Mariners Morsels - aka "Free Adam Moore and Rich Poythress! (George Sherrill is FREE!)"

Hey M's fans! Are you here to celebrate the glorious news of Jose Vidro's arrival too? Cool! It's party central up in this piece (that's youth slang).

Yeah, I could hardly believe it when I heard it too... man, just to get that tingling sensation again, let's review as well as recap!

1: No more walks! Hey Mr. Snelling! Fish or cut bait, mate (that's what they say in austria!). I mean, is there a more boring play in baseball than a walk? Oh, I will sit here and do nothing for four-seven good-faith efforts and be bailed out by a technicality. Yeah, leave it to the umpire to do your job for you, Snelling. Where else is being lazy considered a positive quality? Not in America, I'll tell you that much, mister. And kudos (I hope that word isn't austrian) to Mr. Bavasi for seeing through the web of deceit that was Snelling's so-called 'patience.' There's a stat that applies to people like you, *Yoda*, it's called OBP (I think it's OverBoard with the Procrastinating or something) and it's pegged you right: a serial offender. You can hide from Jim Bowden, but you cannot hide from Science, Mr. Snelling.

2: We're fielding a much more valuable team now. Think about it: over the past year, we've dumped a number of shifty young men in exchange for *proven* veterans who make, on average, like a gazillion times more per year! How cool is that? Unless you're some sort of idiot who thinks that a player making less than $1 million is as good as, oh, I don't know, Jose Vidro, who the M's will pay $12 million over a couple of years. Look at the difference in salary! It's right there, in black and white: Vidro is about 7-8 times better than Fruto and Snelling combined. Nice doin' business with ya, Mr. Bowden! Har! Reminds me of when we fleeced Cleveland for their experienced DH platoon. What do I want with 20 year old AAA 'prospects' (yeah, prospective insurance salesmen in a year or two! Ha!) when I can have guys on the 'right' side of 30; guys who know how to keep a clubhouse loose, and who know how to win (no, neither Perez or Broussard have actually 'won' anything in particular, *except for my heart*, but you simply don't win with 20-some odd year old hoodlums. You. Do. Not. Florida cheated. There, I said it.). Broussard plus Vidro makes us a better team, and there's no way you can argue it: the Market has spoken, and Broussard and Vidro are paid more. QE2, 'mofos'.

3: Time's running out on YOU Messrs Lopez and Jones! Yeah, just you wait. You'll get yours. Jose Lopez *JUST* turned 23, and has done nothing to justify his salary. To think that some people still value him. I shouldn't have to mention that he makes a pittance - if he was any good, doncha think he'd get paid a little more like, oh, I don't know, Jose Vidro? He's had a chance, and he's got a career batting average of .265. Do you know what Willie Bloomquist's career batting average is? (Secretly, I hoped that you would ask me!) It's .257! It's like, the same, but with Willie you get 1:) flexibility, 2:) stolen bases and 3:) a better interview! Hey, Mr. Lopez? I can't understand the words that are coming out of your mouth! Were you paying attention in school, or were you already on the demon rum?! The best thing that could happen (and i'm *seriously* trying to manage my expectations, but Bavasi has shown he's got the vision to see things through!) is that Lopez is traded, which opens up a spot for Vidro, and then Willie becomes the dh (a DH that steals bases - leave it to Bill Bavasi to blaze new trails of genius). Hey, I hear you say, Why wouldn't Vidro be the DH? I thought he wanted to do that? That's what they call a smokescreen, people. That lets every other GM know that Lopez is still a viable 2b; yeah, puke, I know.... but that means he'll have more value in trade! Can you imagine, with Bavasi's record in trading players (and I'm one who thinks that Ramon Santiago never get a fair shot - glad to see someone agrees with me!) who we might be able to get? Jeff Suppan, maybe? David Eckstein (okay, Lopez would need to be part of a bigger package to get Eckstein, but a guy can dream, can't he! :) ;) - that means I am winking at you!)? Let's think outside the box - how about Kurt Warner? Whoa whoa whoa, he's a football player, I hear you say! But for a guy who went from supermarket box boy to Super Bowl MVP, how much does the phrase 'it can't be done' or 'that's ludicrous' mean? OK, it means a lot: in terms of motivation!

4: Yeah, I'm still going, I'll be going all night it was such an awesome day!! I could spend all night refuting all this malarkey about this being a 'bad' trade, but I think the case is closed now. (What was it that Perry Mason used to always say? 'You're immaterial, Lookout Landing! You're irrelevant, USS Mariner! :I'm in black and white while I'm saying this, Ok?:) . But alas, I have to retire - I can't even imagine what I'm going to dream about tonight. I bet it has something to do with Jose Vidro, David Eckstein and a unicorn, though. Those dreams are the best.