H.L. Mencken (1880–1956), writer
The following is all true.
Last night as I was settling in to watch “Life” on the digital recorder, I received a phone call from a polling service (we don't have caller ID). The woman didn’t know who hired them and I believed her, so I agreed to answer some questions.
However as the questions went on, it became obvious that it was commissioned by Michael Bloomberg. By obvious I mean long statements about Bloomberg that I had to interrupt. Here is the announcement: Bloomberg is going to run as an independent candidate for president, if Hillary Clinton and Rudy Giuliani are their respective party nominees.
This would be the worse selection of candidates in my adult life, if this scenario comes to pass.