A Large Regular

Top 10 Fantasy Baseball 3rd Basemen

Here's how I would rank 3rd basemen for fantasy baseball purposes.

1. Alex Rodriguez Yankees
2. Mark Reynolds Diamondbacks - drop him down a notch if your league penalizes for strikeouts
3. Evan Longoria Rays
4. Pablo Sandoval Giants
5. Ryan Zimmerman Nationals
6. Chone Figgins Mariners - stolen bases are what set him up this high
7. Michael Young Rangers - good for 20+ HR but I'm afraid of taking him for some reason
8. David Wright Mets - last year in pre-season some were arguing he was the top 3rd baseman. This year - not so much.
9. Chipper Jones Braves - don't ever count Chipper out (but also plan to have a Plan B for when he gets hurt)
10. Aramis Ramirez Cubs

I had Kevin Youkilis listed as a 1st baseman but he's probably eligible in every league for 3rd. He'd be in the top 5.

Pythagoras and NASCAR

Pythagoras was not just an ancient mathematician and philosopher but also the founder of the religious movement called Pythagoreanism. They were very big into number mysticism including such ideas that odd numbers were masculine and even numbers were feminine.

After reading about that my first thought was about NASCAR and how Dale Earnhardt was number 3 (an odd number) and how Jeff Gordon is number 24 (an even number). The Intimidator (odd number) versus the Rainbow Warrior (even number).

Just sayin'. Maybe Pythagoras was on to something?

Franken Unfunny

I've never found Al Franken funny. This video of him more than confirms that the Senator from Acorn is a dullard.

This is how I imagine the conversation going with a Senator with a sense of humor.

Reporter: Senator - are you aware of the $7 billion in the bill for jungle gym equipment?
Senator w/ a Sense of Humor: First off - the term jungle gym is considered politically incorrect. Most of the equipment is made from plastics and anyone with common sense knows that you don't get plastics from the jungle. For me to even infer that would get me a strongly worded letter from the Sierra Club. Secondly, anyone with a classical education can tell you that the word "gym" is short for gymnasium which in Ancient Greece is where young men wrestled each other in the nude. You aren't suggesting our youth wrestle each other in the nude are you?
Reporter: No. Of course not.
Senator W/ a Sense of Humor: Good because that would make you a weirdo.
Reporter: But Senator what about the $7 billion?
Senator w/ a Sense of Humor: Normally I'm all about fiscal responsibility but since the kids will be the ones paying for all this crap in the bill - I say let them have their playground equipment. I'm just surprised someone thought to put anything in there for them in the first place.

HT Instapundit

Flotsam and Jetsam

Miscellaneous thoughts and observations.

The Mike Lowell for Max Ramirez trade still makes sense but I'm torn. Part of me wants the classy Lowell to stay in Boston - make that most of me... The Mesopotamian god of the moon was called Sin which is appropriate since most sins are committed at night... Awesome April Fools prank... When Gerry Ford was President he took inflation down from double digits to 5% and decreased unemployment simply by decreasing government spending. Ford used something like 66 vetoes on what he considered unnecessary government expenditures. We could use a Gerry Ford today. Instead we get a Jimmy Carter... Dogs playing Poker - Reinterpreted for Geeks... I'm probably going to read Kick-Ass the graphic novel at a Barnes and Noble before seeing the movie... Brad Wilkerson has been released by the Phillies. I, like many, am puzzled by the career of Wilkerson. He hit 32 HR as a 27-year old. He's like this generation's Phil Plantier... Heh heh...

Top 10 Fantasy Baseball Shortstops

Here's how I would rank shortstops for fantasy baseball purposes.

1. Hanley Ramirez Marlins - so much separation between Hanley and the rest make him that much more valuable if you have the chance to grab him
2. Troy Tulowitzki Rockies - can he repeat his performance from last year?
3. Jason Bartlett Rays
4. Derek Jeter Yankees - you could swap Jeter and Bartlett around and I'd be OK with that
5. Yunel Escobar Braves
6. Jimmy Rollins Phillies - He had a down year last season and still hit 21 HR
7. Elvis Andrus Ranger - has tremendous potential
8. Jose Reyes Mets - most other people would have him ranked higher but 'm afraid of his health and the players above him aren't chopped liver
9. Stephen Drew Diamondbacks
10. Erick Aybar Angels

Rafael Furcal just misses making the list but I have to wonder if he's too past his peak to risk taking him over any of the players on the list. Alcides Escobar of the Brewers make be the sleeper in the bunch.

Flotsam and Jetsam

Miscellaneous thoughts and observations.

On this day in 1309 – Pope Clement V excommunicates Venice and all its population. That just sounds strange to the moderns' ear but back in the day all of the subjects of a ruler were held to the actions of the ruler. So if the ruler was excommunicated then all his subjects were as well... Happy birthday to Nathan Fillion who turns 39 today. Captain Reynolds and Castle are two of my favorite characters.... On this day in 1945 during World War II - Operation Starvation, the aerial mining of Japan's ports and waterways began. Do you think today such an operation would be allowed to have such a politically incorrect name? More likely people would be asking why the Japanese hate us.... I really wanted to place a bet on Boston College winning the NCAA Men's Hockey but couldn't find any takers... It's been ten years since Ian Drury passed away. In his honor - hit someone with your rhythm stick today.

Linky Links

Stuff I found interesting and thought I'd share.

- 11 of the most unusual bars and nightclubs.

- Monmouth to have fewer races but bigger purses.

- Bill Murray bartending at SXSW

- Heh Heh - this took me a minute

Rise



The Tea Party people should adopt Public Image Limited's song Rise as their anthem. Anger is an energy.

Extra Tough Trivia Question

Here's an extra tough trivia question that I wouldn't expect anyone to get without looking up the info - of the 16 teams left in the NCAA basketball tournament only 4 of them produced a Hall of Fame baseball player. Can you name each college and player produced by the four schools?

Hint - Crash Davis from Duke and Todd Helton from Tennessee are not on the list.

18 Drinks

I'm not proud of this but I thought it worthy of note. In the past 4 days - twice I've gone out and had 18 drinks. Exactly 18 drinks both times. But here's the thing - both times I've come home with more money in my pocket than when I went out.

On Wednesday, St. Patrick's Day, I got into a poker game and won. Yesterday I hit a Keno ticket for $450 to start the day. Do I dare test the magic of 18 drinks yet again today? Could this be my new full-time job?

Release the Kraken!

Debauchery - Thy Name is Preakness

This story conjures up images of the infield turned to a mud mix of spilled beer and vomit. Excellent - will there be webcams?

The key paragraph from the story:

Under the new drinking policy announced Friday, patrons will be able to pay $20 for 16-ounce mugs of beer with unlimited refills. The price of admission for the infield will be $40 - $10 less than last year - and individual beers will go from $3.50 to $3. Outside food and coolers will still be allowed, but any drinks, including water, are off-limits.

Can you just picture the potential riot waiting to happen if there are not enough places to get beer or pourers to dispense the golden liquid? This is going to be great fun to watch. I'm serious about the webcams. This will be more interesting to watch than the racing.

Welcome Home



If you don't tear up when watching this - well then there's something wrong with you.

HT American Digest

NCAA Flotsam and Jetsam

Miscellaneous March Madness thoughts and observations.

Georgetown's sports teams are called the Hoyas which is Greek for "what rocks!" Given their performance on Thursday maybe the nickname should be changed to "what bricks!"... Every year I say that I'll bet every single underdog in the first round. You would have done pretty good this year if you used that strategy. Instead I picked individual games and went 0-5 until I had Syracuse over Vermont last night... The joke is already old but is Murray State one of those 57 states that Barack Obama claimed to have campaigned in?... I'm in a knockout pool where I have Kentucky and Northern Iowa. Root for those two teams to continue to cover the spread. Can you do that for me? Thanks... St. John's should hire Mark Jackson as their next coach. Then Jackson should hire an up and coming recruiting coach and a veteran bench coach. St. John's should be one of the better programs in the country given their location and history...

Linky Links

Some stuff I found interesting and thought I'd share.

- Twelve reasons Guinness is good for you. I had plenty of goodness yesterday.

- Blockbuster heading for bankruptcy?

- Unlocking the opium poppy's biggest secret

- Bernie Madoff gets ass kicked in jail. Good!

- Darth Vader gets around

Holy Crap!

I saw this picture of Nancy Pelosi.

All I could think of was this character from the movie Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.

Nancy Pelosi as a Roald Dahl character? Now it all makes sense!

College Basketball

It's that time of year again. College basketball March Madness. I use Bodog for my NCAA college basketball lines. I've put this link to their basketball lines in my blogroll (right above ESPN.com) to make things easy.

Today I like the following:

- Georgia Tech +9 over Duke (Georgia Tech to win outright with a money line of +375 also looks appealing)

- Richmond +4.5 over Temple

- Kentucky -7 over Mississippi State

- Minnesota +4.5 over Ohio State

Good luck to you and wish me luck.

Shakespeare Insults Eric Massa

I saw this Shakespearean Insult Generator and this insult stood out like the Bard was speaking directly to disgraced New York Democratic Congressman Erc Massa:

"You scullion! You rampallian! You fustilarian! I'll tickle your catastrophe!" - Taken from: Henry IV, part 2

This one would have worked just as well:

Thou artless tickle-brained flirt-gill!

Top 10 Fantasy Baseball Second Baseman

Here's how I would rank second baseman for fantasy baseball purposes.

1. Chase Utley Phillies - if he's healthy then it's not even close.
2. Robinson Cano Yankees - this guy is a danger to win a batting title every year plus he has 20+ HR power. Being in the powerful Yankees lineup trumps concerns that sometimes he seems to play like he doesn't care.
3. Ian Kinsler Rangers - last year it seemed that Kinsler traded batting average for batting power. This season he could find a happy medium for both and hit .290 with 25 HR.
4. Dustin Pedroia Red Sox - you could almost make the argument for any of the next three to be listed in any order.
5. Aaron Hill Blue Jays - last year was a career year for Hill but he should be coming into his prime seasons so he should be able to duplicate something close.
6. Ben Zobrist Rays - was last year a fluke? Could be a bargain in most leagues but that's because the uncertainty about him. Hey - the AL East sure has a great bunch of second basement don't they?
7. Dan Uggla Marlins - 27+ HR's and 88+ RBI each of the past four years.
8. Gordon Beckham White Sox - may be listed as third base only in some leagues but worth a pick for when he become eligible.
9. Brian Roberts Orioles - most people probably have Roberts listed much higher than this but I'm concerned about his health.
10. Casey McGehee Brewers - could be a real sleeper for those not paying attention. Last year he hit 16 HR and was 4th in OPS among second basement with at least 300 AB.

Flotsam and Jetsam

Miscellaneous thoughts and observations.

In 1942 Joe Gordon of the Yankees led the AL in strikeouts w/ 95. These days 95 wouldn't even lead the AL at the All-Star break... I'm a big fan of this beer. Sam Adams Noble Pils - a brief history/review. And yes I do consider myself an average American Bud Light swiller... OK Nomar Garciaparra signed a one-day minor league contract with the Red Sox and then retired. The contract was supposedly for $30. That raises two questions in my mind - A: did Arn Tellum (Nomar's agent) get his $4.50 and B: did Nomar also get his per diem money?... I'll say it again - TiVo is the modern technology equivalent of the Pony Express. Famous but short-lived. Both ushered in better things... I was reading a document that was talking about "private equity" except I read it as "pirate equity". I would so invest in pirate equity. Maybe something like the Crimson Permanent Assurance...

Nomar

Nomar Garciaparra retired yesterday and he retired as a member of the Boston Red Sox. That's great - now he can go into the Hall of Fame wearing a Red Sox cap.What you don't think Nomar deserves induction? Well let me tell you - if they let in Joe Gordon then Normar is a sure thing!

I'm only half-joking about that Hall of Fame bit. People say that know a Hall of Famer when they see one. That's the main argument keeping Bert Blyleven out of the Hall. Conversely people who watched Nomar play in his first full six seasons will tell you they thought they were watching a surefire Hall of Famer. Nomar won the Rookie of the Year, two batting titles and was top 10 in MVP voting 4 times during those years. If at the end of 2000 you polled baseball fans which shortstop would end up in Cooperstown then Nomar would have topped the list over A-Rod and Jeter.

Nomar was unique. His batting style, his great big nose, his love of soccer and Mia Hamm. He was the anti-Jeter and anti-A-Rod. And we loved him for it!

Then came the wrist injury. Then came the trade out of town which was accompanied by the Red Sox front office knocking Nomar down in the media in order to build themselves up. Then came the five and a half years in the wilderness where Nomar was no longer Nomar. He was an oft-injured player whose prime was behind him. Then came yesterday's retirement announcement. The prodigal son had returned and he was welcomed with open arms.

Nomar's body let him down but he never let Red Sox fans down. He gave it his all every time he took the field and just as important - he didn't disappear in the playoffs (*cough*Roger Clemens*cough*).

So welcome back Nomar. For some of us - you never really left the fold. Just do me a favor - stop with the "Red Sox Nation" crap. For real fans "Red Sox Nation" is just a made up marketing program.

Linky Links

Stuff I found interesting and thought I'd share.

- The world's first commercially available jetpack - I'm still waiting for the flying cars. I was promised flying cars.

- Captain Kirk and Enterprise crew encounter strangest alien they've ever seen

- Timeline of the Ali/Frazier "Fight of the Century."

- Heh Heh

- Tweet of the Day: @arthurpdent42 Chuck Norris once destroyed all the elements on the Periodic Table... because he only believes in the element of surprise

Top 10 Fantasy Baseball First Baseman

Here's how I would rank first baseman for fantasy baseball purposes.

1. Albert Pujols Cardinals - obvious choice though my gut tells me that Pujols is due for a year with time missed for injuries
2. Ryan Howard Phillies
3. Prince Fielder Brewers - you could flip these last two with no problem. I put Howard slightly ahead of Fielder due to the better line-up surrounding him.
4. Miguel Cabrera Tigers - a sober Cabrera could have a monster year
5. Mark Teixeira Yankees
6. Kevin Youkilis Red Sox - you could flip these last two with no problem also. I put Teixeira first so that people wouldn't say I was a Red Sox homer. Youkilis actually should be taken before Teixeira since Youkilis also qualifies as a 3rd baseman as.
7. Joey Votto Reds - could be one of the best values in any draft. Capable of putting up numbers equal to anyone above him on this list but you can generally grab him much later in the draft.
8. Adrian Gonzalez Padres - great hitter but home ballpark and lack of support in line-up drop him down the list
9. Kendry Morales Angels - can he repeat his breakout season from last year? If yes then he easily can produce as good as anyone above him on list.
10. Derrek Lee Cubs - this is how deep this position is. Derek Lee is 10th and Justin Morneau doesn't even make the cut!

I have Pablo Sandoval and Mark Reynolds classified as third baseman but many leagues allow you to play them at first as well. I guess the point is this position is so deep that you shouldn't use your first or even second pick on a first baseman unless you have the chance to grab Albert Pujols.

Layer Cake

Last night I watched the movie Layer Cake starring Daniel Craig in his pre-James Bond days. What a great movie. Thoroughly enjoyed it. Plenty of action and humor. It also made you think and surprised you with outcomes you never saw coming. I know I'm late to the game on this one but I highly recommend the movie to anyone who hasn't already seen it.

It was also very interesting seeing Michael Gambon playing a bad guy. Seeing the guy who is now known for playing Professor Dumbedore swearing and generally being an evil genius was just amusing to me.

The Whole of the Moon

So I clicked on this mesmerizing link and I was like - "whoa is that girl farting diamonds?"

And as serendipity would have it The Waterboy's Whole of the Moon was playing on my laptop at the same time.

Freaky.

Linky Links

Stuff I thought was interesting enough to share.

- Seven Muslims arrested in Ireland for plotting to murder Swedish cartoonist

- 2011 MLB Vesting Options

- Actress playing Helen Keller falls off the stage - you know you want to see that (I'll save you a seat on the bus ride to hell)

- Heywood Jablome could not be reached for comment

- Polyamory is Wrong! - in so many ways

- Mighty Obama at the bat - this is just plain great.

- 5 Mistakes HBO made in the Larry-Magic Special

Top 10 Fantasy Baseball Catchers

Here's how I would rank catchers for fantasy baseball purposes.

1. Joe Mauer Twins - not even close. Mauer should be one of the top picks in every draft.
2. Victor Martinez Red Sox - he'll be hitting almost every day in the middle of the potent Red Sox line-up. I can see .290 / 28 / 105 type lines for V-Mart.
3. Jorge Posada Yankees - not saying Posada is the third best catcher in baseball but I am saying that he'll put up the third best set of offensive numbers.
4. Brian McCann Braves - if he did better against lefties then he'd probably be ranked above Posada.
5. Geovany Soto Cubs - I'm looking for a big bounce back year from Soto. He had the classic sophomore slup and now he's in the cliche "best shape of his life". I guess you could classify this as a sleeper pick.
6. Mike Napoli Angels - solid 20 HR / 80 RBI production.
7. Miguel Montero Diamondbacks - could be a breakout year for the 27-year old Montero.
8. Chris Iannetta Rockies - two words "Coors Field". If you can carry two catchers play Iannetta when he's at home (.929 career OPS at Coors Field) and play your other catcher when he's on the road.
9. Matt Weiters Orioles - he will probably be drafted higher in most drafts than he deserves due to the hype about his potential. I bought into the hype last year but won't get fooled again. The people I've listed above him will all post similar type numbers but probably be available for you in later rounds of the draft.
10. Russell Martin Dodgers - most people will probably have him ranked higher but I'm worried about both his off year last season and his recent groin injury which you never know could nag him throughout the year.

Linky Links

Some stuff I found interesting and thought I'd share.

- Praying Mantis 1, Hummingbird 0

- FIREARMS: More useful than a camera. I guess the guy who took the picture at least lived to develop the film.

- Interesting: There are more African Americans under correctional control today than were enslaved in 1850

- Glen 'Big Baby' Davis tried out for the role of Michael Oher in 'The Blind Side'

- Inglorious Plumbers

Books

You may notice that this morning I updated the books at the top of the blog. These books represent some of my most recent reads and I recommend them all. At some point I'll be doing quick reviews for all of them.

Thanks

Best Oscar Acceptance Speech of All-Time

Best Oscar acceptance speech of all-time was by Michael Curtiz for winning best director for Casablanca in 1944,

“So many times I have a speech ready, but no dice. Always a bridesmaid, never a mother. Now I win, I have no speech.” — Michael Curtiz, accepting his Oscar for Best Director (Casablanca)

Incredible!

This guy is just unreal!

Seriously watch that video.

Charles Mann on The Americas Before Columbus

Very interesting discussion with Charles Mann, author of the book 1491, on what the Americas were really like before Columbus came to the "New World."

The taped discussion is about an hour long but very interesting stuff. Pre-Columbian Indian societies were much more complex than many people who would peddle the "noble savage" type history would have you believe. I'll be buying the book this week.

Wow - Allen Iverson = Trainwreck

Wow - I never realized that Allen Iverson's life was such a mess.

Allen Iverson is in trouble, folks, deep trouble. The combination of alcohol and gambling - and a once-promising career in tatters because of the first two - won't culminate in anything short of disaster if help does not arrive in short order.

If numerous NBA sources are telling the truth - and there's no reason to believe they'd do otherwise in a situation of this magnitude - Iverson will either drink himself into oblivion or gamble his life away.

Nice job by Stephen A. Smith. I criticize him often but Screaming A really brought his A-game on this piece.

Flotsam and Jetsam

Miscellaneous thoughts and observations.

You can tell the Count on Seasame Street is not a real vampire since he's out during the day all the time. So the Count is basically a poser. A Twighlight wannabe... Gesundheit... Tweet of the Day from @ShitMyDadSays "I lost 20 pounds...How? I drank bear piss and took up fencing. How the fuck you think, son? I exercised"... The other night somebody texted my wife that they just "laughed out load." That sounds dirty. Should I be jealous?... Stat of the Day: Number of humans killed by Killer Whales in the wild - 0. Number of humans killed by Killer Whales at marine parks - 24... I woke this morning to a dream of my wife bugging me to get the trash out. It was so real that I put the trash together and was about to bring it to the curb when I realized today is Sunday and trash day is on Monday... Tweet of the Day 2 from @SportsMinute "Barry Bonds and his wife are divorcing. Maybe he’s not taking as many performance enhancing drugs as we thought"...

Top 5 - Pink Floyd Songs

Today is David Gilmour's 64th birthday. In his honor here are what I consider Pink Floyd's top 5 songs.

1. Wish You Were Here
2. Shine on You Crazy Diamond
3. Time
4. Have a Cigar
5. Comfortably Numb

Linky Links

Stuff I found interesting and thought I'd share.

- How to order a beer in 50 languages

- Beer battleship (yes I seem to be concentrating on beer today don't I - well it is Saturday)

- Exactly how many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?

- B-B-B-BUTT DRUGS

Good News for Coffee Drinkers

Seeing as I'm on my fourth cup of coffee today - this is good news:

Coffee drinkers may be less likely to be hospitalized for heart rhythm disturbances, according to a new study by the Kaiser Permanente Division of Research in Oakland, Calif. The researchers, who note the findings may be surprising because patients frequently report palpitations after drinking coffee, are presenting the study at the American Heart Association's 50th Annual Conference on Cardiovascular Disease Epidemiology and Prevention in San Francisco on March 5, 2010.

Ed Wade

How are you spending your Saturday morning? In between catching up on work email and reports - I'm going to take a look at the job Ed Wade has done as GM of the Houston Astros. My curiosity in checking out Wade was sparked by a semi-defense of Wade by Richard Justice who I respect as one of the best baseball writers in the country.

As a Red Sox fan I'm a bit biased against Wade since when in Philadelphia he traded Curt Schilling and he fired Terry Francona as manager. Plus when I've posted about Ed Wade in the past:

As in here.

And here.

I haven't been kind to Ed Wade. I think the phrase I used was "jerkface loser." Richard Justice's semi-defense makes me wonder if I was being too unkind. I went over the depth chart of the team and I have to say my opinion of Ed Wade hasn't changed.

Linky Links

Some stuff I found interesting and thought I'd share.

- A look at rainbow trout and how they became so prevalent in the US. I never knew this stuff. I always just assumed they were native to New England even after seeing the stocking truck dump thousands into a local lake for the annual Knights of Columbus fishing derby.

- Everything you wanted to know about men's testicles but were afraid to ask.

- Where our arithmetic symbols come from

- Harder, harder harder (that's curling talk)

- This is why I lost my job (I spent way too much time playing with this sound board)

- Great glowing squid! I found this to be fascinating.

And I Own a Mansion and a Yacht

I get lots of spam emails and often somehow get signed up on lots of different lists. Most times both forms of email are just annoying. Somehow I got signed up to receive regular updates from the Global Boat Market that lists yachts for sale.

I think it's very cool. I so want a $6.5 million 100 foot yacht that sleeps 11. Please Obama Santa send me one for Christmas.

Linky Links

Some stuff I found interesting and wanted to share.

- A flying hovercraft! I so want one of these!

- OK Go - This Too Shall Pass. The coolest thing currently on the Internets.

- Terminally ill ants remove themselves from the nest.

- Amazing paintings by a blind man

- A look at the Red Sox catching situation beyond 2010

A Confession but Not an Apology

I need to get something off my chest - I bet on the Canadian hockey team on Sunday. There I said it. This does not make me a traitor or a bad American. In my mind - it just means that I've finally realized that the purpose of placing bets is to win money (like last week when I took Cleveland over the Celtics).

Let's face it - the Canadian hockey team was just more talented than the American team. All I had to give up for an even money bet was one goal. I thought that an excellent bet and I took it. That doesn't mean I wasn't conflicted. I justified things to myself by saying my bet had no impact on the outcome (and it doesn't). I said to myself that "hey I bet on the American team on Friday." I saw Don Cherry wearing a pin supporting the troops and found some mental solace in that tidbit.

Besides - I thought this bet was a mortal lock! A sure thing! And it very nearly was.

Let's face it - the two goals the US scored were flukey. The first one should have been an offsides call and the puck just trickled through under Luongo's arm and uniform. He makes that save 99 out of 100 times. The second goal came with just seconds to play. The Canadian team should have flipped the puck at the empty net by then.

I will admit to rooting for the USA during overtime but wasn't too disappointed when Sid the Kid scored the winning goal since it meant a push for my bet.

If the same opportunity came up again. I'd make the same bet again. Probably for more money. I make no apologies.

Flotsam and Jetsam

Miscellaneous thoughts and observations.

Just before waking this morning I dreamt that the guys from Sun Life sabotaged a nuclear power plant in order to boost their company's name recognition... I love the story of the "pudding guy." I had never heard about the guy who turned $3,000 in pudding into 31 round trip air tickets to Europe. Awesome... Damn - yesterday was Beer Day and I didn't know it!... Derek Lowe may be the Opening Day starter for the Braves but he's probably their #3 starter in reality... Whenever my friend is disappointed in something he says "That's crap!" I've decided to instead say "That's carp!" in similar circumstances... Why was everyone so worried about Tsunamis? Barack Obama promised to keep the oceans waters from rising if he got elected. He keeps his promises!... The Cardinals signed Felipe Lopez to a cheap contract but they may regret it. You'll never hear anyone describe Lopez as a "veteran clubhouse presence." You will more likely hear someone describe him as a douchebag...

- Jimmy Kimmel's Unnecessary Censorship Sesame Street edition

- Alaskan Bill Howell Wins 2010 Beerdrinker Of The Year. I have to enter this contest!

- Cool! A Silent Rotor Blade Paves the Way for Super-Stealth Choppers