Tuesday, December 24, 2013
MLB Job Seekers
Unlike people walking past itching at their second skins, he looks at home in a suit. I can imagine him running a conference room. After hearing what he's done by 22, it seems odd that he doesn't already. Here is Thomas' problem: When I walk away to talk to the next guy, or girl, or the next one after that, I'm struck by how many broadly impressive resumes are here. They often have wildly divergent credentials, but all sound perfectly reasonable -- insistent, almost -- as qualification for any baseball job. Worse, their end goal of running a baseball team means that they are all trying to fast-track to one of only 30 such jobs in the world.
It's more like 122, since you have 4 pro leagues. And that could be more like 244, since asst GMs wield big responsibilities as well. Anyway, this John Kruk story:
I watch for half an hour before finally approaching a group of stragglers. "He's just sitting there," one says. No one dares cross the threshold and approach him. This is a job fair, and job fairs are serious business. Failing to wait for an audience would indicate a fundamental disrespect for the solemn purpose of having a job fair. Instead the Job Seekers just look at him, thirty feet away.
"It looks like he's ready to go to lunch," another says, too loudly. Noises carry in empty rooms. I can't tell if he means to describe the intensity of Kruk's desire to leave or merely to describe what ESPN's pre-game promo packages take pains to describe as the normative state of Krukness.
Finally, a woman tasked with the job of Kruk Wrangling arranges for a boom mic and camera setup and motions for the Job Seekers to gather round the table. The room fills quickly.
"Whaddayou wanna do in baseball?" Kruk asks, pointing at the first four guys arrayed around him. The fourth wants to be a GM. "You just wanna run everything!" Kruk says. The aspiring GM tries to explain: "I was a catcher. I'm used to being in control, running the field." Kruk laughs; he likes the guy sticking up for himself. "Well, if you can deal with pitchers," he says, "you can deal with anyone."
It doesn't take long for the wisdom to run out. Kruk starts talking about how to mow the outfield grass different ways. Some exasperated, overstressed paid-attendee at this Job Fair may snap and start beating him with a legal pad full of resumes and scream, "TELL. ME. THE. JOB. SECRETS."
Finally, Tim Kurkjian walks in quickly, makes his way to the front of the audience, and the point of this portion of the Job Fair reveals itself. "Where should I eat in Orlando?" he asks Kruk. "I figured you would know."
"Five Guys," Kruk says. "I dunno. I don't live here. I like salt. I've been watching a lot of Food Network. I love seasoning."
It's fair to say that the sorts of people seeking the chance to work up from an internship to become a VP of Operations in Major League Baseball don't really expect to learn a lot from John Kruk. At least not a lot of things that would be terribly helpful or even really a cousin to scientific reality. That said, it feels brutal to snooker a bunch of overanxious kids into waiting to hear from an ESPN Solon and then have it turn out to be the Krukie-Kurkjian Vaudeville Yuk-Yuk Hour.
Kurkjian is throwing soft-toss here. "How do you feel about Sabermetrics, John?"
"I hate Sabermetrics and what you people stand for."
To the guy who wanted to know the Job Secrets: figure out which of the three kinds of people you are (a) you know someone in MLB, (b) you don't know someone in MLB but have ideas that you can write about, (c) you don't know anyone, and you can't write about your ideas.
For those of you in the (a) group: I don't know how many people are hired via recommendations of people already in MLB, but I'd guess it's substantial. It's like in Donnie Brasco: I vouched for you Donnie. So, you better be a likable person, and you better not use people to get ahead, as everyone can see through that.
Then there's those of us in the (b) group: 1. Start a blog, 2. Hope that your ideas get exposure. It really works.
For those of you in the (c) group: maybe someone out there can tell us.
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