As we enter the holiday season, it’s once again time to think about gift-giving at work. Do you have to get your boss a present? What about your employees? How do you navigate your team’s group gift exchange when you don’t know what anyone likes? And what if your company gives truly terrible gifts? We’ve got answers to those and more, below.
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‘Should I give my boss a gift?’
For the first time ever, I’m working with a manager I really like. She supports my professional goals, looks out for me with some of the more challenging personalities here, gives me interesting projects and useful feedback, and is generally just a pleasure to work for — very different from the bosses I’ve had up until now. So I’m wondering what to do about the holidays. I wasn’t here last December so I don’t know what, if anything, most people do about gifts. Would it be appropriate for me to give her a present of some sort? And if so, what does one give to one’s boss?
Resist the impulse. The etiquette for gifts at work is that they flow downward (from manager to employee) but not upward (from you to your boss). As a rule, no one should feel pressured to spend their money buying gifts for the person who signs their paychecks — no matter how much they might like and appreciate her — and it’s not appropriate for a manager to benefit from the power differential in that way. Most good managers are actually a little uncomfortable receiving gifts from their team members for that reason.
However, it’s always nice to bring in baked goods for the whole team. And if you want to do something for your boss specifically, a nice card or note about how much you appreciate working for her will likely be treasured long after any other gift would be forgotten.
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‘Should I get my employees gifts?’
I’m new to my company and manage a team of five. I’m not certain what people here typically do for the holidays, so I’m not sure if I should plan to buy each person I manage a gift or not. And if I do, what’s appropriate to give, and what’s an appropriate amount to spend?
Managers don’t need to give employees gifts, but it can be a nice gesture. To avoid ending up the one manager who doesn’t give her team anything, check with the other supervisors to find out what they’re planning. If they are buying gifts, you can also ask roughly how much they’re spending, since that can vary widely depending on the field you’re in and salary level.
If you do decide to give your team members presents, there are two ways you can go. You can try to find personalized gifts for each individual based on their interests. Or you can go with gift cards. Not so exciting, but a safe bet, and if team members do compare gifts after the fact, they won’t be left wondering whether you spent the same amount on everyone. The latter may also be easier if you’re new and don’t know your team well yet. Another option is to bring in baked goods or another treat that everyone can share.
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‘My boss wants an expensive gift!’
The company I work for has 12 employees. Every year, the owner asks our manager to go around and collect $60 from each person to then get a present for her. Around this time, she always makes comments about the type of jewelry she likes or a new watch she’s seen.
I have kindly let them know that it is not in my budget this year as my spouse changed jobs a month ago and times are tight. When I told them that, they said that participation is mandatory and no one is allowed to opt out. I simply don’t have the $60. My spouse and I aren’t even exchanging gifts this year. Am I causing drama for no reason, or is $60 a lot to ask of an employee?
Your company’s owner is a terrible person, and whoever is trying to make this mandatory is out of their gourd. Frankly, even insisting on $5 donations for a gift for the boss would be out of line — but demanding $60 from someone who says it’s out of their budget is a whole new level of awful.
How firmly have you said “no”? If you soft-pedaled it in an effort to be polite, be more direct: “I do not have the money to give. I’m not even exchanging gifts with my spouse this year. It’s not possible for me to come up with money that I don’t have.” You might also consider broaching the subject with your co-workers, seeing if they’re annoyed by this, too, and if so, pushing back as a group. This kind of practice is harder to maintain when a bunch of employees speak up and say, “We’re not okay with this.”
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‘I have no idea what to get for the office gift exchange!’
I’ve signed up to participate in my office’s gift swap, where everyone brings a wrapped gift and takes one home. I think it’s a Yankee Swap, where people pick one to open and then can either keep it or “steal” someone else’s unwrapped gift. Since I don’t know who’s going to end up taking home whatever I bring, I have no idea how to shop for this! What’s a good generic gift to bring when you don’t know who it will be for?
In some ways, this kind of gift swap takes the pressure off because you don’t need to find a perfect gift that’s precisely tailored to your recipient’s preferences; you just need to get something that’s broadly considered desirable, and if the person who opens it doesn’t like it, they can swap it for something else. Food or gift cards, especially to a coffee shop or restaurant near the office, can be good choices. Bottles of wine or liquor are often appreciated and can be easily regifted if they’re not to the recipient’s taste. As a rule, stay away from anything intended to be put on the body, like perfume, lotion, clothes, or jewelry. Those items are both too personal for co-workers and too difficult to pick out without knowing your recipient.
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‘My company gives terrible gifts.’
Every year, my company (with around 70 employees) picks out one corporate gift and sends it to all of us. Every year, it is terrible. One year they delivered hams to our homes, despite us having a fair number of vegetarians and Muslims on staff. One year they sent us all branded hoodies, which would have been fine except that they seem to have just guessed at people’s sizes (which is already weird, right?) and got them really wrong in a lot of cases. Mine would probably fit my toddler, but it doesn’t fit me. Another year they sent us all gift certificates for a restaurant that was far away from where most of us live. I’d rather receive nothing than these vaguely insulting gifts that seem to indicate no care went into picking them. Is it worth saying something, or is it rude to complain?
It’s rude to complain about a gift given in a social situation, but this is work, and the rules are different. Your leadership is sending gifts in the hope that it will increase staff morale and make people feel more connected to the company. If they’re failing at that (or, as is the case here, achieving the opposite), it’s useful for them to know.
So yes, if you have some political capital to spend, speak up to whoever coordinates the gifts! You’d be doing the company a favor, and you could probably find co-workers who would be willing to speak up with you. Start by acknowledging that it’s hard, if not impossible, to find a gift that 70 people will all love. Then let them know that they’ve been sending gifts that are unused by a disproportionate number of your staff and ask if they’d take feedback about what gifts would be most appreciated this year. (But if they don’t budge, please write back and share what they end up sending this year, because I am eager to know what they come up with next.)
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‘My co-worker gives me a gift every year – should I be reciprocating?’
I work on a small team where everyone is pretty friendly. Usually for the holidays, my co-workers and I exchange cards or leave baked goods in the kitchen for people to share. But one of my co-workers gives me a gift every year. It’s nothing extravagant — a candle one year, a book she thought I’d like another, and so forth. But I’m feeling awkward that I’ve never reciprocated. Honestly, I’d prefer not to! I have a small gift-buying budget that I’d rather spend on my family, and I don’t want to encourage the expectation that we’ll all give each other gifts. But now that it’s clear she’s going to give me something every year, am I being rude by not returning the gesture?
Some people give gifts to co-workers, and some people don’t, and you don’t need to feel obligated to cross over to the gifting side if you don’t want to. It sounds like this has gone on for long enough for her to see the pattern and stop if she objects to being the only one offering a gift; she hasn’t, so I’d assume she simply derives joy from continuing to do it. A sincere “thank you” is all that’s required.
That said, if you feel awkward about not reciprocating with something, a card with a warm note inside is a good middle ground.
Find even more career advice from Alison Green on her website, Ask a Manager. Got a question for her? Email askaboss@nymag.com (and read our submission terms here.)