Author
A few things first: He lies. "I'm not a pedophile" is like saying "I'm not a pathological liar." Either you are, and lie about it, or you aren't, and tell the truth. Also, Snuff in the title isn't the primary focus of the story, more of a side-effect. It's Extreme though, so just fair warning. Some of the girls most likely won't survive this. (Statistically, 1:3 abducted children are killed in the first Hour, and their odds of survival drop exponentially from there...) It's mostly about the excuses people make when they're in denial, and afraid of what people may think, even in their private confessions.
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Anon
I'm not proud of some of the things I've done. Particularly children, I'm not a pedophile, but sometimes I can't help myself. I don't know why, it's weird like, it's not even me, doing these things. I'm watching my hands, and crying in my head to stop, but I don't. I know it's wrong, but something takes over, and the way I know I'm not is that I didn't even get it up. I'm not here to make excuses, but I better start at the beginning.
I had to be about 10, when I discovered masturbation. I don't know, it was summer, so I don't remember what grade I was in, because I was in between grades, but I had no one to hang out with, so I called my friend. His folks were away at work, so he had to watch his little sister. So, I went over there until they got back, but needless to say little Debby was my first. She was 5, out of diapers, and seemed completely oblivious about her panties.
I knew that, just like their parents both worked. So, when I called, I pretty much expected he'd have to babysit her again. Which ment I knew he'd be home, always was on weekdays, and none of the boys wanted to hang out with him, because he couldn't go out. He didn't like her very much, probably because she ruined his summers, but he kind of let her play Legos with us. He had a big bin of them, you could make anything, which is the best thing about them.
If you have a hot-wheels car, then you can play cars with it. That's all it's good for, but with Legos you can make a car, a space ship, even a track for your hot wheels to race on. So, Debby came in, and sat down, this time in a skirt. You know, little kids, well girls anyways sometimes wear skirts, or dresses, and sometimes wear shorts or pants. We did this like every day, but when she wore a skirt, and sat on the floor with her legs up in front of her, of course I got to see up her skirt. Her brother fought with her a lot over the "Good" pieces, good meaning whatever he needed for whatever he was making, but she didn't really care. She didn't cry when he took away the robot arms, she just kinda stuck them together, and pulled them apart, or had me pull them apart when they were stuck together good, because her brother was busy making robot dogs, or whatever.
I lay down on the floor, and kind of had to hide my boner, because she turned sideways, and that pulled her panties aside. Just a little, I didn't get to see everything, but just a tantalizing glimpse at her pink skin in the side of the leg hole, and I got a hardon. I kind of made an excuse to wiggle around, so it wasn't pointed straight down, and poking right into the floor, just reach over, and grab a brick. "This one," or whatever, but I kept sneaking looks up her skirt, and waiting for her to turn, perfectly so I could see more. And yeah, I knew it was wrong. She was half my age, and 5. She didn't even care that she had underwear on, but then her brother didn't even care that she was there, as long as she didn't have the blocks he wanted, so he didn't notice me looking at her crotch, or what little I got to see of it.
He was lucky to have a little sister, mine is a couple years older, so of course she watched me when mom, and dad were out, and made me play girl games. I didn't mind, house, and dolls, and stuff. She just didn't want to play boy games, and she was left in charge, so I had to wait until I was old enough to go out, and find friends to play with. I'd seen her naked, and peeing. She played those games, like Doctor, and Potty Time, she was on hand when I potty trained, but too young to really help with changing me. Regardless, she just played games like that once. Probably just curious, I guess that's where those games came from. Kids are curious about the difference between boys and girls, so they make a game out of it, then she never did it again. So anyway, it's not like I never seen one before, but I was young, and horny.
Her brother got mad, for whatever reason, and stormed off. I don't know, some childish bullshit, but that left me alone with her crying, and instead of making her feel better, I used the chance to molest her. Again, I knew what I was doing, but I couldn't stop. Even her crying didn't stop, and my boner didn't go away. Hugging her in my lap, and feeling her butt. Her legs, and I can't even describe how soft, and smooth her skin felt. He was mad a long long time, and despite the fact that he could come back any time, I didn't even consider the risk of getting caught.
It was stupid of me to get it out. My penis, an impressive couple of inches at the time, but she was 5. Even an inch is too much for a 5 year old, I knew that, but I still pulled up her skirt, and touched her. Through her underpants, then inside them. God, it was even softer, and smoother, and warmer than I ever imagined, and she wouldn't stop crying. Softly, she wasn't bawling any more, but I wasn't even trying to comfort her any more. I was trying to get her underwear off. Then, I remembered how the crotch pulled out a little, when she turned on her butt, so I pulled that out of the way, and stuck my penis in there.
I didn't get it inside her, not for lack of trying. I had no idea where to go, and besides I barely felt her young little privates against the head of it before I got off, and it was the most amazing orgasm I got so far. Just knowing it wasn't my hand, and I was this close to sex, only I didn't know about rape. I hadn't even heard the word for it, I knew It was bad, but at the time, so was sex. We weren't married, we weren't even play married, like my sister did when she wanted to play house. Not all the time, but sometimes she married me, so I could be the dad, and she could be the mom, because moms, and dads are married.
We never played Honeymoon, because we didn't know about that. Mom and dad slept together, but "Slept together" was a euphemism for sex, and I honestly had no idea how to go about it. Just what little I had learned from Soap Operas, and such. Men and women slept together on that, usually cheated on eachother for drama later, and mom rushed me out, because they're doing some sex scene or other, but you know daytime TV. They're always under the covers, or if you're lucky you got to see her in her bra for 1 second after she dropped the blanket, and put a robe on. That sort of thing, but anyway, I somehow figured out that it had something to do with the penis between her legs, and I got off on it.
Her brother came right back, and that was a tense moment. Because I had my fly open, and my penis out, not to mention I had just had it in the leg of her underwear, twitching against her soft smooth girly flesh. Thank god he didn't see it, when he said he was sorry, and picked her up, and hugged her so she'd stop crying. I just got incredibly lucky he didn't see my pants open, he was too busty with his sister, but I managed to turn around, and get up while they were distracted. I just went out in the hall to put everything back, and zip up my pants, but that was just the first time. I molested her, and thought I had sex. Came this close to raping her, and would have if I wasn't so ignorant and inept, but I eventually did.
I'm not making excuses, even though I didn't know what rape was, I wasn't even supposed to look at her underwear. Up her skirts, much less touch them, put my fingers in there.
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So then, I started looking for any excuse to get her alone, so her brother didn't catch me molesting her, and thought about all the tricks I could play on him, to leave me alone with her. Beating off, thinking about it, still shooting blanks, but since I got off barely brushing the tip in her underwear, I started licking my palm to rub it around, and around, or slip it back and forth through my fingers. Thinking it was her pussy lips of course, but the problem is I'm supposed to go over there to play with him. My best friend, even though I was already going over there to molest Debby instead of play with him.
I didn't love her, I didn't even think about kissing her, much less getting married when we grew up. Just tricks to get a chance to molest her, and I even thought about Molesting her. That was the word I thought of, and it even turned me on, thinking that word brought to mind the acts, and reminded me of her soft smooth privates. Then, I thought about "Sleeping with her." That gave me an idea, because her brother sometimes took naps in the afternoon. So, the next day I went over there, it was nice out so we played in the yard, and I wore him out. Sword fighting with stick, running around, and all the kinds of strenuous games I could think of to make him tired.
Debby mostly just watched, but also ran around chasing us, in shorts. I remember she had shorts on that day, because I had to take them off. Finally, he yawned, which made me yawn, so I suggested we go in for a nap. Debby even said "Naptime!" Way too excited to settle down to sleep, but her brother got me a pillow for the couch, and yawned, then went to bed in his room. Debby wasn't sleepy, and got up, but I caught her in the hall before she knocked on her brother's door, and woke her up. Took her by the hand, and she followed me into the living room. Where i could keep an eye on the clock, and also listed for their parents driving up, but we had a few hours before I had to worry about that.
Still, they could come home any time, and grab something they needed at work, or her brother could wake up, and see us on the couch before I saw him open his door down the hall. I'm amazed how much I actually got away with before I got caught, but I had thought about it for weeks, so I knew exactly what I wanted to do next. I wanted to see her naked, and show her my penis, to see what she thought about it. I didn't make a game out of it, I was already so hard just thinking about it, and excited that I finally got the chance. So, I got it out right away, and she saw it.
She didn't know what it was, we didn't talk much, but it was a new thing she never saw before, so I asked to see her's. She said "I don't got one." So, I asked her what she did have, as if I didn't know, and that's basically how I talked her into pulling down her shorts. She didn't even have a word for it, her privates, she just "Let me see." She needed help, unbuttoning her shorts with her short fat stubby little fingers, but she also saw me playing with it. So, she started playing with it, in both hands just like she saw me. Holding it up in one, so she could rub the end around and round in her soft little palm, which drove me nuts. It felt even better than mine, dry, but rough, and smooth at the same time? I din't know, it's weird, and hard to describe, all I can say is it felt incredible, so it didn't take very long, and I barely even pulled her underwear down before I got off.
The best one yet, even better than sticking it in her underwear, and she thought I was crying. She said "Oh, don't cry," and hugged me until it stopped. With her shorts and underwear down, so I pretended to cry, and felt her butt. Even though I already got off, there's no telling how long I had before my chance was over, so I kept molesting her, with my pants open just in case I got hard again. I didn't that day, but first I felt up between her legs from behind, because that's where my hand was. She giggled, "That Tickles!" Real loud in my ear, so I said "Sh, you'll wake up your brother."
So, she covered her mouth, and giggled, while I tickled her legs, her tummy, she still had a big round baby gut, it's not fat like fat. Her fat little arms and legs, and the soft puff between them, but I stopped for fear that her giggles would get me caught. Then, I just kept feeling her legs, especially. I liked it the best, with her on my lap, and with her shorts kicked off, I could really feel back, and forth. And touch her pussy in the middle, but I didn't want to cover it up, so I could see it better. She hugged me, and sighed, and slowly fell asleep in my lap like that. She liked it, and she even got hot, but with her asleep, I decided to explore between her legs real good. Layed down, diaper change style, so I could spread her wide open, and really get a good look.
She sucked her thumb, which later gave me ideas, but I fixed up my pants, and got on my knees next to the couch. So, my back was to the hall, but I heard him when he woke up. Again, I was so lucky, he just came out, and went right to the bathroom, while I rushed to get her shorts back on. So, by the time he flushed the toilet, and washed his hands, I got up on the couch, and closed my eyes, as if we're sleeping the whole time, but I forgot her underwear. I put it in my pocket, and even thought about keeping them to jerk off to later, but then he woke me up. Gently, so Debby would stay asleep, while we played quietly in his room.
I forget what, because honestly I didn't even pay attention, I mostly thought about what I did to her, and I found another hole in there. I didn't know, that girls had another hole in there, much less where babies come from. I was the youngest, so mommy didn't go through pregnancy, and I'd seen pregnant women, I just had no idea what that ment. I'd heard of virginity too, but I thought she wasn't one any more, because I mistook sticking my penis in her underwear that first time for sex. I knew we didn't literally sleep together. I pretended to sleep with her, because I knew that was a euphemism for sex. I also knew it was wrong, I was molesting her, but I stopped feeling guilty weeks ago, and just focused on not getting caught.
Then went ahead, and ignored avoiding all the ways I could think of getting caught, once I had her alone, and half naked on the couch, which just left dumb luck. Fortunately, her brother didn't pay attention, because he didn't care about her, and was just happy to have a friend that came over to play with him. If anything, he complained about not being able to go out to play, because she's too little to go out, and play, so he blamed her for ruining his summer. So then, after dinner I went home, and thought about that.
He's not Supposed to take her out, outside the house, but we don't always do what we're supposed to do. He's supposed to take care of his sister, not ignore her. Oblivious of his best friend molesting her, twice, and also sometimes we told dirty jokes, whenever we heard a new one. Really basic childish ones, basically a reason to say "Fart," so that was the punchline: "I farted." Tee he. I know that he didn't have any sexuality, for years, it wasn't even on his radar, but that was no excuse. He should have known better, and done a better job actually watching his sister, instead of leaving her alone with a boy.
He knows what boys do when we get alone with a little girl. He was in the same class with me, when the police cam by with McGruff the Crime Dog, and told us about child molesters, but I guess he didn't learn his lesson like I did. Pretty stupid of him, really, but I had fun rubbing off in her panties for a couple weeks while I thought of what to tell him. I didn't molest her every day, even though I was over there every day, even on the weekends so his parents took us all out together. They even called us "Boys," or "The boys," like I was part of the family now. It was almost like having a brother to play with, and a little sister to molest when nobody was looking.
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Author
That MSI song is basically what was stuck in my head when I woke up. So, I played it, and you know I take my inspiration wherever I can find it: