674 posts tagged with family by Anonymous.
Displaying 1 through 50 of 674.
How to talk about making families when things can get contentious
My partner and I are two queer women. One of us is adopted, and the other is donor-conceived. We both have strong feelings about family and identity but are generally private. As such, we usually do not disclose that we are adopted or donor-conceived unless we have a very close or intimate relationship with someone. We are married and at an age where many of our friends have children. We will not be using any assisted reproductive technologies or adopting if we decide to bring children into our family. Usually, we avoid having detailed conversations around this topic, but in some cases, it's unavoidable, and I'd like some help navigating these situations. [more inside]
Starting to really dislike my family of origin
I’m in therapy and will keep processing this but my feelings are really growing and I could use some perspectives / advice. Excuse the rant. [more inside]
Meeting a long lost relative
In the coming days we'll meet a relative we previously didn't know existed. I want to help them feel welcome without overwhelming them. Have you navigated this process? What worked and what do you wish you had done differently? Looking for anecdata from both sides of the equation. [more inside]
Help me think about how to deal with this difficult situation, please.
I need help with a touchy situation that brings up alllll sorts of tough issues for me. [more inside]
Brother threatened to shoot me (over text) over small argument
My brother (42m), who i've had a mostly chill though superficial relationship with growing up, has been getting really into weaponry. Recently, we had a small argument * over text, not in person * - we live in different cities - where he tried to get me to do something I wasn't that comfortable with (though not that big a deal), and I stood up for myself, and he got angrier and angrier and said if I were there he would shoot me/use his weapons on me, and made it clear he was not joking. Now I don't feel safe around him and not sure what to do next with our relationship. [more inside]
Sibling with mental health and housing issues, far away
I need a whole lot of help on a whole lot of levels. This touches on sibling relationships, homelessness, mental illness and logistics. There is so much [more inside]
Mourning(?) one who contained multitudes
My father recently died very unexpectedly. He was, by all accounts, a devoted, loving, and supportive father and husband -- to his young second family. I am a member of his first family, all of whom were in varying states of near-estrangement stemming from his being alternatively absent and terrifying during my childhood and emotionally manipulative in the decades since whenever we tried to reconnect. [more inside]
What is the right thing to do with this inheritance?
A relative has willed her estate to only me. I have siblings, and am trying to figure out whether and how to share the money with them. Can you help me think through this? [more inside]
Tips for Dealing with Other People's Jealousy
Does anyone have advice or resources (such as books, articles or really anything that isn’t a google search) that helps in dealing with people who are jealous or envious of me? [more inside]
How to handle guilt about moving away from family?
Moved away from family years ago, made a life for myself on other side of the country. Now I'm dealing with family problems and how do I deal with the guilt? [more inside]
What is fair when choosing where to spend holidays?
Particularly for people with complicated family dynamics (i.e., divorced parents, separated from partner with kids, etc.) [more inside]
How to stop relatives from seeing sites I visit while visiting them?
I'll be spending 2 weeks with conservative relatives in February, using their internet as I help them deal with illness, and would like to shield them from seeing the sites I visit while using their wifi on my laptop and phone. Basically, I'd prefer not to reveal the specific accounts I use at some social sites, as the history they find (if they look) will cause friction. What's the easiest way to accomplish this? I am not very device savvy, so would appreciate details.Thanks! [more inside]
Seeking practical resources for relatives of US Federal Prisoners.
A relative is set to begin a decade+ sentence in a US Federal Prison (TBD) in a few weeks. I'm looking for non-sensationalist resources I can share with my family (all adults, including seniors) that provide practical guidance to having a loved one locked up for an extended period. [more inside]
Gunpowder, treason and plot
Several times a year, for the past few years, I have been doing a quiz at family get-togethers. Both of my nephews A and B (10 and 8) enjoy the quizzes. Both of my nephews are of above-average ability and do not display any neurodivergent behaviours.
They are based on a theme, whatever it is we are celebrating, and are normally poached from quizzes for kids online. [more inside]
Naming your child after a living relative with cerebral palsy
I recently recalled to my friend that my first name was chosen by one or both of my parents because of a close cousin with cerebral palsy. At the time of my birth, that cousin was still living and was around 10 years old. Our two families were not all that close and saw each other maybe once a year. My friend was horrified at the idea and thought it was awful thing to do to both children. TBH, Id never given it thought as an adult and I just want a second opinion.
What do you think? Is this weird? I can maybe see me being named after this cousin had already passed but isnt it strange to give that honor while the namesake is both alive and still a child themselves? Does it strike you as bizarre or cruel?
How to deal with family dramas soon arriving on doorstep?
Sibling, Partner and their 3 kids (ages 8-13) are arriving in a few weeks from the other side of the world. Unbeknownst to our family until a few days ago, they have been separated and cohabiting for years, but are now at an acrimonious point of crisis in their relationship where Sibling has been kicked out of their home, there are accusations of problematic drinking on both sides, the police have been called once (although without incident, but the fact the call was made is worrying) and social services staff are involved because the kids have complained of emotional stress at home due to the parental fighting. It seems they have now both obtained lawyers. Needless to say, we (immediate family) are all completely baffled that they are still planning to travel here as a family unit. How do we navigate this kindly, but with some boundaries in place? [more inside]
Divorce. International Edition.
My now abusive husband (M41) of 5 years and I (F31) are headed towards divorce and I’m terrified. In need of any and all practical advice and general hope.
[more inside]
Should I respond to emotionally abusive dad's request for help?
I'm a middle-aged man, oldest of six kids. My dad has been emotionally and sometimes physically abusive to my mom for as long as I know. Emotionally abusive to the kids, although different with each. Recently, he emailed all the kids as a group asking for help "repenting of his unkindness." Nothing more specific than that. Should I respond at all? If so, how do I maintain the boundaries I've worked so hard to establish? Are there resources I could send him that would be helpful if he's serious about changing? [more inside]
Mexico City and Dia de Los Muertos with a 7 year old
We are committed to our first trip to CDMX from October 27-November 3 this year. We have a hotel in the Centro but can cancel / change it. [more inside]
Can you help me help Bunny travel the world?
Bunny is a stuffie. He's the reliable companion of a four-year-old, Emily. Sadly but unavoidably, Bunny and Emily will be separated for a little while. Can you help us get through this? [more inside]
Leaving a perfect life to be close to a parent with terminal cancer
My father was diagnosed with stage IV lung cancer one year ago and it seems statistically likely he will die in the next 1–2 years. My parents live in Hometown City, USA (where I grew up, was deeply unhappy in, and chose to leave) and I live in a New City in Europe (where I have, for all intents and purposes, my ideal life). I plan to move home to be with family, but the thought of leaving New City is horrible—I'm desperate for words of comfort or advice to cope with this choice. [more inside]
Is this the trauma Olympics and can I forfeit?
TWs: abuse, CSA, disordered eating
For reasons this Ask may illuminate, I have a generally very close relationship with most of my spouse's family of origin. But I am struggling with encounters that involve one of my sisters-in-law, who has a tendency to make references in conversation to having a "traumatic" and difficult childhood.
I could use some advice on whether and how to respond, because I feel like I'm starting to crack. [more inside]
I'm not supposed to know my beloved relative is about to die.
[CW: medical assistance in dying]
My beloved aunt, who has been a second mother to me, is planning to end her life under our state's Medical Assistance in Dying Act (MAiD) in the next several days. I am not supposed to know this. I respect and support her decision 100%, including her wish to keep this a secret. But I am struggling with the ethics of knowing the date and time of a loved one's death in advance yet not acknowledging it to them in any way. I am afraid I am making the wrong choice.
If anyone has experience with physician-assisted suicide--either as a family member, a professional, a patient, whathaveyou--I'd be profoundly grateful for any thoughts you'd care to share. Thank you so much in advance. [more inside]
Content Warning: sexual abuse
Never want to see you again
I had a bad experience with my partner’s parents and frankly, I don’t want to visit them. Having a hard time parsing my own feelings, which are wrapped up in guilt, feelings of doom, etc. [more inside]
if gifted pile of 150yr old ivory across borders, what do I legally do?
My spouse's grandmother died a couple of years ago in Canada, bequeathing to us a beloved 150yr old antique piano with real elephant ivory and ebony- veneered keys. Before we were able to figure out how to transport the piano, it fell completely apart. My grandfather-in-law, who is extremely stubborn, saved the keys to give to us with the notion of turning them into a keepsake. We live in the US. We have talked him out of trying to smuggle them across the border to us from Canada, but we're planning a visit to him in the next year and the odds are high that he will surprise us with them as a gift as Grandma would have wanted. If this happens, what should we do legally? The keys are at least 150yrs old but definitely, definitely elephant ivory. [more inside]
I think I need to move home to care for my family.
I have two vulnerable family members with complex and challenging issues. They are no longer able to function reliably. I think I need to move back to take care of them. This is breaking my heart. Mefites who have had to take care of relatives with bipolar disease or particularly challenging considerations: how did you cope? [more inside]
I really dont want to be the step-monster here
My partner's kids are completely rejecting me and my family. My partner doesn't agree it is a problem. It is a problem for me. [more inside]
How best to support everyone through my sibling’s divorce?
My brother-in-law has decided to end his marriage with my sister. They have a 10yr old autistic son who I look after regularly. So far things seem amicable, but it’s very early days and my nephew doesn’t realise what’s about to happen. I am wondering how to best support them all through this difficult time? If you’ve been through a divorce or have supported someone else through theirs, what advice would you give? What actions/attitudes are helpful and what aren’t? What did people do that they thought was helpful but actually wasn’t? What was helpful for the partner on each side of the divorce? And what helped the children (bonus points for autistic children)? [more inside]
Worried about Mom’s drinking
My mother is in her mid 70s and has always enjoyed drinking. Growing up as a child, she started drinking as soon as she got home from work at 4pm, and drank until dinner time. I don’t have very many memories of her being out right drunk, but for my entire life she had a minimum of three glasses of wine every day. I am in my 30s now and living independently but I recently had to spend about a month living with my parents and I’m concerned about my mom’s drinking. I don’t know if I’m blowing it out of proportion, and if I’m not I don’t know what to do about it. [more inside]
How to get involved with the care of a distant family member
My aunt is aging rapidly, seems to be getting dementia, and recently was hospitalized with COVID, I have no way to reach her it seems, and my cousin who I think is my only connection to her isn't answering my inquiries. [more inside]
How do I make peace with being child free
I'm 36 and because of various reasons [economy, covid, climate change, take your pick], it seems increasingly unlikely I will have children, no matter how much I desire them. I'm interested in hearing how other people conquered their own feelings of longing? [more inside]
Concrete tips for irrational fear, please.
Spouse and I are traveling in an unfamiliar and sparsely populated (but generally safe) area for the next twelve days. I have had trust issues since childhood. My mind is going into overdrive, thinking up scenarios like "What if he gets angry and leaves me at a reststop?" [more inside]
Will I ever be okay again?
How do I survive spending the holidays alone and not feel defeated about my life? I am broke and hungry. [more inside]
How much money would you leave to your children?
I am wealthy. My spouse and I made our wills years ago, splitting our estate equally among our children (who are now almost adults). But that was before we had much of an estate to leave, and now I wonder if we should still do that. [more inside]
How to support my sibling from afar?
My sibling moved to a small town with their partner and has been mentioning some concerns about their partner's mental health. I worry they are taking too much of a burden on themselves when their partner may need professional treatment, and that they are becoming ever more isolated. How can I best help my sibling? [more inside]
Content Warning: sexual abuse
Content Warning: This post contains sexual abuse issues including incest. All the details will be below the fold. [more inside]
Care & cleaning services for elder
My near-centenarian grandfather needs a stable, comfortable living situation and his family is gradually warming to the idea of hiring a professional to assist in his care on a continuing basis. Maybe. I'm hoping for some advice about norms/expectations, because no one in the family has experience with this. [more inside]
How to “divorce” an enmeshed parent / smothering mother?
This problem has been affecting me and my siblings for a long time, and now I have a close friend dealing with the same issues. In practical terms, I don’t know what actually needs to be done. [more inside]
What's the Name of this Therapeutic Model, and What Alternatives Exist?
Asking for a name of a mental health philosophy/method from any Mefite therapists, LCSWs, psychiatrists or psychologists – and what alternatives exist to it. [more inside]
Feeling like the only sane person in the room
My in-laws are making what seems to me to be unwise financial decisions and we're too entangled with them personally to cut loose and let them make their own mistakes. How can we not be made crazy and/or broke by this? [more inside]
So I Threw My Phone in Anger. Now What?
(This post mentions Covid but is not about Covid.)
Today, during a stressful phone conversation, I threw my phone in anger and broke it. Nobody was present, I did not harm anyone, and I do not plan to harm anyone. Please suggest ways I can cope with the aftermath of this situation. The direct issues have been resolved, so I am seeking advice for longer-term coping strategies and insight about my mental state. [more inside]
Do you support your parents in retirement? What's it like?
I'd like to help support my mom during her retirement. What should I know about doing this well? [more inside]
How do you slowly distance yrself from toxic family and find one anew?
I very much need advice on both halves of this question: how do you slowly withdraw or distance from toxic family without a dramatic departure, and how do you find new "family by choice" when you're a mid-40s never-partnered male bad at finding new friends? Slight bit more after fold. [more inside]
How to deal with fallout from sobriety?
I was a heavy drinker. I noticed this and scaled back significantly. I then moved back with my parents due to Covid job issues and stopped drinking entirely since around June. Drinking has never impacted my career or my life in my opinion but my friends (who don't live in town or see me) insisted I get help. I went to a psychiatrist who specializes in addiction, who did not believe I needed rehab or further addiction therapy. My friends insist I do, do not believe I'm sober and that I lied to the psychiatrist. They've also convinced my family, though that has been largely repaired. Everyone has cut off contact with me completely. Any advice? [more inside]
COVID and Domestic Travel in Canada
I am tentatively planning to temporarily move from across Canada for the winter and have some questions about how to do it most safely. [more inside]
Estranged family resisting estrangement
My partner and I are trying to figure out how to respond to an estranged family member. This family member is making persistent attempts to re-establish contact and has ramped things up after a recent death in the family. What can we do? [more inside]
Is it wrong if I don’t let my toxic aunt see my baby?
I’m pregnant and I want to cut my aunt out of my life entirely but don’t know if I’m being too harsh. If I should cut her out, what’s the best way to do it? [more inside]
How to rebuild trust during a pandemic
My senior mother is taking risks to see her boyfriend during the pandemic and lied to me about it when I expressed my concerns. I'm upset and afraid that this has permanently damaged our relationship. [more inside]
Mother is estranged from siblings and I am not sure what to do?
My mother cut off all her siblings in her life because they would always quarrel and become jealous of each other - they grew up in a dysfunctional home. It has been almost seven years since she has stopped talking to them and I feel saddened still, as the family gatherings I go to are rare now and not the same. This is rather a sensitive topic in nature, which is why I wanted it anonymous. [more inside]