How did you start dabbling in demonolatry?

this is a long post so i'm gonna tag it with long post but! i hope this makes sense.

but basically, it started off with me encountering a non-named demonic spirit in my practice and at the same time, finding a blog here that's since been deactivated (czortofbaldmountain). through just exploring their blog freely, seeing their posts on my dash - i went from being hugely frightened of the presence of demons to being neutral towards them. it started off with me just wanting to learn more in hopes that i could either banish this demon or educate myself on how to behave around it without pissing it off - but essentially, i gave myself time and space when i needed it, so i was able to digest information that i learned (starting from czort's blog, extending to more blogs, and then extending to texts and non-blog resources).

i was initially very afraid, but over time, i went from frightened, to neutral, to positive regarding how i saw demons. it was all from exposure to other people's practices, and using my curiosity to fuel me to learn. but what made me finally take the step in involving myself with my first demon was with an apology.

because, when i first started witchcraft, i contacted baphomet. to summarise the experience, i became very paranoid of them and thought they weren't interested in being a teacher, and instead were trying to make my life a living hell. i was terrified of baphomet, as a new witch - and what started off as me putting a framed photo of baphomet at the centre of my altar with gems and offerings galore, wanting to learn from them and grow closer to them... ended with me smashing the frame and dumping it in the trash, completely done with them. it was just about the most disrespectful thing you can do, putting a deity's beautiful image alongside rotting smelly garbage and flies.

so, i only started opening myself up to demons when i felt i'd made things right between me and them. i talked to baphomet for a long time one night, trying to gauge how they felt. they were angry, and felt hurt with how i treated them. they'd left me completely alone since i'd dumped their picture frame in the garbage, and my paranoia only grew since - i kept getting more and more afraid of the dark, the evil, the wicked, and it was getting to a breaking point. it was at that point that i started seeking out blogs like czort's, knowing i couldn't keep living in fear of the demonic.

to this day, i'm trying to do right by baphomet. i now see baphomet as just one face of satan and lucifer. i'm always regretful over how i treated them as something disposable and worth as much as garbage. but yes, it was since that initial apology to them, that i felt a calling to lucifer shortly after. lucifer was the first demon i was serious about, and it was a journey going from petrified of demons to now, me contacting them whenever i need support and help with something.

tldr; was very VERY christian in how i saw demons. my first time being open to demons was contacting baphomet, but i quickly chickened out and hugely disrespected them in the process. i became more and more fearful of demons since, but it eventually reached a breaking point and i tried to do some gentle exposure to blogs in order to kinda normalise demon work for me. it worked, and i became more curious about the work generally. since then i apologised to baphomet and started working seriously with demons to help me feel better about them. it worked.