In the chart thread last night Goose said this

Since I summarily judge the official effort insufficiently bilious, here's a quick spittle-covered screen of correction.

The fucking Mariners lost the damn game last night in the most Mariner-ey fashion ever. Yes there was tons of ineptitude to accumulate the first 25 outs, but you can look at the damn Pravda recap if you want to know about that. Let's just cut to the chase/car crash/shocking (not shocking) ending to this piece of crap.

Bottom of the ninth, Seager on first and O'Malley on third with one out. Guti at the plate. Beautiful Guti, the redeemed and the redeemer. The pheonix who emerges from the flames to fly round the bases in glory. A man you trust to put the ball deep enough to at least tie this game, and probably to win it. And what the the hell do the Mariners do? They take the fucking bat out of Guti's hands, game over.

Kyle TOOTBLANs on a not-passed ball, gets caught between the bases, and O'Malley says "Be like Kyle" and gets picked off third before they throw Kyle out at second. Guti, put down the bat, there's no place in Mariner-land for heroes.

No, I'm not going embed a damn video here. I'm leaving it out for public health reasons. You'd just tear your eyes out Oedipus style if you watch that thing. And I presume you need your eyes for something. Of course, if you did tear your eyes out you wouldn't have to see shit like this anymore.

It's like you sit down for a wonderful meal. The table is set beautifully, Chef Guti is in the kitchen and you are anticipating a glorious repast. Then the waiter who always treats you well (Kyle) and busboy (whatever) come over to the table and take a crap on your plate. Buon appetito.

When the obituary is written on this season it will say "The Mariners started the season strong but eventually uncovered their true selves. They were found dead Saturday May 28, face down in a bowl of Mariner-a sauce." Fuck you M's, why don't you win at least one game against the Twins.