So, Do You Like ... Stuff?

ME : WHO WILL TAKE PICTURES OF ME AND MY HORSES THEM : HAVE YOU CHECKED THE SOCIAL MEDIA SITE NEXTDOOR ME : NO I THOUGHT THAT WAS FOR LIKE GARAGE SALES AND ADULT DIAPERS THEM : NO IT IS FOR LITERALLY ANYTHING YOU CAN POSSIBLY IMAGINE, IT CAN MAKE ALL OF YOUR WILDEST DREAMS COME TRUE ME : WOW BUT HERE'S THE THING-- NOT ONLY DO I WANT PICTURES OF ME AND MY HORSES, I WANT  OPTIONS THEM : LISTEN I'M NOT SAYING YOU'RE GOING TO FIND THE PERFECT HORSE PHOTOGRAPHER ON NEXTDOOR, ALL I'M SAYING IS GIVE IT A TRY ME : THIS IS THE GREATEST DAY OF MY LIFE, NOW IF I COULD ONLY FIND MY FRIEND CORNLIUS A HANYMAN CORNELIUS NEEDS A HANYMAN CORNELIUS WALKED THROUGH THE SCREEN DOOR BY ACCIDENT WHILE CHASING A FLY OUT OF THE HOUSE AND NOW HE NEEDS A NEW HANY FOR IT BUT HE'S NOT GOOD AT INSTALLING A HANY WHICH IS WHY CORNELIUS NEEDS A HANYMAN I HAVE A CRAZY IDEA DID YOU CONSIDER CALLING AMIGOS INSTEAD OF ASKING RANDOM STRANGERS ON THE INTERNET ALSO I...

GET YOUR BEACH BODY BY BODY BY BADGE BROUGHT TO YOU BY ... ED TEXT THREAD: "YOU'RE INVITED TO MY BBQ AND IT'S BYOB" "COOL BUT FIRST I GOTTA BBBBBB" "WOW WHAT IS THAT" "BEACH BODY BY BODY BY BADGE" "SOUNDS DOPE CAN I TRY" "I DON'T KNOW ARE YOU A BB" "WHAT'S THAT" "BRAVE BOY" "YES" "OK LET'S DO THIS SO WE CAN BYOBB" "WHAT'S THE EXTRA 'B' FOR" "THAT'S A TYPO" OK I GUESS HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY DO YOUR DOGS PISS ON THE CARPETS WE'RE RUNNING A MOTHER'S DAY SPECIAL ON OUR STATE-OF-THE-ART PET PISS DETECTOR 3000, PERFECT FOR THAT SPECIAL MOM WHO HATES DOG PISS HOLD UP THO PHONE CALL RICH : HELLO IS THIS BILL EARLE : ACTUALLY IT'S EARLE, BILL IS MY NEXTDOOR PSEUDONYM, IS THIS RICH RICH : YES, WHY ARE YOU WHISPERING EARLE : NO REASON, LISTEN TELL ME MORE ABOUT THE PI...

LOT TO TAKE IN HERE SO LET'S BREAK THIS BABY DOWN We built a raised garden bed and had cleared the ground in front of it with anticipation of putting a nice edger around the garden with river rock. CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR RAISED GARDEN BED ASSUMING THOSE PLANS WORKED OUT FINE The weather this week killed me and I am running out of time to finish it because I travel a lot for work and took off this week. YOU TOOK OFF WORK TO FINISH YOUR GARDEN? WHY ARE YOU RUNNING OUT OF TIME IS THIS LIKE THE MOVIE SPEED WHERE IF YOU DON'T FINISH YOUR GARDEN IN 55 HOURS A BUS FULL OF PEOPLE WILL EXPLODE "BOSS I'D LIKE TO TALK ABOUT MY TRAVEL SCHEDULE ... YES IT'S ABOUT THE GARDEN AGAIN ... LISTEN I JUST NEVER HAD A GARDEN GROWING UP AND THIS MEANS A LOT TO ME" Anyone handy, in the gardening space? TO BE CLEAR YOU'RE *NOT* ASKING IF ANYONE IS HANDY WHEN IT COMES TO ATTIC INSULATION? Need help getting the supplies from the home ore as well. I DON...

WHO DO YOU THINK YOU'RE TALKING TO AS IF I HAVEN'T PORED OVER DONKEY KONG COUNTRY: TROPICAL FREEZE TO FULLY APPRECIATE ITS MAGNIFICENT DETAILS I MEAN C'MON BUSINESS INSIDER READERS FRUSTRATED ABOUT HEADLINES ARE HAVING BAD GRAMMAR BOOM ROASTED, BUSINESS INSIDER THIS PHOTO ACTUALLY MAKES ME WANT TO DRINK A GALLON OF GASOLINE WTF BEEN TRYIN' TO READ THE TEA LEAVES ON THE CHICKEN WING MARKET BEFORE MAKING MY SUMMER PLANS SO THIS IS WELCOME NEWS NOW I CAN GO ALL OUT ON OTHER SUMMER ESSENTIALS SUCH AS RAVIOLI AND BAND AIDS I HAVE NO IDEA THIS IS LIKE A FREAKY FRIDAY WHERE THE HEADLINES ARE ASKING ME THE QUESTIONS AND I DON'T LIKE IT I DIDN'T COME HERE TO THINK THIS HEADLINE IS MISSING LIKE EIGHT WORDS OR IS IT A TYPO "WASH" DID THEY WASH HIM THAT WOULD BE WEIRD BUT IT KINDA MAKES MORE SENSE THAN WHATEVER THIS IS A PENIS? AGAIN, CAME HERE FOR ANSWERS AND AM LEAVING WITH MORE QUESTIONS ...

FOUND A DOPE NEW FACEBOOK PAGE CALLED HAPPY GRANDMA *HOW* DOPE YOU ASK BOUT TO HIT YOU OFF WITH THE REALNESS THIS TYPE OF BITING COMMENTARY IS TIMELESS BUT USING A MINION ADDS A CONTEMPORARY FLAVOR THAT SPEAKS TO THE MODERN HOUSEWIFE IF ANYONE SHOULD BE MAKING MAN VS. WOMAN OBSERVATIONS IN 2018 IT'S A SITE CALLED HAPPY GRANDMA YOU KNOW WHAT, I SHOULDN'T EVEN BE WASTING TIME CRITICIZING THIS ON MY DAY OFF HATE TO BE THE BEARER OF BAD NEWS BUT NOT *EVERYONE* IN HAPPY GRANDMA CLUB CAN HAVE THE BEST GRANDKIDS "BEARER" WAS A PUN BECAUSE THIS MEME FEATURES A BEAR WITH A RABBIT ON ITS BACK AND ALSO A BEAR AND A RABBIT RIDING A UNICYCLE WHICH-- SURE WHY NOT THE FIRST RULE OF HAPPY GRANDMA CLUB IS "THROW A BEAR AND A RABBIT RIDING A UNICYCLE ON THERE" DOES THIS FLOPPY-HAIRED RED SOX FAN KNOW HE'S BEING USED TO ADVANCE THE GRANDMA AGENDA I'M IMAGINING THE THINGS THIS KID PROBABLY SAYS ON THE REGS AND THIS IS DEF NOT ONE ...

THIS POSTER IS IN OUR CONFERENCE ROOM WHAT DOES IT MEAN HOW DOES THIS STORY END DOES IT CONTINUE ON THE BACK BECAUSE OF THE ELLIPSES I MEAN DOUBLE ELLIPSES DOUBLE ELLIPSES MEAN THAT *A LOT* OF INFORMATION IS ON THE WAY OR IN THIS CASE NONE AM I A LEADER OR A FOLLOWER AND WHICH IS BETTER WHEN I'M DRIVING A RACECAR HOLD UP THE RACECARS ARE A METAPHOR ? BECAUSE I AM ALSO A RACECAR DRIVER AND THIS POSTER IS IN OUR RACECAR PLACE CONFERENCE ROOM IT'S CALLED "RACECAR PLACE CONFERENCE ROOM A" "RACECAR PLACE CONFERENCE ROOM B" IS ON THE SECOND FLOOR AND IT HAS A POSTER OF A CARTOON RAT THAT READS "RATS..................IT'S MONDAY" LOL ANYWHERE WHERE WAS I OH YEAH AM I A LEADER OR A FOLLOWER PRETTY SURE I'M A FOLLOWER THAT'S ME IN THE ORANGE RACECAR OF LIFE IS THAT BAD I WON'T WIN THE RACE BUT I WON'T GET BLAMED FOR ANYTHING EITHER I'M ALL ABOUT PLAYING IT SAFE HERE AT RACECAR PLACE HEA...

HATE TO NITPICK BUT PRETTY SURE IT'S NORTH C H AROLINE OK SURE "SCIENTISTS" "OH WHAT DO I FOR A LIVING, WELL I'M A ROSEMARY SCIENTIST CURRENTLY CONDUCTING A COMPREHENSIVE RESEARCH STUDY, HOPING TO PUBLISH MY RESULTS IN A MEME IN TWO TO THREE YEARS" I DID NOT SHARE THIS BECAUSE IF MY MEMORY IS 75 PERCENT BETTER THAN ALL YA'LLS I WILL HAVE A SIZABLE ADVANTAGE WHEN THE ALIENS TAKE OVER (BTW I AM NOT MAKING THE "ROSEMARY IS A WOMAN" JOKE BUT NOT BECAUSE I DON'T THINK IT'S KIND OF FUNNY) ((TRIPLE NEGATIVE, SON)) EXCLAMATION POINT! TONE: NAILED IT AGAIN, HATE TO NITPICK BUT THIS IS FILED UNDER "TV" INSTEAD OF "RAPE" WHAT THIS DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE BECAUSE ICE-T'S CHARACTER AARON GRIFFIN WAS TOTALLY LOCKABLE IN 'GEARS OF WAR 3' HONESTLY EVERYTHING AFTER 'GEARS OF WAR 2' JUST DOESN'T DO IT FOR ME I MEAN, I'LL PLAY IT BUT IT'S NOT THE S...