Marinerds, etc.

Sunday, July 8th. Mariners 7, Athletics 3. Continued from part 1... kind of.

"It's really nice of you to take over running the campaign from Grover, Mac," Willie was saying as he grabbed the bag of chips. "He never let my character come along for any of the good adventure hooks."

"That's because Bloomquist of Bremerton isn't actually USEFUL for any of the good adventure hooks," muttered Richie.

"Anyway, where were we?" asked Jason. "I think I was, you know, kicking ass and taking names?"

"Sadly, Friar Feierabend fell to -10 hit points a few rounds ago," replied McLaren. "So he's out of the campaign for a few days until you find someone who can cast Raise Dead. Let's see... right, you guys are still fighting the evil demon Cupcakes, Destroyer of Worlds."

Willie giggled. "I'm so glad we've levelled up to the point that this thing isn't hard to beat anymore. Remember those sessions last year when he totally owned our party?"

Jose nodded. "Lopez Lightbringer has such a big bonus to his sneak attack damage now that he just waits for the right moment to strike big rather than trying to chip away."

"Yeah, that was a nice shot you got off against him earlier, dude," said Jason. "Was that for full damage?"

"I think so. He's probably getting low by now, a couple nice cuts should finish him off."

Jason picked up the dice and rolled. "I know I've been rolling really well today," he said, looking at the result. "Good thing I've got that +2 Mace of Demon-Slaying! I just barely hit again."

Ichiro nodded. "My wizard casts Scorching Ray and sends one out to the right."

Jose took a d20 out of his bag. "I'm going to try to sneak attack again, okay?" he said. "Hmm... I succeeded on the hit, but I rolled really horrible for damage. How's the Cupcakes Demon looking? Not dead yet? Still hurling white spheres at us?"

McLaren looked at the notes behind the screen, and grimaced. "I can't say anything," he replied, "but you have definitely pissed it off."

Raul pondered this for a minute. "Okay," he agreed, "I'm going to try a Power Attack for 3 points. That should take it out."

"Roll it."

The die landed on the table. "YES!!!!" shouted the whole party. "Nice hit, Raul!"

MacLaren rolled some dice behind his screen and scribbled a few things down. "I have good news and bad news for you guys. The good news is, you've disarmed the Cupcakes Demon's supernatural powers..."

"...the bad news is?"

"The bad news is that it's charged down in a blind rage and is attempting to engage the party in unarmed combat. He shoves Ichiro's wizard for," he paused to roll, "2 points of damage."

Jason stood up and banged his fists down on the table. "No way," he said. "No. Way. Ellison Elvenmoon does NOT take that sort of shit from anyone, even overweight puddles of green and gold goo. I shove it back."

"Nice, dude!" said Richie. "I totally back you up here!"

"Cupcakes is summoning help," said McLaren, "and a whole horde of green and gold goblins appear and come to his aid." He rolled some dice. "He also shoves back Ellison but does no significant damage."

"Bah. I'm not afraid of him. I shove his ass."

"Uh, okay, you get a bonus to hit for the size modifier when a Small creature attacks a Large creature, but you take a penalty for the unarmed attack..."

"I attack a goblin too!"

"Yeah, me too!"

"I've got improved unarmed strike! Let me smack it!"

"What do you mean I'm small?"

"When's it my turn to hit? Sexson Stormblade wants to mash!"

"Guys, guys," said McLaren, "Settle down. I can't run this game if you're all jumping all over the place at once."

"But I swung my fists at the--"

"I wanted to attack a--"

"AAAACK SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP." McLaren stood up. "An Umpire Spawn materializes and casts Mass Domination on the entire melee. He points a Finger of Death at Cupcakes, who immediately falls over, and is carried off the battlefield by the green and gold goblins. Meanwhile, you all need to make a will save or also immediately start walking off the battlefield."

"What? That's so unfair."

"Will save. Now. Also, the Umpire is starting to point at Ichiro's wizard."

"Uh, crap, we can't have Ichiro die," said Richie, as the whole group failed to make their saving throws. "Can't you do something about that?"

"Well, okay, I guess it'd be really bad for the campaign storyline for that to happen. How about Batista the Brainy? He's pretty useless."

"WHAT?" said Miguel.

"Yeah, sounds good!" replied Willie.

"Okay, so Miguel dies, and the party is victorious. I'll total up your XP and give you numbers next time we play. How's Thursday for you guys? Can everyone make it?"

"Yeah, I think so," said Richie. "It's back at your house, right? Who's bringing the chips and salsa?"

"I'm pretty sure it's Felix's turn," said Jose.

"Someone tell him to bring some mild stuff to go with the hot chipotle, okay?"

I have pictures and game notes and all kinds of stuff from going to Safeco Field tonight, but I had a silly idea on the bus ride home for a new kind of "fantasy baseball", so I'm writing that now. Serious report will come later/tomorrow.

Athletics at Mariners. Mariners 8, Athletics 4.

"Hey guys, sorry I'm late," said Willie as he sat down at the end of the table.

"Did you at least remember to bring the chips and Dew?" Richie said.

Willie's face fell. "Crap," he replied. "I knew there was something I forgot... at least I remembered my character sheet."

Grover nodded. "No big deal, dude, it just means we're not going to include you in today's adventure."

Willie groaned. "What? BUT I TOTALLY NEED THE XP TO LEVEL UP MY ROGUE! You PROMISED!"

Yuniesky waved. "Sorry, I've got better skill checks than you do anyway, so I'm playing instead."

Jarrod laughed. "That's okay, Felix is sitting today's session out too, he's out of spells after blowing up a Harenculus with a couple fireballs."

Grover gathered up his notes behind the GM shield and started reading. "Okay... so, you are all journeying across a grassy field at the bottom of a valley. You can hear a low roar surrounding you, and in the distance you see several green and gold humanoid figures lurking in the shadows, wielding wooden clubs. Roll initiative."

Jarrod smiled. "Awesome, I go first. Washburn The Wise casts Bless on several spheres and hurls them at the enemies."

"Roll to hit."

He rolled a 2. "Crap! Goddamnit these dice suck, where the hell did they come from?"

"I think Gil forgot to take them when he left the campaign," said Willie.

"Well, uh, that's not helping, Ichiro, can your wizard do something?"

"What's going on? An aerial attack against us?" Ichiro looked through his character sheet. "I cast Shield."

Grover applauded. "You prevent the volley of flyballs from hitting the party. Good thinking."

Ichiro grinned. "Then I also cast Magic Missile and return their fire back upon their plate!"

Richie whined. "Is it my turn to attack yet? Sexson Stormblade wants to MASH!"

Grover said, "Yeah, but a more formidable foe has entered the fray."

"Oh?"

"It's a large beastly creature, swathed in dark green and gold robes, with a massive torso and fierce eyes glinting out from above a goatee."

"OH MY GOD," said Jose. "Guillen the Barbarian has seen this abomination before. Can it be..."

"No way," replied Yuniesky. "There's no way anyone would make a party fight one of these in only their second session."

Grover cackled. "Oh ho, that's what YOU think. The beast approaching your group is none other than the evil demon CUPCAKES, DESTROYER OF WORLDS!"

"ARGGHHH." Willie grimaced. "This is the monster that totally wiped out our last party. We couldn't dispel the curse it put on us."

Jose nodded. "I've seen this thing completely devour characters in three rounds! They barely even have a chance to react! It's inhuman!"

"I don't know what you're all afraid of," said Richie. "Now that I levelled up in the offseason I can use my new warrior skill to defeat it."

"Your what?"

"It's called Funk Blast. I basically take a penalty to my to-hit roll and automatically do full damage if I actually get a hit when I swing."

"Whoa. Awesome."

"Sweeeeet! Let's try it."

"We NEED the funk!"

Grover looked over his notes. "Sure, go ahead. Just make sure you don't roll a 1 or you'll break your club."

Richie took a deep breath and threw the d20 on the table. The icosahedron rolled around as everyone watched, and it finally landed on a 17. "YESSSSS," Richie pumped his fist. "Wait, what do I need to roll to get a hit off this guy anyway?"

"Uh, that'll hit," said Grover. "You've really wounded it. But in the meantime, the rest of its henchmen are still attacking Jarrod's cleric over there."

"Oh shit," said Jarrod, "I guess I go into a full defensive stance until the rest of the party can bail me out."

"Sure, I think we can hold off the henchmen for a while," said Jose thoughtfully. "What's your status like?"

Grover rolled a few dice. "Actually, Washburn the Wise just got bashed in the head by Milton of Bradley and fell over unconscious. Let me get you a replacement character." He shuffled around some papers. "Here's Julio the Horrible, try playing him for a bit."

After several rounds of battling against the Cupcakes demon and scoring some lucky hits, the party finally managed to tire it out, and it retreated, leaving a Kikobold slave behind to cover its exit.

"Wow, you guys are doing really impressive today," said Willie. "I just WISH MY CHARACTER WAS THERE TOO."

"Well, you're not, so shut up," said Richie.

"Hmmm, these should be a lot easier to finish off," said Jose. "I'll go around to the side so you get a +2 flanking bonus, okay, Yuni?"

"Gotcha," Yuniesky replied. "Can I sneak attack it too, then?"

"If you're flanking, yeah," said Grover. "Roll it."

Yuni threw the die.

"A NATURAL 20!!!" the entire party exclaimed.

"Dang," Grover said. "With the critical damage and your sneak attack damage, that adds up to... oh, screw it, I don't feel like doing the math. Fine, you've defeated the Gelatinous A's. Good job."

"Do we level?" said Jarrod.

"No, not yet," replied Grover. "This adventure arc isn't over. Next session I'm going to have you all infiltrate the castle of King Richard the Brokenharden."