MetaFilter

Deleting comments

I'm really frustrated with MeFi right now. Beyond frustrated.

The mod attitude of 'fair and balanced discussion' has allowed a lot of really nasty stuff to fester. A lot of really vile weapons have been sharpened while the mods look on. A lot of people are getting very good at playing the 'I'm not touching you' game with their transphobia, sexism, classism, etc.

I'm most concerned with the transphobia. (Mostly because I'm a trans woman.) In… [more]
posted to MetaTalk by jiawen at 8:07 PM on March 19, 2014

Deletion for minor issues

I have been trying for more than a week now to compose a MeTa thread about how every thread about trans issues turns into a shitstorm, how some seriously horrible (offensive, noisy, derailing - oh for multi-flag!) comments are allowed to stand while it feels like we trans people are expected to continue educating cis people with infinite cheerful patience, how so many FPPs about trans issues are so horribly constructed (starting with a debate about whether or not we deserve… [more]
posted to MetaTalk by jiawen at 3:29 PM on January 10, 2014

My canned history: In the 90s, we used to write out "transgender, transsexual, transexual, transvestite, crossdresser, genderqueer, genderfuck, etc. etc. etc." Someone hit on using the wildcard star, so they wrote "trans*". This saved so much time, and served so well to not exclude people, that it caught on really fast. Eventually, folks started dropping the *, so it became just "trans". "Trans" started to take on its own specific meaning, but that's a… [more]
posted to MetaTalk by jiawen at 7:53 PM on January 13, 2014

Also, while I think a 101/FAQ/whatever would be very valuable, my greatest wish out of this is for the mods to begin taking a stronger stance along the lines of "we've had this argument before, this horse is flogged, the community has moved on, this thread (/comment/whatever) is not appropriate for Metafilter" with regards to trans discussion.

I (again) really like this is a thing's comment above, with the Israel/Palestine parallel. Is it possible for threads… [more]
posted to MetaTalk by jiawen at 8:21 PM on January 13, 2014

Maybe he was just helpfully providing another example of why so many of us trans people are so tired of the way conversations here tend to go.
posted to MetaTalk by jiawen at 6:09 AM on January 16, 2014

Gotta say, this is not just about TFB. There's a lot more crap going on in trans-related threads than just his trolling. Arguments that imply we trans women aren't women; arguing that trans women are somehow threatening to cis women; arguing from a standpoint of pretending to respect who we say we are, but somehow knowing who we 'really' are; ninety quadrillion arguments against the language we're choosing for ourselves; all that stuff. It feels at times like there really is… [more]
posted to MetaTalk by jiawen at 8:50 PM on January 16, 2014

"It'd be nice to avoid derails. But to actually keep trans people commenting here, it's essential to fix the toxic transmisogyny and transphobia problems."

Preach it, sister.
posted to MetaTalk by jiawen at 4:18 PM on January 17, 2014

Thanks for the education

On behalf of me, You're welcome.

Also, apologies for not being present more in trans-related threads lately. Life has had me ultra-busy, with not much time for posting.
posted to MetaTalk by jiawen at 9:02 PM on October 29, 2013

My "actually..." sense is tingling!

I lurked for a long while, probably starting in 2002 or so. Finally joined in 2005 to crusade for trans rights, as is my wont.
posted to MetaTalk by jiawen at 2:01 PM on October 13, 2013

Mansplain to me why this is ok?

One of my favorite cartoons on the subject. (And my post on the blue about it.)
posted to MetaTalk by jiawen at 3:15 PM on August 23, 2013

I put on my wizard's hat and robe

My FPP about how to find an RPG might come in handy for some of y'all.

chunking express: "This is going to sound ridiculous, but there is a metric ton of D&D happening on Google+."

It does seem that G+ is the state of the art in virtual tabletop/computer moderated RPGs. I wish that Google's "real names" policy weren't so awful, though.
posted to MetaTalk by jiawen at 12:04 PM on August 9, 2013

Callout of all callouts

This is somewhat self-congratulatory, but: I want to thank all the trans folks who've come out on MetaFilter, and who're making our voices heard. It can be hugely daunting to do that, and then so often have to defend your existence five minutes later, but it feels like we're starting to make this a decent place for trans people. We're succeeding.

My outside name would be Several Hipsters Chatting Amicably Around the Fire. Which reminds me, about half these outside names… [more]
posted to MetaTalk by jiawen at 12:13 AM on August 5, 2013

What did we miss?

This post of mine is still on the front page and has only two comments and 10 favorites. Maybe it was just too complete or something? Mostly, it's a mystery to me.
posted to MetaTalk by jiawen at 1:07 PM on July 18, 2013

Not mad, just disappointed

I'm one of the people who first saw "trans*", then moved to "trans". I use "trans" as an inclusive term, and I use it for myself.

Two advantages I've noticed to the asterisk, though: 1) it gets cis people thinking about who that umbrella covers, and 2) when people insist on smashing words together, the asterisk almost preserves that space I find so important: "trans*woman", for example. (For the record, I'm a trans woman, not a 'transwoman'.)
posted to MetaTalk by jiawen at 11:20 AM on July 13, 2013

Basically, what nadawi said. Also, corb, I've mentioned this to you before.
posted to MetaTalk by jiawen at 1:08 PM on July 13, 2013

Thank you, byanyothername.

byanyothername, if you'd like someone to vent to about the events of this month, let me know. Actually, that goes for all the yeoz and all the trans people here: if you need someone to vent about whatever to, or just someone to listen, let me know.
posted to MetaTalk by jiawen at 1:01 PM on June 24, 2013

The Sword of Benny Andajetz

Hard to say, but possibly when Abiezer thanked me for teaching him how to type traditional Chinese characters using Pinyin input in SCIM, in an otherwise kinda weird and unproductive thread, and seemingly long after everyone else had stopped reading.
posted to MetaTalk by jiawen at 12:21 PM on April 14, 2013

Thanks for MetaFiltrest

Automatic shift into kittens and puppies mode two weeks before election day. This needs to happen.
posted to MetaTalk by jiawen at 11:56 PM on March 31, 2013

Surely This

kagredon: "You know, I can think of trans people who have done tons to make my world a better place, but when's the last time a six-year-old did anything for me? Never, that's when."

A six-year old trans kid me an enormous favor once, by growing up to become me.
posted to MetaTalk by jiawen at 3:11 PM on March 1, 2013

And: nadawi, I'm mostly in the same boat as byanyothername with regard to terminology. I'm a trans woman; I don't mind having "trans" before "woman", as long as it's used with the same flexibility that, for example, you can also call me a "nerd girl": nerd girl, just like trans woman, is not some new gender, but a gender plus another descriptor that doesn't really impinge much on my gender.

I was… [more]
posted to MetaTalk by jiawen at 3:25 PM on March 1, 2013

corb: "between transwomen and women"

FYI, corb, that phrasing -- presenting those two terms as contrasting -- makes it sound like trans women aren't women.

Conversations about trans women in spaces usually reserved for cis women can be really hard to have. As you said, if people don't feel free to express their opinions, some of the important conversations can't happen. At the same time, if people are allowed to say what they feel, and… [more]
posted to MetaTalk by jiawen at 3:37 PM on March 1, 2013

nadawi, a big part of me is just interested in the linguistics of it all! It's fascinating getting to be in a part of culture where language is moving so fast and evolving before our eyes. So part of me wants people to harangue people until they get it right, part of me wants to help blaze new trails in the vastness of gender and language, and part of me just wants to sit documenting it all. :)
posted to MetaTalk by jiawen at 3:40 PM on March 1, 2013

did. did did did and did. did.

(note to self: begin campaign for edit window to be twice as long.)
posted to MetaTalk by jiawen at 3:52 PM on March 1, 2013

corb, thank you for your honesty. And I'm glad that, from the way it sounds to me, you're starting to process the reality of what life is like for trans women. It also sounds like you're starting to process your feelings about potential assaulters, and working on distinguishing potential assaulters from people who have penises. And, it sounds, you're working towards greater compassion for trans people. Thank you for all that.

I wish I had a solution to the greater… [more]
posted to MetaTalk by jiawen at 9:38 PM on March 1, 2013

sonika: "If you want to refer to women who were biologically female from birth, the correct term is cisgendered or cis women."

Actually, this is poor phrasing, because it says that trans women are not "biologically female". I am most definitely biologically female -- I'm not a fembot or something. And what about "from birth"? Well, it seems likely that the most important part of me -- my brain -- was female, from birth.… [more]
posted to MetaTalk by jiawen at 9:49 PM on March 1, 2013

sweetkid: "how can you tell if a brain is female?"

There are various proofs for it. This article (PDF) presents the BSTc research, which seems to be the most prominent evidence.

I'm also pretty anti-brain destiny! I wish we trans folks didn't have to prove who we "really" are, as if anyone, cis or trans, is "really" anything. But if that kind of language is required, there's research that seems to back it up.
posted to MetaTalk by jiawen at 10:09 PM on March 1, 2013

nooneyouknow: "The biological definition of female is the sex of an organism, or a part of an organism, which produces non-mobile ova (egg cells)."

There are a gazillion things that all compete to be the biological definition of sex: chromosomes, brain sex, hormones, genitalia, assigned sex at birth, etc. etc. Someone might define "biological sex" from a particular point of view, but a) that isn't necessarily… [more]
posted to MetaTalk by jiawen at 10:30 PM on March 1, 2013

restless_nomad: "What I feel is not productive is telling people that their concerns are not worthy of being addressed because these other people's concerns are more important."

I think the problem here is that, in some ways, cis women's safety and trans women's safety are being construed as a zero-sum game. When that happens, it's really, really hard to avoid the Oppression Olympics of "I'm more oppressed than you!" "No, I'm more oppressed than… [more]
posted to MetaTalk by jiawen at 12:35 PM on March 2, 2013

Hanukkah is early this year and so is the MeFi Mall!

Is it cool to link to the main website for my pen-and-paper RPG that contains a link to the place(s) where you can buy it? (None of the links are brick-and-mortar; I just have a webpage for the game itself, and then links to online stores where you can buy it.)
posted to MetaTalk by jiawen at 9:13 PM on November 15, 2012

Cool. Thanks!
posted to MetaTalk by jiawen at 9:46 PM on November 15, 2012

It Gets Better II: Electric Boogaloo

So there isn't a way to contribute my story if I'm not comfortable being recorded myself?

Two resources local to me: The Minnesota Transgender Health Coalition and the Trans Youth Support Network.
posted to MetaTalk by jiawen at 9:43 PM on November 15, 2012

MetaFilter: It Gets Better

jph, I like your idea of having an Ask thread kind of morph into people telling their stories. Something that allies might be able to do is narrate stories of those of us who, for whatever reason, aren't comfortable being recorded telling our stories.

As another trans person, I share in Handcoding and titus' concerns. For a lot of trans people, it doesn't get better. I think "it can get better", and "we're working to help make it better", are both… [more]
posted to MetaTalk by jiawen at 9:06 PM on September 27, 2012

Bored now

1. Minority group tries to understand their situation, including creating terms to describe their realities.
2. Minority group starts advocating for themselves, including use of terms coined to reflect their realities.
3. Majority group then starts
a) demanding that the minority educate them about how the oppression works and
b) questioning and shouting down the minority who are attempting to educate them
4. Either:
a)… [more]
posted to MetaTalk by jiawen at 1:22 PM on January 23, 2012

nooneyouknow: "Cis and trans are prefixes. English does not put spaces between prefixes and stems. If you view everyone who follows the (current) rules of English as engaging in some kind of transphobic douchbaggery, you are in for a world of unnecessary pain."

Using the term "transwoman" (for example) sets up a category separate from "woman", which is hurtful. Please don't do it.

Also, for your reference:… [more]
posted to MetaTalk by jiawen at 3:34 PM on January 23, 2012

nooneyouknow: "What am I am saying is that, right now (outside of certain progressive circles) the primary use of trans is as a prefix. And people using a prefix as a prefix is understandable and not some attempt to slight transgender people."

Sure. Language changes, and (much as we would like to) we trans folks can't expect cis people to get hep to our lingo right away. Most trans people I know don't take that use ("transwoman", etc.) as a slight,… [more]
posted to MetaTalk by jiawen at 5:53 PM on January 23, 2012

crayz: "And trans people just seem to want to reinforce hoary ideas about
man: Tarzan
woman: Jane

and sometimes Jane wants to be Tarzan, and all anyone is allowed to say is Jane should do that 'whenever she decides'. There were people in the FPP saying they or friends started transitioning and then decided to stop for various reasons. I watched the documentary Southern Comfort which also has people in various stages of transition and with… [more]
posted to MetaTalk by jiawen at 6:09 PM on January 23, 2012

nooneyouknow, you're welcome!

When cis people object in general to the label "cis", part of me wants to say, "Cool, if you understand the utility of the word but object anyway, I'll accept whatever label you'd prefer". And when some specific cis person objects, I'll actually ask them. If I were talking to misha, for example, I'd ask what label she prefers and then stick to that.

However, as Help, I can't stop talking! pointed… [more]
posted to MetaTalk by jiawen at 10:26 AM on January 24, 2012

If only we could get all the people who dislike the way "cis" sounds to instead spend their energies stopping the use of "grow" as a causative verb for things other than plants... or "leverage" and "utilize" when "use" would work perfectly well...

Well, a girl can dream.
posted to MetaTalk by jiawen at 2:19 PM on January 24, 2012

crayz: "If you want to come up with new words to describe new ways in which people aren't like you, fine. But count me out"

Please understand that what you're saying -- or at least what I think you're saying -- is tantamount to asking minorities to not talk about their own issues. If, for example, we trans people can't discuss the ways in which we relate with cis people (because, in that scenario, words like "cis" are verboten), then a majority of the… [more]
posted to MetaTalk by jiawen at 4:57 PM on January 24, 2012

running order squabble fest: "It feels weird that people keep popping up with their linguistics-minor reasons why 'cis' just isn't a nice sound, when the stakes (in terms of trans people being able to construct a functional critical vocabulary) are kind of higher than that."

What keeps getting me about it is this: the implicit idea that we need a popular vote on whether or not us folks in the trans minority -- a tiny minority -- get to use… [more]
posted to MetaTalk by jiawen at 8:00 PM on January 29, 2012

MetaFilter user page gender responses

KathrynT: "Anyone got a fun hip way to say 'Actually, I fit perfectly comfortably in my weirdly reductionist box, and I think that's a perfectly fine way to be and I love being this way, but I still hate how reductionist and constricting these boxes are because many people do not fit perfectly comfortably in them and they have just as much right to their gender expression and identity as I do'?"

How about "Almost stereotypically female"? Or:… [more]
posted to MetaTalk by jiawen at 2:19 AM on January 26, 2012

Did you mean to favorite that?

My most favorited comment has only gotten 16, which is not much, and so I feel sorry for myself, but I also try to be as truthful as I can, so I valiantly maintain self-esteem even so.
posted to MetaTalk by jiawen at 1:40 AM on January 14, 2012