The Really Loud House

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The Really Loud House is an American workplace comedy comedy-drama single-camera teen family musical pop rock drama comedy situation comedy sitcom television series of live-action spin-off series based on the animated series.

Lincoln: [wakes up] Today is a big day. Today is the day Lincoln Loud becomes a man. [gets out of bed] And I am super pumped! [cut to him in the bathroom, brushing his hair] I've always been known as the Man with the Plan, but tonight, I'm gonna take it up a notch. My best friend Clyde and I will be watching the Rip Hardcore Midnight Marathon and getting our official Macho Man badges.

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[The Louds kids gather in the living room for a family meeting while talking over each other]

Lynn Sr.: Order! Order! OPEN, OPEN, OPEN!!

Rita: Zip it, people! [the kids quiet down] Your father said order.

Lynn Sr.: That I did. Now. [clears throat] As some of you may have heard…

Siblings except Lily: [deadpan] We know. Tomorrow's your half-birthday.

Lily: [joining in] Day!

Lynn Sr.: Tomorrow is my half-birthday, but that's not what this meeting's about. But feel free to mark it on your calendars. [chuckles] Moving on. Lucy…

Lucy: [as her siblings look at her] What?

Lynn Sr.: …has been up for three days straight, and last night she scared the bejeezus out of me. So, there's gonna be a new rule around here.

Lincoln: [to the viewers] Probably gonna be no more sneaking up on people.

Lucy: [slides next to him and jumpscares him] You think so?

Lincoln: You really should start wearing a bell.

Lynn Sr.: And the new rule is… Everyone goes to bed before midnight, not one minute later.

Lincoln: NOOOO! This isn't fair! It's Lucy's fault! Why should we have to suffer?! [he and all his sisters start protesting]

Lynn Sr.: Order! Order! Don't make me have to count! Here we go! One, two--

Rita: [holds up her fist, silencing the siblings] You did it, honey.

Lynn Sr.: Sorry I had to be so harsh with them. In this house, it's all for one and one for all.

Rita: And Lucy's not the first kid to make a mistake.

Lynn Sr.: Yeah, Mom's right. You've all been responsible for new rules around here.

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[Lincoln gathers his sisters in Lisa and Lily's room]

Lincoln: Ok, so here's the plan. Tonight at midnight, you guys will take Dad out to Jean Juan's French Mex for a half-birthday celebration. I will stay here and watch the Rip Hardcore Midnight Marathon and get my Macho Man Badge.

Lori: Look, Lincoln, I'm only home from college for two days, and we all have a lot of stuff to do. So if you want us to help you, you're gonna have to help us with our stuff.

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Lisa: I'm entering Todd in a robotics competition, and it seems another contestant also has a robot named Todd.

Lincoln: Why can't he change his robot name?

Lisa: [sighs] His Todd was named after his recently-deceased grandfather. Some guys have all the luck.

Lincoln: So you need me to come up with a new name for Robot Todd?

Lisa: Precisely.

Lincoln: How about Beau?

Lisa: No.

Lincoln: Jamie?

Lisa: Lamey. This is a list of names that I don't like. [shows a massive board filled with X'ed out names, then flips it over to show the other side is also full of X'ed out names]

Todd: We've been here for hours.

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[Nighttime at Jean Juan's French Mex Buffet; The Louds, and Todd, disguised as Lincoln, are all assembled for Lynn Sr.'s half-birthday]

Lynn Sr.: I am having such a good time. [chuckles] Lynn, how's that beef baguette in a bread bowl?

Lynn: Great! Perfect pre-game meal for my hockey championship tomorrow. Carbo load! [keeps eating]

Rita: You still need to chew carbs, sweetie.

Lynn: [mouth full] I do?

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Todd: It seems there really is no stronger bond than family.

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[Daytime at Royal Woods Middle School…]

Lincoln: Ok, people. We're not leaving here until we've come up with some hot stories. Let's go, the news doesn't make itself.

Clyde: Actually, it does.

Lincoln: Helping or hurting, Clyde, helping or hurting? I'm sorry. I'm a little on edge this morning.

Rusty: [leaning in close to Zach and Liam] He's got a butt pimple that's been revealing barking at him.

[Zach and Liam both wince in disgust]

Lincoln: I wanted to keep that between us, Rusty. I guess I should have been more clear when I said, "Let's keep that between us." Now, does anyone have a news story? [Stella raises up her hand] Stella.

Stella: Are butt pimples contagious?

Zach: I have absolute proof that the school nurse might be an alien.

Liam: I don't know what's wrong with that melon story I pitched. Thing's grown to darn near the size of a baby head.

Clyde: What's the hook? Why are we watching?

Liam: Because, it's grown to darn near the size of a baby head. You put a live feed on that and the audience will be happier than a kitten chasing a leaky cow.

Lincoln: So we got nothing.

Liam: Is that nothing with the melon, or nothing without the melon?

Rusty: Thank God for "Real Talk with Rusty". Without my show, our ratings would be in the toilet.

Lincoln: [to the viewers] "Real Talk with Rusty" has been the top-rated middle school news show in the tri-state area for seven months running.

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Lynn Sr.: [inspecting Leni's sunburned arm] What did I tell you about sunbathing on the roof?

Leni: Don't fall off.

Lynn Sr.: Just pour some of this on it.

Leni: Ranch dressing?

Lynn Sr.: Uh-uh. Cool ranch.

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Luan: Our brother has a butt pimple.

Luna: It's the only thing standing between him and what might be true love.

Leni: A butt pimple!

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Lincoln: You wouldn't think my sisters and I would be so excited about parent-teacher conferences. But every year, Dad promises that if more than half of us get a positive review, he'll treat us to the biggest dessert in Royal Woods: Auntie Pam's Banana Split in a Canoe!

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Lincoln: I hate to throw my parents under the bus, but we're talking about a canoe full of ice cream. Come on.

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Lincoln: [coming out of the front door; stiffly] If you're a Royal Woods middle schooler, today is the biggest day of the year, the annual Kangaroo Hop, the Super Bowl of middle school dances.

Liam: Cut! You're all stiff, like a baby calf in a blizzard.

Lincoln: Sorry, Liam.

Liam: Haven't you ever talked to a camera before?

Lincoln: [to the viewers] Liam is really excited about getting to shoot his first solo Action News piece, a documentary about the Kangaroo Hop.

Liam: You know what? I'm gonna scrap the opening for now and get some B-roll of the decorations committee.

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Lincoln: Order! Order! Order!

Lynn Sr.: Is he allowed to call family meetings now?

Rita: This better be important. [sighs as Lily suddenly starts bawling off-screen] Lily's on a sleep strike. We only slept 28 minutes last night. Oh, we should do the stroller trick.

Lynn Sr.: Mm-hm.

Lincoln: I've called this family meeting to address the constant infringement on my personal space, A.K.A. my bedroom. Which isn't very big to begin with.

Lana: Your room's not that small.

Lincoln: Lana, I have to step outside to change my mind.

Lynn Sr.: [chuckles] You know, I should tell more jokes in my family meetings. [Rita gives him a stern look] I'll get the stroller.

Luna: Lincoln, you're the only one without a roommate.

Clyde: I beg to differ. I'm here quite often, and this morning, my cubby had an engine block in it.

Lana: That's a carburetor, dude.

Clyde: Great. That's much more normal.

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Lana: You guys didn't let us into your club.

Lisa: Well, Leni and Luna didn't let us into their club.

Luna: Well, Clyde and Lincoln didn't let us into their club.

Clyde: Hey, we had a very good reason for that. Lincoln, what was the reason?

Lincoln: I don't know. But I'm getting some of those chicken wings.

Lynn: You cross that line, you're gonna get decked by one of those wings.

Lincoln: You wouldn't.

Lana: [throws a chicken wing at Lincoln as he crosses the line] No, but I would. Oh, and by the way… [eats one] They're delicious.

Lincoln: Well, then maybe you should try them with some… [grabs some tortilla chips and dips them in guacamole and sauce] Nachos. [throws them at Lana]

[Clyde laughs at her as she wipes the nachos off herself]

Lynn: Oh, is that funny, Clyde? Because the potato skins… are hilarious! [throws some potato skins at him]

[Leni throws a meatball in Luna's left eye]

Luna: Leni… why'd you do that?

Leni: I don't know. Seemed fun.

Lisa: [grabs another meatball and throws it at Leni's dress] It is fun.

Clyde: Nothing's more fun than guacamole! [grabs a fistful of guacamole and throws it at Lynn]

Lucy: [as Lynn throws some stuffing at her in retaliation] That was a mistake.

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Rita: [as the twins pour themselves some cereal with plates of broccoli behind them] Uh-uh. You're not eating another thing until you finish this broccoli.

Lola: Broccoli's gross.

Lana: And cold.

Rita: Well, it was warm when I served it to you last night.

Lana: But we don't wanna waste all this delicious cereal when there's so many hungry people in the world.

Rita: Well, Lisa and Mr. Nibbles can eat it. [takes the cereal bowls away as the twins groan]

Lincoln: Mr. Nibbles loves his cereal.

Lisa: Mr. Nibbles won't be receiving any tasty rewards until he successfully completes this week's mouse maze.

Luan: [enters the kitchen] If he did complete it, it would be "a-maze-ing." [laughs; no response] "A-maze-ing?" Because the mouse goes through the maze?

Rita: I love you, sweetheart.

Luan: That joke would've been funny if Mr. Coconuts was here. Has anyone seen him? He's been lost for three days.

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Lincoln: [terrified as he and Clyde are being watched by Boris in a cloak and holding a scythe] Clyde, I think we've bored ourselves to death.

[Haiku and Dante appear next to Boris]

Boris: Where is the entrance to the underworld? [Lincoln and Clyde slowly look at each other in confusion] The basement?

Lucy: [appearing near the basement] Welcome, fellow Morticians' Club members. Darkness and snacks await you. [escorts her mortician friends down to the basement] This meeting will commence by acknowledging those members who are sadly not with us. Bertrand and Morpheus are at their callback for "Guys and Dolls"-- congrats to them both-- and Persephone is at Kumon.

Dante: [raises his hand] Is today show-and-tell?

Lucy: Dante, for the last time, it's not called show-and-tell. It's called share-and-scare.

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Lori: Bobby? Can we focus on our date, please?

Bobby: Oh, sorry. I-I feel like I've done this all before.

Lori: You literally have.

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Principal Ramirez: [over PA] Will Clyde McBride please report to the principal's office?

Students: Ooh!

Mr. Bolhofner: Ooh!

[Clyde arrives at Principal Ramirez's office and is shocked to see his dads there]

Harold: Young man, you have got some explaining to do.

Howard: You can start by explaining why… you are so fabulous!

Principal Ramirez: Congratulations! You made it into the BETR program!

Clyde: [stunned] Really?!

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Principal Ramirez: [over PA] Will Lincoln Loud please report to the principal's office? Lincoln Loud to the principal's office.

Lincoln: That's the call! It's been real. It's been fun. But it hasn't been real fun. As the French say, hasta luego! [exits the classroom and heads to Principal Ramirez's office, while walking backwards]

Rusty: I didn't know Lincoln spoke French.

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[Lynn Sr. and the Loud sisters are preparing a Mother's Day breakfast in the kitchen for Rita with Lincoln and Clyde filming the whole thing]

Clyde: And we're rolling.

Lincoln: This is gonna be the greatest Mother's Day ever.

Lynn Sr.: And now for the star of the show: Mom's favorite breakfast fajitas. [carefully removes the fajitas from the oven] Sorry, dads everywhere. Here we go. This was a great idea, Lynn.

Lana: This was my idea.

Lynn: You said Mexican food. I had the idea for the smokin' fajitas.

Lucy: I had the idea to burn the toast.

Leni: Okay, well, it was my idea to use the plate.

Lynn Sr.: [stopping the arguing] Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! It is Mother's Day. I get half the credit, and you divide the rest by 11.

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[Lynn Sr. holds a meeting in Lisa and Lily's room after the breakfast fajitas accidentally spilled on Rita's legs]

Lynn Sr.: That is not the face of a Happy Mother's Day.

Lisa: That definitely stung.

Lynn Sr.: Now while I bear a quarter of the blame, the rest is yours divided by eleven.

Loud Kids: What?!

Lana: I mean, it was Lynn's idea to do the fajitas.

Lynn: Yeah, because you said Mexican food.

Lana: That was after the fact that you said…

[Everyone starts arguing]

Lynn Sr.: Okay, okay, alright, alright, alright! Let's not play the blame game! We all had a hand in this.

Lincoln: Not me and Clyde. We didn't mess up.

Clyde: Yeah.

Lincoln: We just captured it on film.

Clyde: With excellent framing and crisp sound.

Lynn Sr.: Look, the point is, the greatest mom ever deserves the greatest Mother's Day ever.

Lana: She's the best.

Lynn: Yeah, you're right, Pops.

Lynn Sr.: And now that her burns are healed, it's the perfect time for a redo. So you guys get busy with some fresh ideas, and I'm gonna go give Mom the good news.

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Lori: [referring to Rita] She is literally the most patient person I know.

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Lincoln: After a month of planning, I'm finally heading to Tennessee to give the girl I love the surprise of her life. And there she is right now.

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[The sisters appear to see the kitchen burned in flames and put by Lincoln, believing he burned it down]

Lola: Lincoln burned down the house!

Lincoln: I didn't burn down the house! It's just the kitchen.

Lana: Lincoln burned down the kitchen!

Lincoln: I didn't burn down the kitchen! I saved the kitchen!

Luan: After you burned it down!

Lucy: You burned down the kitchen, and you didn't invite me. I thought we were family.

Lincoln: I didn't burn down the kitchen!

Lynn: You're in deep trouble, dude.

Leni: Maybe Mom and Dad won't notice. [removes her visor, examining the carnage] Oh, boy. You're dead.

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Lincoln: The Loud Family Court has dealt with some of the most controversial, high-profile cases in the history of the Loud House. There was the case of the missing toilet seat... the case of the stolen front door… the case of the flooded basement… I have to beat this rap, and somewhere out there is a brilliant lawyer with the skill and courage to help me do it.

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Lucy: If you're telling the truth, face the Staff of Souls and swear it.

Luan: Fine, I'm guilty!

Lucy: Of what?

Luan: Whatever you want, just make it stop!

Lucy: I rest my case.

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[Lynn Sr. and Rita are fighting over who gets to be the court judge by wrestling over the gavel]

Rita: I'm the judge.

Lynn Sr.: I'm the judge.

Rita: You never let me be the judge.

Lynn Sr.: This is a very, serious job, Rita.

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Lucy: [getting a call from Lori on her phone] Hi, Lori. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Sure. [hangs up] She forgot to turn off her curling iron.

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Lori: I want to go down this road, because you know where it leads?!

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