Useful Idiots, who are literally Roused Rabble, in service of outside agitators' agenda. They are quite literally a rent-a-mob, and they bring their own outrage.

So how to take the heat off yourself and like-minded folks, and shift it where it will do the most harm?

Like Caesar with Gaul, and like the pizza in the post header pic, you Divide And Conquer.

This is already happening. You're now going to grease the skids, and put a JATO bottle behind it.

It's a pro-Hamas/anti-Israel rally?

Wunderbar!

Leave calling cards. 

Calling what?

Little items that make it look like somebody's being pissed on, and pissed off, by the rally, from the Leftard side of the zoo.

Gin up some anti-Jewish rhetoric. Flyers, posts, memes, manifestos. You're Pro-Hamas, so you don't just hate the Jooooos! in Israel, or the ones invading Gaza, you hate all of them.

See how that goes over at the local temple on shabbat. Baby, meet bathwater. Feel free to pile on with swastikas. Let's get the Stormfront crowd tarred for things too.

Then, when some of your actual shenanigans start happening, make it look like Jooooooos! were behind it.

Then, put on your LGBTQWERTYEIEIO hat, and get all butthurt, because the pro-Hamas people are talking (in your voice, somehow) about making sure than the next meeting of the Muslims Students Association and the LGBTQWERTEIEIO Alliance takes place on the roof of the campus admin building. Two groups enter, one group leaves.

Let the LGBTQWERTYEIEIO folks now get all butthurt at the pro-Muslim folks for gay-phobic intolerance.

Hey, waitaminute?? How come you Cracker Kids are having a rally for brown people over there, and ignoring all the Black Lives That Matter getting capped right here?!?

Take out your BLM sock puppet, and question why all those white kids are more worked up about Achmed over there than they are about Tyrone and Laqueesha right up the street. And how come they're all playing kissy-huggy-touchy-feely with the cops that been shootin' Cuzzin Dindu while his hands wuz raised?!? Clearly, it's just one more case of the Man Keeping Us Down. Represent, homie!

Then send out counter-communiques telling Cleetus and Wambeesha to shut their uppity mouths and support the cause.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

Do it again for Wammin's Feminazi groups, and ask why "we" are rallying for our misogynist Sharia oppressors, sisters??

Have the Hamascidal idiots tell them to calm down and STFU too. Because that works so well on angry women.

Have the atheists get into the bitch-fest, and rail against any theocracy.

Bitch-slap them on behalf of the Philistinian protestors too.

Have Hose A and Hose B whinge because the protests should be down at the border, to let everyone from Brownsville to Tierra del Fuego in, not to worry about some other war an ocean away.

I have told the story before waaaaaay back about how, out of sheer boredom, I single-handedly got every dog in every yard for half a mile all barking at each other. Over and over.

Now imagine the fun that ensues when you do the same thing with all the cats and dogs on this or any future Ark Of Retards.

Especially if you make it look like everything you're doing was done by one of the gang of Usual Suspects. An online comment here, some graffiti there, a couple of claims made on behalf of imaginary Butthurt Interest Groups, and before long, they'll be slitting each other's throats and stabbing each other in the back, literally or figuratively, and starting feuds that will fester for years to decades, while you sit back, watch, and laugh yourselves silly. Don't overlook anonymous tips to The Man, helpfully allowing them to find the residue of your stunts behind someone else's clubhouse, in their trash cans, or their car trunk. Some of it might even get suspicion all over those outside agitators, making them the new Crazy Cat Ladies vandalizing their own cars, and getting arrested for it. Even TPTB love that stuff, and friendly sources will trumpet it from the rooftops even louder than that.

You may have seen this material before: they did an entire episode of M*A*S*H* based on this exact concept.

So if you're going to drop the hammer, make sure you aren't pointing at your own foot first. Pick your patsies, drop your breadcrumbs, plant your fingerprints, and let the games begin. Try not to hurt yourself splitting your sides open once it becomes a self-fueled fustercluck for the Useful Idiots.

Tuesday, May 7, 2024

Bwahahahahahahahahahahaha!








I'ma just leave these two items regarding two different Trump witch hunts right here...

Judge in Trump classified documents case suspends trial indefinitely

Porn star loses it in court: Stormy Daniels starts yelling during questioning

"I cannot spare this man; he fights." - Abraham Lincoln



Thursday, April 4, 2024

Oopsie: Confirmation Bias Is Hard On Your Wedding Tackle

Splashed all over the Rightosphere in the last day, and aging rather poorly, with scalded hands all around for the confirmationally sloppy:

As found, multiple places.











Natzsofast, Guido. Five Pinocchios awarded.

Wikipedia: Highgrove House

As the property is owned by the Duchy of Cornwall, control of the House was transferred to William, Prince of Wales, when his father acceded to the throne and he became Duke of Cornwall on 8 September 2022. The King and Queen will lease the house from the Duchy to use as a country residence.

So tell me @JoseyWales, do you feel stupid?










Maybe next time you're going to spread patent horseshit, pick some house in West Palm Beach, or Monaco, etc. Probably best not to pick a house so famous it has its own entire Wikipedia page, nor one that draws 40,000 visitors a year to the private garden tours, right? Just saying.

And getting trolled by Russian propaganda so hamfistedly dopey even the fucktards at Snopes could spot it?!? Epic, man. Truly epic. Walk tall. Probably want to shut down your internet account for a month or two, and take a fishing trip until this all blows over.

I'm open to discussion on any wild contention, if anyone can cite something more authoritative than "Sumdood on the Internet, with sooper-secret inside scoop", versus that bastion of accuracy™, the one internet platform that any one of 8 Billion people can add information to with a couple of keystrokes.

But until something more substantive than Sumdood makes an appearance, some folks should probably take the fish hook out of their own cheek, slap a CAT-T around their jangly bits, avoid grabbing hot stoves with both hands, and give friend Timmy a listen regarding some wisdom he'd like to share with them:


















In other news, Zelensky hasn't purchased Hearst Castle, the Vatican, nor Buckingham Palace, nor has he given the Hope Diamond to his wife Olena, either; it's still on display at the Smithsonian in Washington D.C. But thanks for providing some welcome comedy relief today. ðŸ¤£

And for those who posted this horseshit (we aren't calling names off the roll), but won't either pull it entirely, or at least admit belatedly that you got bamboozled by Russian propaganda, this one's for you:
That isn't pee in your underpants.
Check yourself, before you wreck yourself.
We point and laugh because we care.
And it's a bit late to try the "We didn't know this was bullshit" excuse.
Assuming you can still tell the difference.



Saturday, March 16, 2024

Snortworthy!

 h/t Odd Job

I laughed until I cried.
From the pain in my sides.

Friday, January 26, 2024

Thursday, November 23, 2023

Be A Man Among Men

Epic Moments














Happy Thanksgiving to one and all.

Friday, October 6, 2023

Moar Winning!!














Russian ruble collapses - again; now worth less than US$0.01.

Spin it, Usual Suspects. The internet needs your comedy relief. Tell us why it's lost nearly 50% of its real value against the dollar - in a Biden economy - in a year.

Any answer that ignores the why of Russia's currency problem, given all their imaginary winning, and/or tries to drive off the road and drag in 57 other non-sequitir excuses having nothing to do with the topic, will be ruthlessly flagged for Arguing Like A Bitch, and consigned to the ether unseen. ZFG.

I'm open to rational financial explanations, on topic. Naked bullshitting or sophomoronic invective from lack of other options disappears like it never happened.

Color inside the lines, or stay home. Crickets chirping will drive the point home just as well.

Thursday, July 27, 2023

Screaming Memeies

h/t OddJob

I nearly sharted myself. Like the model above did.

¡Viva!

Saturday, July 1, 2023

Looks Like The Weather's Gone Potty

 h/t Tam









"Truth is always stranger than fiction, because fiction has to make sense."

This event could only have been better if it hit Flushing Meadows NYFC, Poo Poo Point WA, Crap Albania, or Poop Mexico. We would have added Shit Iran to that list, but there, by definition, every storm is a Shit storm. (It would be too good to be true if this town was also host to a religious shrine: Holy Shit! Or had a drive-thru: Shitburger. Tapping into that one locale could put Iran on a profit basis just on merchandising. They could go DJT one better, and rename the province Shitholia, and retire on the t-shirt royalties which, unlike oil, would never run out.)











And if you didn't know about any of these places, it's fair to say you don't know Shit.

As it is, we'll be writing the NCAA and recommending they find the closest college stadium to that corner of Nebraska/Wyoming border, and announce it as the perpetual site of the annual Tidy Bowl. Charmin, Ajax, ExLax, Metamucil, and Depends would be falling all over themselves to sponsor it. Maybe even The Gas Company.

And when the political folks found out, the money they'd make from that obvious tie-in would turn the town into Las Vegas North.

We may be onto something here. We'd pursue this even farther down, the, um,...rabbit hole, but frankly, we just don't give a shit.

Saturday, June 17, 2023

Dept. Of Caprice And Whimsy

 h/t DiveMedic and USAJobs

Get your applications in quickly.

(This embiggens.)

Wednesday, June 7, 2023

Inevitably, Tragedy Descends Into Farce

h/t McThag 

Better still: By next week, it'll be up to 118%.

Saturday, June 3, 2023

Break YouTube

 "Ridicule is man's most potent weapon." - Saul Alinsky, Rules For Radicals


Dear Boutique Tar-Gay,

Congrats on becoming the 2023 exemplar of United Breaks Guitars, served with a six-pack chaser of Butt Light (NYSE value: worthless).  And as usual, you can't buy this kind of business-crashing negative publicity. It always comes to the recipient absolutely free, and overly well-deserved. Braindead Tone-deaf Stupidity: Achievement Unlocked!

You idiots are no exception, and equally clueless how you managed to pour gasoline in your own lap, and then try to stub out a lit road flare with your crotch. Bravely done, mega-morons. Your entry into Jackass: Billionaire Corporate Retard Version is accepted with pleasure. Let the games begin!

The bleeding will stop the minute you stop trying to shoot your own dicks off. Over and over and over. And then make a humble and sincere apology for screwing things up so royally, on behalf of a demographically microscopic group of freaks and mental health cripples, and stop! Stop! STOP! pimping and pandering their disgusting agenda! (Clever readers will denote a subtle hint there.)










(Montgomery Wards, J.C. Penney, and Sears Roebuck & Co. would like a word with you about what happens to slow learners in the retail game. Or maybe you still have some of your Mervyn's former executives on file somewhere. Have a nice trip; see you next fall.)

Until your executive lackwits heed that advice, it's going to be hilarious watching you set yourselves on fire anew, time and time again. And at least your board of directors can get their ceremonial hockey helmets at an employee discount, before next they venture forth into the world unsupervised by any actual competent adults.

What's next? Hiring Bill Cosby as your next celebutard spokeshole, and dusting off the ad campaign for New Coke™? Maybe call it New Woke!? Genius!!!

Well-played, you corporate (or should that be coprophile?) sh*t-for-brains groomers. Be sure to look both ways before getting thrown under the bus.