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Article

Close but Not Too Close? A Qualitative Study of How U.S. Emerging Adults Describe Their Cousin Relationships

by
Heather Hessel
1,* and
Rachel J. Christiansen
2
1
Department of Family Social Science, University of Minnesota, 290 McNeal Hall, 1985 Buford Ave, St. Paul, MN 55108, USA
2
Department of Counseling, Rehabilitation, and Human Services, University of Wisconsin-Stout, 337 Vocational Rehabilitation Bldg, Menomonie, WI 54751, USA
*
Author to whom correspondence should be addressed.
Adolescents 2025, 5(1), 8; https://doi.org/10.3390/adolescents5010008
Submission received: 13 January 2025 / Revised: 18 February 2025 / Accepted: 27 February 2025 / Published: 6 March 2025
Versions Notes

Abstract

:
Research has provided evidence of the protective characteristics of extended family for U.S. emerging adults, but no research has specifically explored cousin relationships. The current study fills this gap by analyzing qualitative data collected from 192 U.S. 18–29-year-old adults (M age = 25.6 years). As this topic is relatively unexplored, examining qualitative data provides scope and vocabulary for further exploration. Participants completed an online survey asking them to describe interactions with extended family, identifying 561 cousins (M age = 28.2 years). A thematic analysis based on the process defined by Braun and Clark generated four primary themes: (1) emerging adults feel varying degrees of closeness and distance with their cousins, (2) relational maintenance with cousins is both planned and incidental, (3) family membership provides resources, and (4) cousins share the same generational position. These results describe important characteristics of the cousin relationship, including moments of unexpected closeness and shared experience of family. The findings also highlight the relevance of sharing a similar life stage within the same family system. Practitioners can utilize findings to help clients identify extended family members that can be tapped for bonding and support.

1. Introduction

Immediate family relationships have received the most attention in family research despite evidence that extended family members also contribute to positive youth development [1]. Definitions for extended family relationships vary but commonly encompass the roles of grandparents, grandchildren, aunts/uncles, cousins, and in-laws and exclude the roles of parents, children, and siblings [2]. A more expansive definition of extended family also accommodates feelings of kinship, as well as legal and genetic family ties not falling into traditional categories [2]. Limited research is available showing the impact of nurturing relationships with grandparents, aunts/uncles, siblings, and godparents [3,4,5,6]. For example, in The Forgotten Kin, Milardo [7] stresses the importance of aunts and uncles for the continuity of family traditions, identities, and beliefs. However, findings have shown that emerging adults feel closer to, more similar to, and more supported by their cousins when contrasted with aunts/uncles [8]. Little else is known, however, about how emerging adults experience their relationships with cousins, even though focusing on the cousin relationship has the potential to generate new ideas about supporting this age group as they launch from their immediate family. The current study fills this gap by analyzing data in which emerging adults describe their interactions with cousins. The results show the importance of generational placement, the mechanisms for relational maintenance, and how support is given and received between cousins.
Since the publication of Arnett’s article [9], the concept of “emerging adulthood” as a developmental period spanning the ages of 18 to 29 has become more established. “Emerging adulthood” has been used to reconceptualize the transition to adulthood, distinct from adolescence and from later adulthood [10]. The period of emerging adulthood appears to be particularly applicable to the U.S. and other societies where there have been increasing delays in marriage and parenthood, where young adults are participating in higher education in larger numbers, and where there are delays in other roles seen as part of traditional adulthood [11].
There is a common belief that as emerging adults leave for college, they are psychologically freed from the family [12]. However, emerging adults in industrial societies experience a more prolonged entry into adult roles and responsibilities compared to past generations and often experience a continued interdependence with the family system [12]. Furthermore, Monserud [13] found that parents’ relationships with their own parents were associated with the degree of closeness experienced by their emerging adult children and their grandparents. Hareven [14] describes the “synchronization of individual transitions with familial ones” as a “crucial aspect of the life course…” (p. 439). One study found that while considering the transition to the workforce, “dealing with extended family” was as important to emerging adults as finding meaningful work or pursuing educational or career opportunities ([15], p. 24). Furthermore, geographic mobility in the U.S. has decreased steadily over the past 40 years, with the most common reason for staying in their hometowns being “family ties” ([16], p. 2). According to the U.S. Census Bureau, migration continued to decline between 2006 and 2019 [17]. Those who have remained in their hometowns have a median number of eight extended family members within an hour’s drive of them [16].
Recent research on young adults and their relationships with extended family has included studies looking at specific types of relationships. Michałek Kwiecień [6] found a positive impact on identity development when grandparents are perceived as mentors among Polish emerging adult grandchildren. Colaner et al. [4] explored emerging adults’ relationships with their godparents to better understand the relational behaviors that are associated with closeness. Using a slightly younger sample (14–21-year-olds), Grafsky et al. [5] found that aunts play a unique role for youths coming out as LGBTQIA, acting as mentor and mediators with other family members.
While there are common themes that characterize this period of life, emerging adults in the U.S. are one of the most diverse generational cohorts due to immigration, income inequality, and increasing racial diversity [18]. Researchers’ focus on the nuclear family dismisses the experience and family practices for kin networks and racial/ethnic minorities that rely heavily on extended family for support and “perpetuat[es] ‘hegemonic whiteness’ ([19], p. 254)” [2,20]. Extended family relationships are a core feature of the social structure in tribal communities, providing support, cultural knowledge, and child-rearing [21]. As noted by Martin and Martin [22], the extended family network has provided security and support for Black families for generations, held together by an appreciation of interdependence and family obligation. In their study across 16 different cultures, Georgas et al. [23] found greater benefit in focusing on the function of kin rather than structural relationships. As a result, allowing participants to be able to identify relatives using terms that fit their unique relationships is important. In other words, how one defines extended family roles, such as “cousin”, may signify a legal relationship or simply a type of familial bond that is perceived by the participant as playing that role, consistent with Mikucki-Enyart et al. [2].
Despite there being a collective understanding of the impact that larger social systems play in emerging adult development, there is little research on extended family, especially how extended family member relationships impact emerging adults [24,25]. To address this gap, researchers have called for more studies on extended family, noting that research on those relationships accounts for just 5.9% of the articles published in the Journal of Family Communication since 2012 [2,26]. The time is particularly ripe for furthering this research area because of the technological tools available to recent generations of young adults that were not available 30 years ago. Young adults are connecting with extended family members via technology, but our understanding of the process and implications for these connections is relatively nascent [27,28].
The cousin relationship is unlike other extended family relationships because it is at the intersection of multiple family characteristics. Cousins have a shared family framework and may share the same social locations, grandparents, aunts, etc. Cousins likely share the same generational position yet often do not grow up in the same household. A growing body of research focuses on emerging adults’ sibling relationships and the generational connection between them [29,30]. As in adolescence, the importance of peers continues to be a significant influence on emerging adults [31], and cousins in the same generational cohort may offer unique peer support to each other. Furthermore, being in the same generational cohort increases the probability that cousins will share the same online spaces. The prevalent use of technology by emerging adults has allowed them to connect with extended family members without parental facilitation of those relationships [27].
As cousins are not in the same nuclear family but share other family characteristics, it is possible for emerging adult cousins to be close, but it is unclear under what circumstances that bonding occurs. The cousin relationship is culturally defined and contextual, at times aligning more closely with kinship ties that do not always represent legal relationships [32]. Allowing emerging adults to define the term “cousin” themselves, without being tied to a particular legal or biological relationship, enables us to move beyond the structural role in the current study.
Given the importance of social connection and transition out of the nuclear family that occurs during emerging adulthood, exploring the outer edges of family relationships can help us understand the types of support that emerging adults need during this phase. Furthermore, exploring relationships that are likely to be generationally lateral can shed light on what might be unique characteristics for the current cohort of youths experiencing this transition. The current exploratory study is designed to generate ideas about how emerging adults perceive, use, and maintain their cousin relationships by investigating the following research question: how do emerging adults describe their relationships with cousins, including the interaction characteristics that influence the closeness or distance they feel with their cousins?

2. Materials and Methods

Because this area of research is relatively unexplored, a qualitative design was appropriate. The broader study was designed to gather feedback from U.S. emerging adults about their extended family relationships; this study examined the subset of these data that pertained to cousins. After approval from the university institutional review board, data were collected in November 2017 from emerging adults 18–29 years old via an online survey. Among other data, participants provided short answers to questions about their relationships with extended family members. Only participants who provided qualitative data describing their relationship with someone they identified as a “cousin” were included in this analysis. A thematic analytical approach was conducted to elucidate characteristics used to describe the cousin relationship.
Participants were recruited via the Amazon Mechanical Turk (MTurk) online labor market, which has been found to generate a more representative sample than convenience samples [33]. To ensure high-quality data, participants were required to have an MTurk reputation score of at least 95%, a threshold shown to improve data reliability [34]. Workers earn their reputation score by successfully completing tasks that are approved by task creators. MTurk has also been found to be fast and cost-effective for family research in comparison with other online recruitment methods [35]. Respondents who met the criterion of having a reputation score of 95% or higher were invited to complete a 25 min online survey and were paid USD 0.75.
Participants were U.S. 18–29-year-old adults (N = 192; M age = 25.6 years; SD = 2.6) (Table 1). Participants were predominantly white (71.9%), female (62.5%), and married or living with a partner (54.2%). Most participants were employed full-time (68.6%) and were not in school (62%). Annual income was fairly even across four categories, including 28.6% that reported earning less than USD 25,000 per year and 17.7% making USD 60,000 or more. Most participants had some college education or had attained a 4-year degree (75.4%).
Consistent with the method pioneered by Widmer [36], participants identified up to 12 family members who had “played a role, either positive or negative in your life during the past year”, then selected or typed in a role for each family member. Participants responded to four short answer prompts about how they are interacting with extended family: (1) “Think about the last extended family member you saw in person. Briefly describe in a short paragraph what the interaction was like. Who was it? What happened? Where were you? How long ago was it?” (2) “Choose one of your extended family members and tell me a story about one of the last times you interacted with them in a way that made you feel closer to them or less close to them. Consider both in-person and online interactions.” (3) “Other than calling them on the phone, tell me a story about the last time you were in touch with one of your extended family members using technology? How did that interaction impact your feelings of being a member of your family?” (4) “Finally, thinking back over the period of time that you have been using communication technology such as email, texting, and social media, how would you describe how these communication channels have impacted your relationships with extended family members? What, if anything, has surprised you about the use of technology in these relationships?” Aligned with best practices for qualitative research, these prompts were designed as open-ended questions to generate rich and descriptive narrative data. The prompts align with the research question by focusing on interactions between family members and the feelings that result from those interactions.
The data were analyzed by two researchers using Braun and Clarke’s inductive thematic analytical approach [37]. This method of analysis was chosen because thematic analysis is effective at identifying and interpreting patterns of meaning. The lead author is a white cisgender middle-aged female from the dominant culture in the U.S. While she has multiple siblings near her age, her four cousins are in different generational cohorts, and she has limited contact with them. The second researcher is a white, cisgender middle-aged woman from the dominant culture in the U.S. She has one sibling and 24 first cousins. Her cousins span both the same generational cohort as well as different cohorts from her (older and younger). Prior to data analysis, both researchers had an in-depth discussion about how experiences with their own cousins might bias the findings. Both researchers recognized the need to bracket their personal experiences, especially as it relates to their cultural background and age. One aspect that was particularly noted was how the family experience of emerging adults today may differ greatly from previous generations due to the widespread adoption of technology as a means of family communication.
Following Braun and Clarke’s [37] six-step process, the researchers reviewed and became familiar with the data and then generated a set of initial codes through opening coding. After coding the full dataset, the researchers independently identified an initial set of overarching themes. Through three iterations, the researchers met weekly to review and discuss their findings, refine recurrent themes, and reflect on how their positionality potentially impacted their responses to and understanding of the results. The final set of themes was generated through a collective process of bringing conceptual precision to each theme.

3. Results

Participants identified a total of 561 cousins (M age = 28.2 years; SD = 11.0) with a mean of 4.4 (SD = 2.6) cousins per participant. Sixty-eight percent of identified cousins were between 13 and 34 years old. Most participants described positive relationships with their cousins, describing varying degrees of closeness. Four primary themes and fourteen sub-themes were constructed. The quoted text includes the age of the participant followed by their dataset identifier.

3.1. Theme 1: Emerging Adults Feel Varying Degrees of Closeness and Distance with Their Cousins

3.1.1. Offering and Receiving Emotional Support Builds Closeness

Many respondents described using their cousins as confidantes with whom they felt comfortable sharing private information. Several respondents described their cousins as “friends”. One person (21, P108) described, “My cousin always makes me feel closer to her because she’s really open and honest with me. She shares a lot of what happens in her life with me and we both trust each other and are like best friends”. Among other personal topics, respondents confided in their cousins about their relationship and divorce experiences, break-ups, substance use, and coming out:
When I came out as gay [my cousin] was the first one I told and he was very supportive and helped me come out to the rest of the family. It was the most terrifying time in my life and I couldn’t have done it without him (21, P85).
Participants reported that their cousins trusted them to share their own personal experiences, such as mental health issues or legal problems. The confiding that occurs between cousins was described as making them feel closer, such as “[he] had just had to put his beloved dog to sleep. He showed me photos and videos of her last car ride and all the things she did on her last day alive and we cried together” (29, P35). Participants reported connecting for support regularly, such as by “sending each other pictures over social media in order to cheer each other up if we are having a difficult day. A friend that I could always reach out to” (29, P160).

3.1.2. Shared Experiences and Interests Build Closeness

Emerging adults shared commonalities with their cousins in family experiences, health issues, religion, political views, career choices, and activities, e.g., hunting and drinking beer. One participant (22, P187) reported, “My cousin A and I both have mothers who have been diagnosed with dementia… Knowing that I’m not going through this alone always draws me closer to her”. Another respondent (23, P175) noted that “I realized we have a lot in common and we have the same personality” when describing their cousin. Multiple participants shared experiences of playing video games together, including the following: “Xbox live has allowed me to stay in touch with my cousins C and A. We probably wouldn’t have as strong as a relationship that we have now without it” (23, P179). One participant (21, P151) identified their cousin’s best friend J as “like my cousin” and then went on to say, “I was twisting his hair and we talked about life and our similarities in life”. Later, they noted, “I knew J had basketball tryouts so I texted him, I told him good luck with his tryouts and that I knew he would do fine”.

3.1.3. Having a Shared Family System Is Often Viewed as Bonding

Respondents described incidents where bonding occurred based on being in the same family system, such as when considering family heirlooms:
I text[ed] L a couple weeks ago about a trunk that I have that was our great-great grandfathers. My grandma gave it to me before we moved into our current, much smaller house. L is in the process of moving into a larger house with her husband, and I asked her if she would like to take the trunk. I felt good to be able to keep it in the family and to have that connection (26, P20).
Some cousins bonded by discussing family members they did not like. One person (25, P176) shared that they felt closer after “bonding over some difficult family members and the past, which made me happy that someone understood how I felt”. Sometimes cousins shared information about other family members, such as when their cousin texted them “about a family member having a drug problem. She felt he was doing some things that can get him in trouble” (29, P9). Some participants reported closeness that one might expect from a sibling: “Sometimes I think she is more of a sister to me than a cousin” (29, P55). Another person (24, P139) noted, “We also reminisced on happy times and things we’d done together and vowed to do more things as a pair. It was a good experience to share with anyone but especially with a family member”.

3.1.4. Cousins Can Be Close, but Not Too Close

Being part of the same family system means that there is a structural bond between cousins that may not always result in an emotional bond. Several respondents described interactions that were disappointing or awkward, resulting in increased distance. For example, one individual (28, P162) said that “the conversation was awkward; I sensed they were uncomfortable,” which eventually led to cutting off Facebook conversations. Another participant (26, P16) shared that their cousin gave them a gift unexpectedly, which was appreciated, but they still felt “slightly disconnected” afterwards “as if they were no more than work associates”. One respondent felt “less inclined” to see their cousin after they asked to borrow money. Despite these encounters, cousins shared information that they would most likely not have shared with a mere acquaintance, such as one participant who stated, “I hardly get in touch with her because we have our own lives and she herself is a very busy person, working all the time. We were talking and I’d opened up to her about being a lesbian” (26, P25). This statement exemplifies the paradox of not seeing each other frequently (i.e., not being “close”) while also sharing the lived experience of being a lesbian (i.e., being close enough to open up about this personal topic).

3.1.5. Estrangement and Disconnection Happen

Most participants described positive relationships with their cousins. However, problems and conflict sometimes resulted in emotional cut-offs. Disagreements about politics, race, and religious differences resulted in blocking on social media. One young adult (28, P104) described their relationship as “estranged” and said “they stole from me and were hurtful”. Some hostility related to how cousins viewed the relationship with other family members, such as grandparents, which were sometimes perceived as being taken advantage of. One participant described online arguments with a cousin’s husband. Sometimes bad feelings were a result of feeling judged by their cousins. For example, one respondent (25, P185) was asked if they were going to college:
I felt awkward when I revealed that I had dropped out. I also felt like because I didn’t have a degree beside my name I was somehow viewed as a loser. Although I had somewhat of a good time with them, I realized I couldn’t talk to these people as much because I didn’t ‘have much to show forth’ in their eyes.

3.2. Theme 2: Relational Maintenance with Cousins Is Both Planned and Incidental

3.2.1. Participating in Family Celebratory Events Helps Cousins Connect

Cousins connected with each other through celebratory family events like birthdays and graduations. One respondent (25, P38) wrote that at a cousin’s wedding, she was able to “spend some time with some of her friends which also made me feel closer to my cousin”. Cousins also participated in wedding dress shopping and bachelorette parties.
Birthday greetings were opportunities for cousins to connect, both online and in person. Cousins ate and drank together to celebrate birthdays. Some respondents said that exchanging birthday greetings helped them feel closer. One respondent (21, P79) sent a birthday text to a cousin that initiated more texts between them. “We talked about how we hope to see each other soon and would love for our girls to play together and grow up much closer than we were”.

3.2.2. Cousins Connect Through Births and Deaths in the Family

While marking the introduction and passing of family members, cousins also connected with each other during times of family transition. Introductions to family members’ babies were an important part of relationship maintenance, and several respondents described feeling close connections to cousins after meeting a cousin’s baby, often through a video call. One respondent (28, P98) said, “I felt much closer to my cousin M after meeting his baby who is only a couple of months old… It was a beautiful experience and I’m proud of my family even though we are pretty different”. Social media has connected cousins who are geographically distant. One respondent (24, P150), after seeing baby photos shared by a cousin, remarked, “[I]t was so emotional and excited to be a part of this important moment of his life even when all this info came through social media”.
Similarly, some cousins reconnected at funerals. One respondent (25, P131) described talking with a cousin at his aunt’s funeral and said, “we really had a deep talk about life and death and what we believed in… It really made me feel connected to her in a time of need and a time when we needed our family to come together”. Other respondents discussed how they felt closer to cousins while grieving the loss of family members by reminiscing or sharing stories.

3.2.3. Cousins Build Relationship Continuity Through Repeated and Intentional Interactions

Cousins bonded through regular interactions daily or weekly, often online. One respondent (28, P142) said, “My cousin L and I email each other on a weekly basis. We like to keep up with one another via email or text because we both have very busy lives and do not get to see each other in person much”. Some cousins sent “funny memes” (29, P173) to cheer each other up or make each other laugh.
Other respondents appreciated their cousins who reached out to check in, including a respondent (23, P140) who said,
it was kind of surprising to receive a text just checking up on me from my cousin. I think we really connected the last time we saw each other in person since we were both adults and had both matured.
Respondents and their cousins took turns visiting each other and checking social media to stay in touch with what was going on in their lives. For some respondents who did not know their cousins very well, small talk or casual conversation felt important. One participant (25, P22) said “because I don’t know C very well. It’s nice to have the small talk that we do have”.
Holidays and other family gatherings were important and planned parts of relational maintenance. Respondents talked about cooking together, laughing, reminiscing, and talking about politics at holiday events. These family events allowed cousins to stay in contact with each other or reconnect at different life stages. Some respondents mentioned particular conversations that were meaningful, such as, “we talked a lot about school and our plans for the future. It was a very connecting conversation” (19, P27). Other respondents discussed the “fun” of holiday gatherings or gift exchanges. Cousins, in similar generations, may be in a unique position to support each other in carrying out family traditions from older generations. One respondent chatted with a cousin on WhatsApp who told her she would be continuing an old family tradition. The respondent (28, P95) said, “I felt so happy that we all still consider ourselves family and still keep the old tradition alive”.
Technology has changed how family event planning is carried out by allowing more people to jointly participate. Respondents discussed how group texting has helped their families coordinate events. One respondent (29, P28) described a group text with his wife and cousin as follows: “We planned the trip for months through texts and emails and it all came together without any problems… We also used [group texting] to plan future get togethers or trips”. Another respondent (26, P88) said, “We just coordinated our big family get together via text. My cousins that I barely interact with got involved, and everyone was sharing memes and gifs, it was like being in a group of friends”.

3.2.4. Cousins Connect Through Incidental Interactions

Respondents described incidental interactions which may have been more likely to occur because of cousins’ peer connections or being in similar life stages. Serendipitous meetings occurred at grocery stores and other family members’ houses. Sometimes they happened to be in the same town together for a sporting event or for work, or they spent time together during layovers between flights. One respondent (29, P160) wrote that his cousin, a long-haul truck driver, was passing through his town and stopped by to spend the night. He said, “We stayed up, chatted about our families, our lives and a variety of other topics”. Another respondent (28, P149) said an uncle and cousin were traveling through his town and stayed with him for a weekend. “It was a lot of fun; we went to eat pizza, talked, and went to a casino”.
Sometimes respondents and their cousins unknowingly shared social circles and encountered each other when going out to meet friends. One participant (25, P59) wrote that he met friends at a bar and discovered his cousin was there to meet the same friends, stating “We got drinks and hung out and talked. We became a lot closer because of that”. Another respondent (23, P175) went to a friend’s house for a gathering and unexpectedly ran into her cousin. The respondent said they caught up and made jokes, stating “[I]t was good to be so close again”.
In another form of incidental interaction, respondents mentioned the role of social media. One respondent (26, P57) saw a tweet about her cousin’s experiences at college and shared her own experiences at the same college. She said, “I felt connected to him because we were sharing stories”. Some respondents talked about enjoying seeing photos and posts with updates on their cousins’ lives, or as one person (28, P3) said, they knew their cousin “does care” after the cousin “liked” their photos on Facebook.

3.3. Theme 3: Family Membership Provides Resources

3.3.1. Cousins May Provide Functional Support to Each Other

Participants shared examples of offering functional support to each other, e.g., by caring for pets and cutting hair. One respondent (27, P8) said, “G came over to my house and helped me fix my car for free. He went above and beyond to get the parts needed”. Another respondent helped her cousin study for finals over the phone. When one young adult (21, P44) had financial problems, their cousin “came through” for them and lent them the money they needed. One respondent (29, P165) called a cousin for a ride late at night when she was stranded. Cousins have also offered each other personal training, babysitting, and project-related help. However, one respondent (25, P66) expressed resentment about how much support a cousin was receiving from their grandmother, saying her grandmother took out a second mortgage on her house to buy things for their cousin.

3.3.2. Cousins Offer Each Other Support Through Mentoring or Advice

Cousins also offered support to each other through mentoring or advice, often related to educational or career decisions. One respondent encouraged her cousin to continue her college education. Another participant (27, P21), who had just dropped out of college, said their cousin “had also dropped out of college and reassured me that I would be OK and wasn’t going to be a total failure just because of that”. One young adult (24, P123) shared “sad stories” and humor with a cousin regarding their similar problems in high school. Cousins offered guidance on math and advice on legal or mental health issues. One person (25, P124) said, “my cousin messaged me on social media asking for a source of free music. It felt like I was still at home giving advice to a younger cousin trying to make it in the world”.

3.4. Theme 4: Cousins Share the Same Generational Position

3.4.1. Relationship Dynamics Shift Through Life Stages

A few participants noted that their interests aligned as adults in ways they had not aligned growing up. One person (25, P124) stated,
My cousin R and I went to a bar one time when I went home to visit. I felt closer to him on that night because that was the first time we actually hung out together as adults in an environment that adult friends go to.
Others had the opportunity to reconnect after a family event. One young adult (26, P14) shared, “…we went years without speaking and then after his dad died we used them to get back in touch. It is nice to know that he is always a message away.” Another participant expressed feeling “a sense of companionship just in not being alone in certain life events and feelings that we’ve had” (24, P139). Conversely, some participants noted that they have grown apart as they reached adulthood and developed different interests. At a family reunion, one person (28, P114) noted that “It was good to catch up, but I realized that our lives were quite different from one another”.

3.4.2. Cousins Connect Through Support of the Next Generation

Being in the same generational cohort increases the likelihood that cousins will be meeting similar milestones together, e.g., becoming a parent at the same time. Being able to share photos of each other’s children and exchange anecdotes was described as bonding, even if they had not been close previously. Parenting was described as a point of connection, such as the person (25, P168) who stated,
One cousin spent the night and we got to catch up and talk about our kids. We are the only ones in the family so far who have kids so it’s nice to interact with someone who is also going through a lot of the same things.

3.4.3. Age Proximity Impacts Connectedness

Being a member of the same generational cohort sometimes resulted in similar emotional experiences within the family, such as one respondent (25, P56) who stated, “J was chatting with me about life in general. It is nice to talk about everyday life with someone close to my age. I feel close because we understand each other”. Another participant (29, P6) stated that they were talking with their cousin about how their grandmother had passed: “She knew without me saying anything that I was super distraught about it. We talked about all the good memories we had with her and how lucky we were to have a grandmother like her”. Participants noted that technology use differed by age. One respondent (22, P93) noted that social media helps them connect with cousins, but not with the “older generations”. A respondent (25, P19) shared that their cousin is the only extended family member that engages in social media: “She and I are young and are closer in age than my other extended family members”.

4. Discussion

The current study sheds light on family dynamics that are often overlooked by family researchers and practitioners in line with today’s emphasis on individuality in the conceptualization of well-being. Four primary themes were identified: (1) Emerging adults feel varying degrees of closeness and distance with their cousins, as exemplified by offering and receiving emotional support, sharing experiences and interests, mediating distance, and sometimes being estranged. (2) Relational maintenance with cousins is both planned and incidental, including reunions, births, and deaths. Online interactions provide opportunities for both planned and unplanned connections. (3) Family membership provides resources, with examples of cousins providing functional support and mentoring. (4) Cousins share the same generational position, highlighting that relationship dynamics shift as cousins age, and that age proximity impacts their feelings of connectedness within the larger family system.
These results provide evidence that emerging adults benefit from their cousin relationships in meaningful ways. While there is a wide discrepancy in the amount of closeness emerging adults feel with their cousins, they generally have a positive perspective on the relationship and find it to be a source of emotional and functional support. Being in the same family system and the same generational position increases commonalities, which is a source of bonding for emerging adult cousins. The family constellation facilitates relational maintenance, which can be both planned and incidental, as well as online and offline.
The findings support the idea that the cousin relationship is generally protective and enriching, even if emerging adults do not immediately think of cousins when needing family support. Many participants shared examples of either confiding in their cousins or being confided in by them, and that they felt closer because of these confidences. Some examples were intensely private, demonstrating that emerging adults are allowing themselves to be vulnerable with their cousins. These results support and extend existing research showing that emerging adults feel closer to, more similar to, and more supported by their cousins than their aunts and uncles [8]. Examples of “support” in this study were multifaceted, including emotional, logistic, mentoring, and family identity development. The results reinforce Park et al.’s [38] assertion that the extended family network provides a built-in community structure and family identity, which can be particularly useful when resources are limited. The findings from this study also support research that has shown that kin relationships provide support with less expectation of reciprocity than non-kin relationships [39].
Over two-thirds of the cousins identified by participants were between 15 and 34 years old, suggesting that they share life stage characteristics. This co-occurrence can create closeness through similarities, but it can also invite comparison that can be demoralizing. Emerging adulthood is a time of choice and possibility, where young people are navigating multiple life decisions, such as college, careers, partnerships, and parenthood. Emerging adults who make choices that do not align with the dominant cultural narrative may experience a disconnect with their cousins. Updegraff and Perez-Brena [40] noted that “extended family members are also sources of socialization and mentorship that inform identity, values, and achievement motivations” (p. 185). The results from this study show that some emerging adults feel “left behind” if they make life choices that are different from those of their cousins. Alternatively, some participants also described feeling support when their cousins made similar choices, such as the participant who described dropping out of college like their cousin, who then offered them reassurance.
The findings from this study are consistent with other qualitative research that has examined perspectives on extended family cross-culturally. In their exploration of the role of extended family members in child-rearing practices, Longo et al. [41] interviewed 25 participants from six geographic regions around the world. In their fourth theme, they highlight the elements of “Personal Experiences” of extended family relationships that were described by their participants. Specifically, they noted both positive and negative experiences. Positive experiences included support, shared memories, and cultural pride. Negative experiences included conflict and mismatched expectations. These themes fit well with Themes 1 and 4 in the present study in that they highlight the presence of both positive and negative feelings and demonstrate how families support each other through resource sharing. They also identified coping strategies as a theme, highlighting the need for communication, setting boundaries, and intentionality in managing expectations, which fits with Theme 3 presented in Section 3.3 in the present study. Finally, their themes of changes over time and evolving roles, intergenerational differences, and the role of technology are all consistent with the findings in Theme 4 of the present study. While definitions and experiences of extended family differ based on cultural context, these findings suggest similarities as well.
In their call for more extended family research, Mikucki and colleagues [2] noted that “many extended family relationships are nonvoluntary, or a relationship in which one is, in essence, stuck because the costs to leave the relationship are too high” (p. 6). Along with the ability to reach out to extended family, emerging adults are in a period of their lives where, perhaps for the first time, they can redirect the courses of their lives, and family relationships are voluntary [26,31]. However, family routines and traditions can make it easy for them to sustain relational maintenance through passive or active online interactions and in-person gatherings, which may be celebratory or reflect family life cycle transitions. Even if parents are no longer actively facilitating family interactions for their emerging adult children, the overall family structure still acts as a binding agent.
As might be expected, the COVID-19 pandemic altered regular family interactions and traditions, both with immediate and extended family [42]. Traditional holiday gatherings were canceled or transferred online. Young adults have reported the continuation of family gatherings online [43]. Recent research supports the idea that emerging adults experienced shifts in their relationships with extended family, with possibly negative repercussions. In one study, only 13% of emerging adults identified that nothing has changed in their relationship with extended family and kin [43]. Furthermore, 54% of participants in that study (n = 102) described a deterioration of those relationships, with multiple respondents voicing pessimism that their relationships would eventually rebound. There is increased awareness of the mental health costs of the pandemic, yet a discussion of how extended family fits into the overall picture has been lacking.

5. Conclusions

The results of this study build on our knowledge of family, providing new opportunities for researchers and for practitioners. For example, individual and family therapists can utilize these findings to better support their emerging adult clients. While working with emerging adults, therapists might remind clients of the protective factors of extended family members, including drawing on cousins as emotional resources through various life stages. Utilizing genograms, ecomaps, and other therapeutic tools, therapists and clients can become aware of intergenerational patterns to gain insight into family dynamics.
In cases of family ruptures, therapists may support clients in reaching out to cousins as a way to process and find belonging in the larger family system. Cousin relationships might be a source of tension for some clients but may also be a place for clients to process their difficulties with family. The cousin subsystem is unique in the family network because of the generational overlap while also being removed from the intensity of sibling relationships. As a result, the cousin network may be able to offer its members a sense of belonging in the family without the potentially complex dynamics between siblings. As emerging adults broaden their gazes and become engaged with the larger world after the more self-focused stage of adolescence, therapists may encourage clients to connect with cousins to link to a larger identity and family history.
Several limitations need to be considered when evaluating the results of this study. The data were collected in 2017, before the COVID-19 pandemic. The pandemic significantly altered family dynamics, so research using more recent data may reflect different attitudes and experiences. This study used cross-sectional self-report data from different individuals, so details about the perceptions of other family members are missing. While this design is appropriate for a qualitative study, the results cannot be considered generalizable. The dataset includes 51 emerging adults of color, representing approximately 27% of the overall sample. While these voices provide a more fulsome picture of emerging adulthood and extended family, these findings do not help us fully express the nuances of cultural differences, which is a key consideration when defining the scope and meaning of extended family. Given the current sample, it is likely to be more representative of experiences of emerging adults of European–American heritage. Future research should explore methods that intentionally highlight the extended family experiences of emerging adults racialized as young people of color. In their examination of family networks across African American, Black Caribbean, and non-Hispanic white families, Taylor et al. [44] found no differences in the frequency of receiving support, the number of family members who would provide assistance, negative interactions, or the perceived degree of family closeness. However, African American family members reported having more frequent interactions and providing more support to family. Furthermore, African American and Black Caribbean families were more likely to report having “fictive kin” relationships, defined as being unrelated legally or genetically but regarded as “kin” [44]. By highlighting and emphasizing important cultural characteristics of cousin relationships, future research can work towards moving the field beyond the traditional dominant white narratives of extended family. Other important considerations for future research include an examination of gender dynamics between cousins, geographic proximity, technological engagement such as via social media, the impact of political views on the quality of the relationship, and how different types of support align with similar life events, such as becoming parents.
The current study addresses a significant gap in the literature on family by focusing on extended family relationships, specifically cousins. The results of this study offer a new understanding of how emerging adults conceptualize their relationships with their cousins as well as the bonding and connections that can emerge from these relationships. The cousin relationship offers opportunities to give and receive multiple types of support with a trusted family member that shares the same generational position. Family therapists and practitioners can help emerging adults find benefit and strength in maintaining and growing these unique and largely overlooked relationships.

Author Contributions

Conceptualization, H.H.; methodology, H.H. and R.J.C.; software, H.H. and R.J.C.; validation, H.H. and R.J.C.; formal analysis, H.H. and R.J.C.; investigation, H.H. and R.J.C.; resources, H.H. and R.J.C.; data curation, H.H. and R.J.C.; writing—original draft preparation, H.H. and R.J.C.; writing—review and editing, H.H. and R.J.C.; visualization, H.H. and R.J.C.; supervision, H.H.; project administration, H.H.; funding acquisition, H.H. All authors have read and agreed to the published version of the manuscript.

Funding

This research was funded by the Minnesota Agricultural Experiment Station.

Institutional Review Board Statement

This study was conducted according to the guidelines of the Declaration of Helsinki and approved by the Institutional Review Board of the University of Minnesota (STUDY00001904, November 16 2017).

Informed Consent Statement

Informed consent was obtained from all subjects involved in this study.

Data Availability Statement

The raw data supporting the conclusions of this article will be made available by the authors upon request.

Conflicts of Interest

The authors declare no conflicts of interest. The funders had no role in the design of the study; in the collection, analyses, or interpretation of data; in the writing of the manuscript; or in the decision to publish the results.

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Table 1. Demographic information of participants (N = 192).
Table 1. Demographic information of participants (N = 192).
n%
Race/Ethnicity
  White13871.9
  Participants of color5126.6
  Missing31.5
Gender
  Female 12062.5
  Male 7036.5
  Nonbinary10.5
  Missing10.5
Marital status
  Single, divorced, separated, or widowed8845.9
  Married or living with partner10454.2
Employment status
  Employed full-time13268.8
  Employed part-time3920.3
  Unemployed21 10.9
Annual income
  Less than USD 25,0005528.6
  USD 25,000–USD 39,9995327.6
  USD 40,000–USD 59,9994925.5
  USD 60,000 or more3417.7
  Missing10.5
Education
  High school degree or less3015.7
  Some college7136.9
  Four-year college graduate7438.5
  Post-graduate training, e.g., master’s, Ph.D. 178.9
School status
  Enrolled in school (could be post-graduate)7338
  Not enrolled in school or on leave11962.0
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Hessel, H.; Christiansen, R.J. Close but Not Too Close? A Qualitative Study of How U.S. Emerging Adults Describe Their Cousin Relationships. Adolescents 2025, 5, 8. https://doi.org/10.3390/adolescents5010008

AMA Style

Hessel H, Christiansen RJ. Close but Not Too Close? A Qualitative Study of How U.S. Emerging Adults Describe Their Cousin Relationships. Adolescents. 2025; 5(1):8. https://doi.org/10.3390/adolescents5010008

Chicago/Turabian Style

Hessel, Heather, and Rachel J. Christiansen. 2025. "Close but Not Too Close? A Qualitative Study of How U.S. Emerging Adults Describe Their Cousin Relationships" Adolescents 5, no. 1: 8. https://doi.org/10.3390/adolescents5010008

APA Style

Hessel, H., & Christiansen, R. J. (2025). Close but Not Too Close? A Qualitative Study of How U.S. Emerging Adults Describe Their Cousin Relationships. Adolescents, 5(1), 8. https://doi.org/10.3390/adolescents5010008

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