Marinerds, etc.

(Parts 1-3 were done last year. I'll go add a tag to all four of them.)

Yule Laugh
I'm sure there are plenty of good candidates here -- like Santa Pronk -- but I'd probably still list this year's appearance of Phanta Claus, or any of the other holiday events the Phillies have been doing, which are fun to read about. Makes me sort of sad I won't be in Philly until the 27th or so. There's also a great article with Cole Hamels, who admits that he unwraps his video games way before Christmas.

Yule Cry
To be fair, the only offseason move that actually made me shed tears was Michihiro Ogasawara's clean-shaven doppleganger signing with the Yomiuri Giants. But our beloved crazy Aussie outfielder Christopher "Doyle" Snelling getting traded away from the Mariners, despite the trade currently being on hold pending a Vidro physical, is still pretty sad. I went to the Mariners Team Store on Saturday, by the way, and they have player-issued jerseys from the 2005 season on sale for $60 -- so you can get a wide assortment of nice ex-Mariner jerseys like a Madritch #56, a Borders #37, a Nageotte #37, Thornton #53, and so on. Unfortunately, all the Snelling jerseys they have are "on sale" for $199. The store clerk told me that it was because those were 2006 used jerseys, not 2005. Bleh. I decided not to buy one, though the Uncle Rico one actually fit me fairly well.

Yule Sing
I'd been tossing this song idea around in my head for the last week or so. It's sort of ubiquitous rather than being keyed to just one team:

Stove League
(to the tune of "Sleigh Ride" by Leroy Anderson)
(New lyrics by Deanna "Marinerd" Rubin)

Just hear those cellphones beeping
As trades are cheapening too.
And all the press is fussin'
In a stove league discussion with you.
Online the fans are whining
As Theo's signing up Drew.
And all the scouts are gushin'
In a stove league discussion with you.

Sign 'em up, sign 'em up, sign 'em up, let's go
It's all a big show
We're giving them these contracts full of dough.
Sign 'em up, sign 'em up, sign 'em up, it's lame
Just playing the game.
We're finding a twit who can hit
So the fans recognize his name.

Our roster's full of losers
And beggar-choosers are we.
The 40-man is frozen
with the players we chose in '03.
And when we're feeling braver
We'll try to waiver 'em through.
There's just no sense in rushin'
In a stove league discussion with you.

There's a Krivsky mimic by the name of Flanagan
Signing ancient arms to bolster up the pen again.
Seems the Mariners, Reds, and Orioles will see the biggest flop
At the ticket booths when they watch attendance drop. Plop plop plop.

There's a perfect roster nothing in the world can buy
So we'll trade our soul for someone like Morneau or Dye.
It'll nearly be like a deal pulled off by Bowden or by Beane.
This wonderful plot's what we've got
when the seasons are in-between!

Just hear those cashbags jinglin',
Agents mingling through.
They'll get a deal for Lilly
That'll make you look sillier too.
You should consult a sponsor
If you're choosing Bonds or Alou.
But every batter's crushin'
In a stove league discussion with you.

Sign 'em up, sign 'em up, sign 'em up, let's go
These choices all blow.
We're looking for a catcher who can throw.
Sign 'em up, sign 'em up, sign 'em up, who cares
If we have young players
We'll balance our team with the theme
getting Thomas and Zaun and Stairs!

Our lineup's big on hitters
But not on splitters or curves.
We'll sign a Mirabelli
And he'll catch the hell he deserves.
So now it's time to park it
'Cause this bidding market's a zoo.
There's just no use in thinkin' when
Strike zone's shrinkin' and
Fastball's sinkin' and
Deals are stinkin' when
GM's winkin' and
stove league drinkin' with you.

Before we begin the festivities, here's a short note or two about the craziness of today -- firstly, when I wrote this a few months ago, I would have NEVER in my wildest dreams imagined Johnny Damon becoming a Yankee.

Secondly, the list of non-tenders is out, and oddly, there are only three guys on there I'd hope we go for. All are former A's that start with B's: Eric Byrnes, Chad Bradford, and Hiram Bocachica. I think Bocachica and Byrnes are both better outfielders than Ibanez or Everett, and Byrnes is not only a nice guy and fun player to watch, but he also totally mashes lefty pitching -- he's got upside as a platoon or bench bat or late-inning defensive sub. As for Chad Bradford, I love submarine pitchers, and it makes me sad that I've still never gotten to see him play in person.

Also, in addition to the Mariners getting rid of Ryan Franklin (and DFA'ing Greg Dobbs, meaning I may never finish that chapter of the Bullpen of Secrets featuring Dobby the Bench Elf), the Phillies non-tendered Endy Chavez. Thank god. And on that note, this is a Phillies edition of Marinerds Holiday Fun:

Yule Laugh

Wanta Phanta? Don't you want a... no, just kidding. The Philly Phanatic, among others such as Harry the K, made his appearance as Phanta Claus for a Phillies holiday event last weekend. Looks like fun, although I'm sure he scared a few little kids.

Yule Cry

Apparently the LG Twins of the Korean Baseball Organization signed Phillies pitcher Amaury Telemaco (and Manny Aybar, too) yesterday, for what looks like around 1yr/$250k each. I can't find an English version of the article, but as usual we've got a KBO thread on Westbay-san's forum here.

I put this under "cry" because quite frankly, Telemaco's pitching made me want to cry sometimes. I think he'll do well in Korea though.

Yule Sing

This is to the tune of "Jingle Bells". Sing with me! Ring with me!
(Yes, I'm aware it's not really "burr-ELL", but the "Burrell Ives Christmas" may have to wait for another time.)

Dashing through downtown
Riding SEPTA's Broad Street Line
Under the streets we bound
Hoping we're on time (Ha ha ha!)
Bell's on third again,
Diving to his right,
We fans would love an outing of
No errors made tonight.

Oh, David Bell, Pat Burrell, Rheal Cormier
Oh what fun it is deriding a 6 point ERA, eh?
David Bell, Pat Burrell, Rheal Cormier
Oh what fun it is to watch when the Phillies try to play!

Yeah, so it was a pretty good weekend. Among other things, I went up to Third Place Books to see Jonah Keri talk about the book Mind Game. In reality, he talked about Mind Game for about five minutes, and then he and Jeff Shaw (from USSM) did a baseball Q&A session for around an hour, during which time we not only got to see a printout of Jarrod Washburn's PECOTA, but we also got many laughs and found out that every question you could ever ask about baseball is apparently answered in this book that Jonah is editing. It's out March 6th. Perhaps I should get my act together for a Seattle-area baseball book club before then, eh?

It was quite the fun event, though, and I'm glad I went. Jeff and Jonah are incredibly entertaining, and it was good to see and/or meet various blogizens. Probably a good thing I wore my "Vote for Felix" blog joke shirt instead of my Jarrod Washburn shirt, too.

Anyway, in today's edition of Marinerds, we continue with our quest for the perfect holiday songs...

Yule Laugh

A friend of mine from college did the animation for this. It's quite hilarious and completely baseball-unrelated: Cluck Of The Bells

Yule Cry

Trust me when I tell you that nothing is as disturbing as listening to the vocal stylings of Jolly Rick Rizzs as he brings to you many a carol of Mariners Baseball.

Yule Sing

Okay, I'm not writing *good* lyrics for the holidays, but it's not like we're having a *good* offseason either, eh?

Winter Meeting Land
(to the tune of Winter Wonderland)

Cell phones ring, with new offers,
As GMs check their coffers,
A beautiful trade,
About to be made,
Walking in a winter meeting land.

Gone away, just a few guys
Here to stay are some new guys
The names that you'll find
Of players we've signed
Walking in a winter meeting land.

Up the middle we'll have Jose Lopez
And behind him centerfielder Reed
You'll see all those grounders off Hernandez
Scooped up and thrown to first with blinding speed.

Later on, we'll conspire
To obtain Mike Cuddyer
Our fan base will be
Just bursting with glee
Walking in a winter meeting land.

Sing with me, my esteemed companions!

Deck the blogs with rumoured signing,
Blah blah blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah.
'Tis the season to be whining,
Blah blah blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah.

Don we now our team apparel,
Blah blah blah, blah blah blah, blah blah blah,
Troll the ancient Hot Stove carol.
Blah blah blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah.