Those geriatric bastards still know how to put on a hell of a show. I highly recommend it.

I'd also like to apologize to Beardy. He put together a cool fantasy baseball league and I've neglected it. I've done things that I vowed in the beginning not to do; I let trade offers sit there unresponded to, and I let players stay in the starting lineup despite being on the DL.

Right there on top was the note. "Christ, he even sent a limerick." I thought. I sent my concerned wife from the room.

Well, another Turk Off is over and Beardy is the winner. His win was historic. In fact, it's the first time in history that a Turk Off was won by anyone other than myself.

Even if it was a fluke; even if it took an almost supernatural turn of events, it is never-the-less A Beardy victory.

For those of you who are having trouble grasping the true significance and nature of this victory, it's like the 1980 USA hockey team pulling off their historic upset over the previously indestructible Soviets at the height of their power. Yes, I would not be surprised to see this made into an epic movie after a few years go by and the dust has settled.

Here's the theoretical cast:

Beardy - Jack Elam
Motherscratcher - Billy Jacoby
Dayf - Sam Elliott
Dubbs - Leif Garrett
Canuck - Yvonne Strahovski

For those that are worried that I'm going to stiff Beardy out of his winnings, I have made this post for 2 simple reasons:

1. To compare Beardy to Jack Elam
2. To link to a picture of Yvonne Strahovski
3. To show off my obscure pop culture acumen
4. To let everyone know that I'm still the best Turker, no matter the final score.
5. To give Beardy a glimpse into his glorious future.

So, here is that glimpse:
There will be no money. I cannot promise that you will receive total consciousness on your deathbed. But I can offer a few cards and maybe something represented by the above picture. It is a legendary Cleveland Christmas tradition.

I hope your package arrives before Christmas. And, I hope that the contents are up to the standard that a Turk Off Champions deserves.

Once, again, well done Beardy.

Here, laid out before you, is the finely tuned rules for the Second Turk Off. This is meant mostly as a guide to the Great Beardy and myself to refer to during the competition for easy scoring. That, however, in no way excludes you lesser folk from looking. In fact, I encourage it.

Dayf, of the incomparable Cardboard Junkie, has once again been tagged as the commissioner. As if he had any choice in the matter he has graciously agreed. ( At least I think he has, not that it matters. He's Commish whether he likes it or not.) Please keep your correspondence with him to a minimum during the Turk Off as it will require his full and undivided attention. He is, of course, free to continue blogging, or whatever the hell it is that he does over there.

If there are any questions feel free to ask. Don't hold your breath for an answer but ask anything you want.

If anyone has any suggestions on how to improve scoring or sees something that we've overlooked, please, by all means, let us know in the comments. Like Hans Gruber, I will take it under advisement.

Now, hit it again.



Base Cards

Base 0
Red 2
White 5
Black 10
Gold 20
Suede 100


Relic

Base 8
Red 15
White 25
Black 40
Gold 100
Suede 500

Auto

Base 15
Red 25
White 40
Black 80
Gold 300
Suede 1,000


Orioles and Indians: +2 for base
X2 for hits and variations

Markakis or Sizemore: +5 base
X5 hits and variations

Yankees: -1 base
X ½ hits and variations

Negative players: -2 base
-5 hit or variation

Coco Crisp
Sidney Ponson
Kris Benson
Kameron Loe
Kaz Matsui

Negative Base Auto: -10
Dan Johnson

Negative Base Relics: -8
Frenchy
Morgan Ensberg

Expired Redemption: -100

Expired A-Rod: - 500 and a kick in the nuts (honor system)

Great Players List: +2 base
X2 hit or variation

(I tried to pick player who were not already on the SP list. This is subject to change prior to the start of Turking.)

Chipper Jones
Johan Santana
Carlos Beltran
Albert Pujols
Pedro Martinez

Great Rookies list: +2 base
X2 hit or variation

Prince Fielder
Ian Kinsler
Ryan Zimmerman
Hanley Ramirez
Justin Verlander

Retired Players: +2 base
X2 hit or variation

Add Back: X3

SPs: 5 pts (there are no SPs in the variations as far as I can tell, so base only)

SP List:

316B Alex Rodriguez Rangers SP
316C Alex Rodriguez M's SP
317 Jeff Francoeur SP
325B Magglio Ordonez White Sox SP
332 Joe Mauer SP
338 Jake Peavy SP
339A Carlos Delgado Mets SP
339B Carlos Delgado Blue Jays SP
343B Richie Sexson Brewers SP
348B Preston Wilson Marlins SP
350 Ichiro Suzuki SP
351B Mike Piazza Mets SP
357 Chris Shelton SP
358 Chone Figgins SP
364 J.J. Hardy SP
375 Derrek Lee SP
390 Jim Edmonds SP
392 Morgan Ensberg SP
395 Greg Maddux SP
400 Barry Bonds SP
405 Johnny Damon SP
410 Andruw Jones SP
411 Jhonny Peralta SP
416 Josh Beckett SP
418 Noah Lowry SP
422 Felix Hernandez SP
430A David Ortiz Red Sox SP
430B David Ortiz Twins SP
444 Jose Reyes SP
449 Nick Swisher SP
450 Derek Jeter SP
451 Scott Kazmir SP
455B Ken Griffey Jr. M's SP
459B Xavier Nady Padres SP
460B Randy Johnson Astros SP
465 Ryan Howard SP
466 Tim Salmon SP
467 Mark Buehrle SP
476A Nick Johnson Nats SP
476B Nick Johnson Yanks SP
481 Ryan Madson SP
489 Chase Utley SP
493 Tadahito Iguchi SP
497 Jorge Cantu SP
501A Alfonso Soriano Nats SP
501B Alfonso Soriano Yanks SP
508B Tim Hudson A's SP
521 Ervin Santana SP
524 Adrian Gonzalez SP
528 Joe Crede SP
532 Scott Rolen SP
535 Mark Teixeira SP
541 Ronny Cedeno SP
561B Livan Hernandez Giants SP
565 Jonny Gomes SP


Printing Plates: 20 pts (all 4 kinds are the same odds)

Cabinet or B-18 Blankets: 5 pts plus appropriate multipliers (both are the same odds)

Cabinet Auto Relic: X10
Cabinet Suede: X15
Cabinet Dual Auto Relic: X20
Cabinet Auto Relic Suede: X20
Cabinet Dual Auto Relic Suede: X100

Repurchased T-3 Cabinet or Blanket: +5,000

I know what you have all been thinking this past month:

"What about the Turk Off 2?"

"Isn't there supposed to be another historic Turk Off?"

"I can't stand this! I want to see another epic struggle waged between these 2 great men, one with beard and one sans, to determine, once and for all (or at least a second time) who is the greatest of the great, who will live to tell the tale, who will ultimately be the master of his cardboard domain!"

Well, after much delay and anticipation, I'm proud to say...It's ON! Almost 100% it's ON! I'd put it at no less than 82.3% that this thing is going to happen.

"What was the delay?" you are no doubt asking yourselves. Well...it was me. For reasons mostly within my control, but some out of my control, I kept delaying. To tell you the truth, after Beardy shamed me during the Gint-A-Cuffs, annihilated me in Fantasy football, and embarrassed the Browns with his stolen franchise...twice...I wasn't sure I wanted to risk the only title I hold over him...Lord of the Turk Off.

So, I delayed. I dangled turkey red flavored carrots. I devised Turk Off rules that made little sense. I repeatedly ignored emails asking for clarifications and changes. I made him wait...and wait...and wait. He must have spent untold hours just staring at that glorious unopened box of 2006 Turkey Red wondering if he would live to one day see the beauty that most assuredly lurked just under the lid.

I got inside his head. He must be just about insane by now.

Now, some of you may consider this bush league psych out stuff. Laughable, man.

I actually believe that I was doing Beardy a favor.



Like Pai Mei to Beardy's Beatix Kiddo, I was teaching him the importance of patience. Because it is important. I'm sure it is. At least that's what everyone else says.

But, his patience, unlike his beard, is wearing thin. And the epic struggle must soon commence. So it was written, and so it shall be done.

Soon to follow will be the official set of Turk Off 2 rules to be used as a reference guide.

After that, hide the women and children because the Turking Off shall begin once again.

Welcome Back, your dreams were your ticket out.

Welcome back, to the same old Blogs that we laughed about.

That's right Kids! Dubbs is back; and so is his great blog Cheese And Beer.



So head on over and see what he's been up to.

Dubbs has always been one of my favorite bloggers. It probably started when he left me a comment on one of my more ridiculous posts and called it "genius". Being ever so humble I immediately thought "It's about damn time somebody figured that out."

Dubbs is clearly a genius in his own right for recognizing my genius.

He's been up to a lot of stuff. One of his big announcements is that he is now a homeowner in South Carolina. He's got a picture up on his blog, but I cut and pasted it here in case any of you are too lazy or too pressed for time to hit the link and look for yourselves.


It is a sweet looking abode. I'm sure there's a nice rug in there somewhere tying the whole thing together nicely.

So, if you are here, you probably have a blog. If you do, go over there and add Cheese And Beer back to your list if it isn't already there. Welcome him back proper.

I always felt like Beardy, Dubbs, and I were like the 3 Musketeers. Well, the 3 Stooges at least. I like the 3 Stooges better anyway.

I've been sick all week. Not the wonderful kind of sick where you can't even go to work and you get to lay in bed and sleep and watch TV and have people take care of you and bring you food. No, the kind of sick where it feels like the terrorists planted a snot bomb in your head and set it for Monday morning.

But, not sick enough to stay home from work. It has to be pretty bad for that. Being a dentist, if I can't make it in, it really can inconvenience a LOT of people that have toothaches and took time off work and stuff to come see me. So I went and was miserable. Then I came home, ate and went to bed.

Of course I made sure to make time to catch Carston Charles face off against Clifton Phifer in a couple of performances that we...you know...COULD HAVE USED TWO FREAKIN' YEARS AGO!!!!

But I'm not mad. I'm not mad.

But that has nothing to do with this post. This post is about cards that I got from Beardy. I don't remember why I got them. But they are mine none-the-less.

Since my month long sabbatical, I'll be playing catch up for a while. So don't be surprised if something that you sent me in say...2005...makes it up on my blog.

Here is some kick ass stuff that Beardy sent along. Possibly because he felt bad for stealing my football team and using it to bludgeon the current farce in Brown and Orange.

Joe Carter 1985 Topps

I always liked Joe Carter. He was a very popular Indian in my youth. Then we traded him for a package including Sandy Alomar Jr, who was even more popular. I don't know how you characterize his time in Cleveland as anything but a success, and if you ask any Cleveland fan, they will tell you that they have fond memories of him.

As a kid, I remember thinking he was one of the greatest players of his era, maybe ever (I also thought that about Andre Thornton). And then I found the cult of Bill James and realized that it's kind of important not to make outs. Now I look at Joe more the way he really was. A good player who hit a great Home Run.

Not for the Indians, of course.


Joe Carter 1986 Topps

Another Joe card from the set that (somehow) started it all for me. I still often look at the 1986 design and just marvel. I'd really like to know exactly how in the hell something like that happened.


Grady Sizemore 2009 Topps Chrome

You may have heard that I'm a fan of Sizemore. I may have already told you about my run in with Grady. It's a fantastic story that happened in september, right after he was shut down for the season.

You're never going to believe this. I was walking out of Giant Eagle and he was walking in.

OK, I guess that's not such a great story.



OK OK, Time out. I have to tell you this. I had the WS game on and it ended a few minutes ago. The news came on and the lead story is about how the police found 2 decomposing bodies on the 3rd floor of a house on the east side. There was also a freshly dug grave in the basement. The bodies have apparently been there for about a month decomposing with the guy still living in the house.

One of the neighbors was interviewed, the wayt the news always does. JJ Jackson, neighbor, appears on camera wearing sunglasses (it's night). What does JJ have to say?

"It's not going to be a good Halloween"

Classic.

Oh yeah...That's a Casey Blake 2006 UD Epic

Travis Hafner 2009 A&G Relic

Love Travis Hafner. Watch out next year. Hafner will be healthy. He's going to team up with LaPorta to hit the crap out of the ball next year.

Seriously, watch out.

Bob Feller 2008 Tristar Signacuts Auto

Bob Feller was one of the greatest of all time. He was an ace pilot in WW2 and Korea. He'd just as soon kick you in the gut as look at you.

Bob Feller...Red Ass Extraordinaire.

Love the auto.

Thanks dude.

A few weeks ago Punk Rock Paint and Beardy made another push in the storied history that is the Big Lebowski Card Fest. Thanks to Beardy, who has contributed well over half of the set, we now have the series 2 checklist completed with painstaking detail by our own beloved Punk Rock Paint.

Be sure to check out their blogs. If you already have, well, do it again. What the hell is wrong with you anyway?

These 8 cards bring us up to date, only 2 weeks after they were originally submitted. The fact that it took 2 weeks suprises absolutely nobody.


TBL087 Nihilists #04 2008 Beardy Original
Beardy



TBL088 Checklist 02 1968 Topps
Punk Rock Paint



TBL089 Dude #13 2008 Masterpieces
Beardy



TBL090 Brandt #02 2008 Masterpieces
Beardy



TBL091 Jesus #08 2008 Masterpieces
Beardy



TBL092 Creep Can Roll #01 2008 Masterpieces
Beardy



TBL093 Oat Soda #01 2008 Masterpieces
Beardy



TBL094 Mark It Zero #01 2008 Masterpieces
Beardy


I think that it is very appropriate that most if these are called masterpieces, because that's exactly what they are. How Beardy creates these effects is beyond me. But it is awesome.

Thanks fellas.

Oh, and Beardy, I wasn't sure if these were based on 07 or 08 Masterpieces, or what. And I was too lazy to figure it out. If I need to change them just let me know and I will do it tout suite.

A week ago The Big Lebowski Card Fest Set was revived by Punk Rock Paint.

A day later Beardy comes through once again

Here is the latest from the TBL set MVP


TBL086 Lebowski Triple Auto #01 2009 Beardy Original


Check it out, man. Triple Fuckin' Auto. Well done Beardy.

Sorry it took so long to get it officially added. My excuse would involve a combination of time constraints, lazyness, and idiocy. With a strong focus on the lazyness.

And the Idiocy.


Far out, man.

As all of my loyal readers may have noticed, I've added a followers link to the right hand side. Go ahead, take a look, I'll wait. See it over there? Yeah, I have no damn idea what the hell it's for. But Beardy requested that I put it there. And, it's not a good idea to piss off beardy. Just look at that crazy bastard.




Not a dude that you want to say no to. Am I wrong?

Seems as if I have 12 followers, which seemed really cool to me, until I looked at every other blog and realized that they all have around 40. I never really understood the point of the whole followers thing. I guess it let's you know when someone updates their blog, but doesn't the blogroll already do that? Well, I signed up for a handful of your blogs to start with and I'll continue to sign up for more. I'm officially a follower. Before you know it I'll be twittering with all of the other crazy whippersnappers out there. Damn kids with their tweets, blogs, and follower thingimadoos.

After a year of this (that's right, my 1 year anniversary quietly passed a few days ago. Maybe I'll do something to commemorate it. I thought about making a post but it didn't seem right unless it was a few weeks late) I finally am making an effort to get with the program.

Thanks to Beardy for the much needed kick in the pants.

By the way...Gint-A-Cuffs is going to kick ass.

Beardy has remarked to me on more than one occasion that he cannot understand how I have unopened wax ready to bust. He probably shares the majority opinion in that unopened wax doesn't usually last very long among collectors.

Well, here is a picture of my unopened wax boxes:



There are probably around 45-50 boxes to open. A few have some packs opened. The only one in this picture that is empty is the Turkey Red box in the top left corner. That is the box from the Turk Off. I usually would just throw it away but I got a call from Cooperstown so instead I'm sending it to the Museum.

Most is junk wax, or as Rob (VOTC) sometimes calls it, kindling. But it's still fun to open. Some of you out there have gotten some of the stuff pictured here, but the vast majority remains sealed.

There is some good stuff too. Some Chrome, Masterpieces. Turkey Red, Finest Threads...not too shabby.

I keep it because I refuse to get behind in my organization and filing. So, if I have cards to be filed I will not open new cards.

Don't judge me...that's the way I like to do it.

In fact, I'm all caught up right now. That box of 2009 Finest looks pretty good....

Beardy has set down the final rules for the Turk Off. I'm 96.7% sure that we got everything covered. In the unlikely scenario that there is some sort of dispute that we cannot hash out for ourselves I have appointed Dayf to the the 2007 Turk Off Commishioner.

Dayf has not been approached about this and he has certainly not agreed to it. It's mostly a ceremonial position, like the King of Canada or whatever they have up there. It carries with it no real responsibilities. I just thought we needed a Commish, mostly to try to intimidate Beardy with Dayf's formidable beard.

Dayf cannot reject or turn down this offer. He's the Commish. He gets no say in that decision.

OK, On with the rules:

BASE
0 base card
+1 Indian or Oriole base
-1 Yankee base
+2 major stars base (Mantle, Pujols, Halladay, Wright, Mauer, Griffey, Santana, Hanley Ramirez, Miguel Cabrera, Vladdy Guerrero)
-1 points if we pull base of Kenji Johjima, JD Drew, Kelvin Jiminez, Eric Chavez, or Don Kelly
+3 Markakis or Sizemore base
YANKEE MAJOR STAR BASE WORTH 1pt

HITS
+3 Chrome
+5 Chrome Refractor
+10 Chrome Black Refractor
+15 Chromograph
+10 Relic
+5 President
+20 Silk
+8 for a SP or Ad Back
+7 Cabinet
+20 Cabinet Dick Perez Auto

MULTIPLIER FOR "HITS"
x2 If any of those pulls are Indians or Orioles
x3 If any hits are of major stars (Mantle, Pujols, Halladay, Wright, Mauer, Griffey, Santana, Hanley Ramirez, Miguel Cabrera, Vladdy Guerrero)
DIVIDE BY 2 FOR ALL YANKEE HITS, INCLUDING MAJOR STARS (Jeter refractor 5pts for refractor x3 star player multiplier, divided by 2 for being a Yank = 7.5pts.)
x7 If it's Markakis or Sizemore
-3 points if we pull a hit of Kenji Johjima, JD Drew, Kelvin Jiminez, Eric Chavez, or Don Kelly
x100 for Group A Chromographs (A -Rod, David Wright, Sheffield, Jason Bay, Damon, Peavy, and Ryan Howard)
x20 for Daisuke Matsuzaka Relic
x2 for James K. Polk or Benjamin Harrison President cards

The front and back of all Ad Backs must be scanned, for posterity's sake.


SP List

Yesterday I reviewed some cards from Beardy. One of them was the Allen + Ginter Grady Sizemore Mini. Beardy had sent me a few on these mini cards. I was exstatic to get them because I have very little A + G. In fact I've only ever opened up a few retail packs of it. Most of what I have has been given to me by others.

So it should come as no surprise that I didn't realize how truly awesome this card is. I remembered Beardy saying something about it in an email he had sent me, I just couldn't remember what. Sometimes I'm what Brandt would refer to as "differently abled, yes yes." Most others just kindly refer to me as "slow."

This is actually a Sizemore Mini No Number card. I probably didn't remember what Beardy had said about it because I didn't know what that meant. What the hell do I know about a No Number Card?

Here it is:



And, here's the back:



You see here? There's usually a number there right between the "Cleveland Indians" and Grady Sizemore".



Pretty cool huh? I have no doubt that I'm the last person out there that didn't know about these things. I looked on Beckett and it says that only 50 sets were made. I don't know for sure, but that seems like an awfully small print run making these cards pretty hard to get. It it 1:151 Hobby so you may get only one of these cards for opening 6-7 boxes as far as I can tell.

I doubt I would have ever figured it out on my own. Actually that's not really true. When I went to file it I would have inevitably stumbled across it and figured it out. You're not dealing with morons here. But, you get the point. I didn't know what I had.

This card deserved it's own post, not to be lumped in with Masa Kobayashi. Thanks again Beardy. Super cool.

Check out Beardy's blog. He's having a contest. Apparently, someone will be chasing him 3.1 miles and we have to guess how long it will take for him to be caught. Since I've already entered, and I have a very large brain (and it isn't one of those water heads either), there is very little chance that any of you might win. But, you never know, you may get lucky.

And, the winner of this contest gets the Adrian Beltre version of this card.

Here are the rest of the cards that Beardy sent me.



Grady Sizemore 2008 Opening Day

Of course we're starting it off again with Grady. I wasn't around last year until after this product was released. Even after I jumped back into the baseball card pool it took a long time before I knew which end was up. Because of that I have no idea how this product was received.

My guess is that it was largely ignored. Yet, somehow, these red cards are included in a lot of the packages that people send me. I think they're great, to tell the truth. I don't know if it's because of the red. Wait, what am I saying, it absolutely is because of the red. I just think it looks cool. I think this set looks better than the regular set.

Grady Sizemore 2008 Goudey

I never know whether to pronounce this Gouwwwdey or Goooodey. It doesn't matter I guess. A lot of people like these cards, although I have heard some complaining about this years set. I kind of lump it in with Allen + Ginter, Masterpieces, and Turkey Red. They're all the artwork sets.

I really like the A + G sets. really cool with interesting cards. Masterpieces is great and I love all of the parallels. You all already know that I want to make sweet sweet love to Turkey Red. Sorry Gooooodey, you're hockey. I understand that there are some people that love you, but you're a distant 4th for me.

I think it's because, growing up in Cleveland, I never got into hockey because we didn't have a team. I had plenty to keep myself occupied. I always thought that in an alternate universe maybe I'd be a big hockey fan. Who knows.

Same with Gooooodey. Maybe I just saw it last. I don't think that's it, though. I think it's probably because they decided to put Derek Jeter's face on every card. Who's idea was that? Probably some Canadian's idea. Maybe a Dutchman.

I'll probably get a few blasters of Gooooodey just to have some.




Travis Hafner A + G Mini Black border
Sizemore, Peralta, Kobayashi A + G Mini

Look at how awesome these are. The art is just so much better than the Goooodey cards. And, the black border is a really simple thing but it sure makes those cards stand out.

I can't wait until this years version comes out. I just worry about them being too much of the same, but what the heck can they change?

I decided to put together a set of A + G. Probably a Mini set or something. Maybe I'll just use 2008 because Bready has given me a good jump start. I think I may have a few more of these laying around, also.




Albert Belle 1994 Upper Deck Fantasy Team.

Fantasy Team is right. Belle was a fantasy God back in his prime. As big of a red ass as he was, I was always disappointed that his career was cut short. He was a dick in Cleveland, but it wasn't personal. And, man, could the guy hit.

The back of this card is interesting. It lists 15 outfield/DHers in each league that apparently would top the list of Fantasy players at that position. Included in this list:

Shane Mack
Billy Hatcher
Mike Devereaux
David Hulse
Kevin Reimer
Wayne Kirby

Wayne Kirby? Not to disparage these adequate (I guess) players, but Wayne Kirby? David Hulse? These guys were in the top 15 AL outfielders in 1994? Yeah, this was just the AL.

Who the hell made this list? Steve Phillips? Are these guys just those gritty, scrappy players that "play the game right and know how to win" that Phillips loves?

C'mon.

Manny Ramirez 1995 Collector's Choice

Look at that. It looks like Manny was hustling or something.

Collector's Choice. What a worthless bunch of sets that was. And don't give me any crap about kids needing sets like this that they can afford. Do you really think that a kid is going to spend on this stuff when he knows that there are a lot better products with "hits" out there. Heck no. He's going to get YuGiO or whatever the hell it's called and beg his dad for a hobby box of Stadium Club or Finest.

Of course, what the heck do I know?




Masahide Kobayashi 2008 Heritage.

Gone

Thanks Masa, it was fun while it lasted watching you not be able to pitch unless we were 10 runs up or 8 runs down. Thanks for contributing to the bullpen that has already ruined our season. Thanks for taking $6 million and sucking.

Thanks for not staring in any gay porn in Japan before you came over here like the last guy we got from the east. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Travis Hafner 2008 UD Timelines

2008 Top Prospects...WTF? Prospect? Way to jump on that boat just as it starts to sink. Way to pay attention.

I do like the notch out of the top, though.




Rod Nichols 1989 Donruss

I feel like I've written about Rod before but I can't remember. I guess I could take a moment to look, but I won't. If I haven't yet, I should have. Look at those glasses, man.

You probably know very little about Rod so I'll help you out. According to Baseball Reference, he was a very similar pitcher to Dan Larson and Buster Narum. I hope that helps.

Looking at Rob I have a difficult time figuring out where it all went wrong for him. The guy just oozes domination. He looks like a Hall of Famer. To me, anyway.

Omar Vizquel 1995 Sportflix

Hell Yeah, I love me some Sporflix. Awesome.

By the way, when the heck did Sportflics become Sportflix?





Grady Sizemore 2009 Mayo

If I remember right this Mayo product got slammed a few months back when it came out. Something about a lot of the players and autos that were supposed to be in it weren't, which I guess is a big deal. (I'm not being a smartass here, that really is a big deal). It's a shame, From the looks of this card the set could have been awesome. This is a really fantastic looking card.

Grady Sizemore 2008 UD Timelines

Does this card look cool or what? Look at that pose. Grady's awesome. Love that guy. He'll get it going here pretty soon.

Thanks very much Beardy.

I'll see you soon in the Turk Off. I hope you don't think that sending me these cards means I'm going to take it easy on you. You're going down man, sir.

Beardy sent me some cards a few weeks back. They were sent around the same time that I sent him about $1.13 worth of wax packs from 1992. He sent me about $1476.34 worth of parallels, autos, and SPs. Beardy rules. Tracy Hackler would have shit himself.

Have no fear, I do have piles for some of the blog people and am slowly (very slowly) trying to accumulate some cool stuff to send them. I've already got some cool Markakis stuff for Beardy. He should be getting it around Nov.-Dec.

In the meantime, I've challenged him to a Turk Off to the Death. I've not heard anything yet (as of this writing). I think he might be scared. If he accepts my challenge, we'll bang out some rules and I will explain just what the hell it all means. That is if he's man enough which, judging by his awesome beard, he is.

Now, on to the kick ass cards from Beardy.




Travis Hafner 2007 Masterpieces Black Linen 89/99

I'm so disappointed in Hafner. Well, not Hafner exactly. I'm frustrated with his injury. I just love the guy so much. Reports are coming out that he is feeling good and could rejoin the club soon. He may rejoin the club soon but I no longer believe that he will ever again be the player he was a few years ago. That makes me sad.

Still, this is an awesome card. I'm not sure why it's called "linen", but it's better than border somehow. Black Linen just sounds cooler.




Eddie Mujica 2006 Heritage Auto

The back of the card says that he pitched 38 innings in AA and AAA in 2006 with a 0.00 ERA before he was called up. Can that possibly be right? He pitched really well in limited duty in 2006. Then not so well the next few years. I didn't even realize it, but he's now with the Padres.

By the way, he's sporting a 3.26 ERA this season. If he was still with the Tribe he would be the best pitcher in the bullpen. I'm getting depressed.




Grady Sizemore 2008 A Piece Of History Timeless Moments 397/699

You knew the Gradys were coming. This is merely the first of many. And a 1/1 to boot! What, you don't think this is a "1/1"? Well, let me set you straight:

If you take Grady's Uni number (24) times his AB in the 2007 ALDS vs the Yankees (16) and add the number of times he was hit by a pitch in 2006 (13), well, you do the math:

24 x 16 + 13 = 397

Now you explain to me how that isn't a 1/1.

Thought so.




1986 Formalde Heidi Garbage Pail Kids

This is from series 4 and the twin is "Decapitated Hedy". I was super pumped to see this card. I've mentioned a few times on this blog how much I loved GPKs. Now, this is the lone GPK card that I own. When I saw it I got a moment of feeling like I was 12 again. Good feeling.




Martina Navratilova 2008 Donruss Americana 2

When I got this card I was thinking "who is this guy?" Just kidding. Martina deserves respect for being on the short list of greatest tennis players ever. But why in the world would they use a picture that has nothing to do with tennis and Martina seems to be doing her damnedest to look like a construction worker. Seriously, get her a yellow hard hat and you don't have a tennis star anymore; you have some dude named Ed who's waiting for the 5 O'clock whistle to blow so he can go get plowed with his buddies before getting home late for dinner.

Maybe that's harsh. Don't blame me. I didn't pick the picture.

Looks like a nice tree, though.

Travis Hafner 2008 Sweet Spot

I have no Sweet Spot. I don't know why. This is a cool card, what with the raised seems and what-have -you.




Joe Carter 1990 Classic

Another of those Classic cards that keep finding their way to me. Still has the autograph space on the back of the card that I get a huge kick out of.

Some consider Joe a Hall Of Famer. I think it has a lot to do with the famous World Series homer he hit. I remember him fondly as a player, and I wouldn't be hurt to see him get in some day.

But the guy has a .306 career OBP. The guy just made a TON of outs. I don't know how you ignore that.

Ben Fransisco 2008 Heritage

I really like Fransisco. He was handed a starting OF job this year and he just doesn't seem to want to grab it. He keeps showing flashes of what he could be, and then he keeps not being it. It's very frustrating. I'm not ready to give up on him just yet.

The back of the card mentions a 5 hit game against the Rangers in June of '08. You can't be a chump and do that, can you?

End of part 1. I have another post coming for the Beardy Goodness.


Update: While I was writing this Beardy accepted my challenge.

It's On. Prepare to be Effed in the A. I'm going to serve the hell out of you.

So, yeah, the TBL Card Fest is officially awesome. We have been contacted by the one and only Jim Hoosier (AKA Liam O'brien). Liam is Jesus Quintana's bowling partner. I have no reason to believe he has ever exposed himself to an 8 year old, or anyone else for that matter.

Jim has made the most of his celebrity by attending some of the Lebowski Fests that first sprang up in Louisville, put together by a small group of Achievers who only wanted to get drunk, go bowling, and quote the movie all night with a bunch of friends. It's grown into something I doubt even they ever envisioned.

And there is Liam, right in the middle of it. He must be like Leonard Nemoy at a Star Trek convention. Only considerably cooler.

Here's what happened.

Beardy put together this sweet card of Liam for the fest.



Well, Jim's friend, someone named "Chalupa" (it's all very mysterious) brought it to Jim's attention and he left a comment. He thought it was cool to have his own card. We couldn't agree more.

So I emailed Jim to let him know that, as of now, the Fest exists only on our computers and in our imagination. I keep thinking that some day I may be able to get a few sets made to send out to the contributors, but I fear it may be cost prohibitive. Either way I assured Jim that If such a thing does happen, he will be contacted (No physical harm intended. We're all brother shamuses here. With beverages.) and a set will be sent.

I'll paste the actual emails at the bottom.

Now, a little history about Jim. The Coens apparently left some flyers at a bowling alley looking for someone in their forties who looked Irish. Liam answered the flyer, got his picture taken, and a few days later got a call to meet with the Coens. A few weeks later he got offered the part.

Can you freakin' imagine that? Answer a flyer at the bowling alley and end up in a Coen Bros movie as the bowling partner of a pederast John Turturro in a purple onsie with a cocaine nail? Crazy world.

Well, Jim filled out the role of Liam beautifully. He has been basking in the well deserved glory of his role in this masterpiece by attending numerous Lebowskifests.

He's seen here doing some sort of dance.



It must be a hell of a time being a normal guy, but also this huge celebrity for a small group of people. I couldn't be more thrilled to hear from him.

And, maybe "Chalupa" is Turturro. What do you think? I do know that I'm trying to figure out which one of my friends to nickname "Chalupa". Life has got to be better when you know a guy named "Chalupa", right?

Thanks for the contact, Jim. Keep in touch. When we take this from the ether to cardboard, you will be one of the first to know.

Here are the emails, if you care about that sort of thing.

Hey Jim, it was good to get your comment on my ridiculous little blog, even if it did take me 2 weeks to see it. Sorry about that. The Big Lebowski set is just a creation of me and a few other deadbeat baseball card enthusiasts with too much time on our hands. As of now it exists only out in the ether and on our computers.
>
> I was considering, after a hundred cards or so, of seeing if some kind of printing company could turn them into cards for us. I don't know about all of the copyright laws and that kind of shit but I doubt anyone would kick up a fuss if it was only a few sets for our personal use.
>
> If I can accomplish getting actual cards made I'll let you know so you can tell me where to send one.
>
> Thanks again for reading. It's a real thrill having one of the actors notice us, and not exactly a lightweight either.
>
> Mike Kramer (Motherscratcher)
>
> Achiever Card Blog


Response:

Dude thanks for the info.. It was just to cool to see my Mug on a baseball card.. Keep me updated and thanks for including me in your set.. See you in Louisville at the Lebowskifest in July.
Until then "Dios Mio"..
Jim

Welcome to Beardy's TBL Card Fest Page. Please Check out his Blog





TBL094 Mark It Zero #01 2008 Masterpieces
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TBL093 Oat Soda #01 2008 Masterpieces
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TBL092 Creep Can Roll #01 2008 Masterpieces
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TBL091 Jesus #08 2008 Masterpieces
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TBL090 Brandt #02 2008 Masterpieces
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TBL089 Dude #13 2008 Masterpieces
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TBL087 Nihilists #04 2008 Beardy Original
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TBL086 Lebowski Triple Auto #01 2009 Beardy Original
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TBL081 292 F-Bombs #01 2008 Triple Threads
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TBL080 Ethos Brothers #01 2009 Beardy Original
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TBL072 The Stranger #02 2009 Potent Quotables
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TBL071 Jeffrey Lebowski #03 2009 Potent Quotables
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TBL070 Walter #07 2008 Upper Deck A Piece Of History
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TBL068 Bush #01 2009 Potent Quotables
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TBL066 Dude #10 2007 Allen + Ginter Cut Sig
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TBL065 Smokey #01 1956 Topps
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TBL058 Walter #06 2007 Allen + Ginter
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TBL057 Dude #08 2007 Allen + Ginter
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TBL056 Jesus #05 2007 Allen + Ginter
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TBL055 Jesus #04 2009 Beardy Original
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TBL054 Dude #07 2009 Beardy Original
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TBL053 Walter + The Dude #01 2009 Beardy Original
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TBL052 Dude #06 2007 Goudy Auto
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TBL051 Uli Kunkel #01 2008 Allen + Ginter
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TBL050 Artimus Jacki + Woo #01 Beardy Original
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TBL049 Liam #01 1958 Topps
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TBL048 Da Fino #01 1958 Topps
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TBL047 Maude #02 1956 Topps
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TBL046 Jeffrey Lebowski #02 1956 Topps
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TBL038 Smokey + Walter #01 2009 Beardy Original
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TBL037 Stranger #01 1956 Topps
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TBL036 Autobahn #01 2009 Heritage Relic
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TBL030 Donny #03 1956 Topps
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TBL029 Saddam #01 1958 Topps
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TBL026 Creedence #01 2009 Heritage Relic
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TBL020 Nixon #01 Heritage Relic
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TBL018 Walter #01 1960 Topps
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TBL017 Nihilists #01 1974 Topps
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TBL016 Maude #01 1955 Bowman
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TBL012 Jesus #02 1960 Topps
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TBL011 Jacki Treehorn #01 1981 Topps
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TBL010 Hungus Lajoya #01 1955 Topps
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TBL009 Dude #04 1960 Topps
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TBL008 Dude #03 2007 Turkey Red Patch
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TBL007 Dude #02 1974 Topps
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TBL006 Dude #01 2007 Turkey Red Patch Card
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TBL005 Donny #01 2008 Finest
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TBL004 Bunny #01 1958 Topps
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TBL003 Brandt #01 1989 Upper Deck
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