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I Melt with You (2011)
4 Cowards Unable To Confront The Shame of Their Personal Choices
If you, like me, have watched the trailer for "I Melt With You" and are attracted to the allure of a philosophical tale about men confronting the harsh realities of late middle-age, think again. The trailer is a misrepresentation of the film. As a man, 42 years of age (at the time of this submission), I was enthusiastically intrigued by the premise presented in the trailer, but alas, I was misled. Instead, the film is nothing more than a romanticizing of the abuse of drugs and alcohol for the first hour and a romanticizing of suicide the second. Metaphorically speaking in a quite applicable and relevant sense, I thought I was partaking of some fine wine and discovered I was tricked into a bad acid trip.
To its credit, the film features spectacular photography and a provocative musical score, however this is extremely influential in an almost criminal way, because both are employed to glamorize ugliness and tragedy. Yeah, yeah... for those grabbing their "freedom of speech" muskets, the kind of message this film sends can be equated to some fictitious right child pornographers seek. It is destructive and it is reckless. Why? Because the film is advertised as a coming of age story and that is a blatant lie.
Four college buddies get together for their annual seven-day getaway to pop pills, snort coke, drink booze, smoke weed, pretend there exists some semblance of meaningful bond between them, pass out, then do it all over again each day. Truth is, these four guys are complete cowards, and save Christian McCay's character, are completely unlikable. The ring leader, self proclaimed MC (Thomas Jane) is a womanizing, a##h##e. Then there is the Madoff wanna-be (appropriately played by Jeremy Piven). Rob Lowe is his sleazy self as an MD who sells fake scripts on the side. Finally there is Tim (played by McCay, who reminded me of a Zach Galifianakis-iesque type personae) who was the only somewhat likable and identifiable character in the film. Actually, the only issue I had with the latter was that his homosexual orientation was so obviously and gratuitously introduced to remain PC and in reality, his three pals were the types that would have shunned and ridiculed him for being gay. (Come on, Mark Pellington, give me a break!) Like an MTV music video, the film carries along with truly effective moments of presenting the despair and dissatisfaction these four men recognize in their lives (as they continue to drink and drug themselves into oblivion), but then there is a turn for the worst when the sensitive Tim...
I don't want to commit spoiler-violation-treason here so let's just suffice to say the film continues its downward spiral from here as it attempts to glorify the most selfish of acts. Oh, and the crying and tears! I have never witnessed a film with men weeping and wailing so much and so frequently. These guys need to grab some balls and go watch 300! It was ridiculous! To watch the four grown men belly-aching and whining because of their regrets, mistakes, and doing drugs and drinking booze to hide from it (in that order) was quite frankly... disgusting. What a shame that four decent actors would partake of such rotten fruit.
The film offers no value because it was falsely marketed and it attempts to aspire to be something meaningful and profound that drugs, alcohol, and suicide will never equate to. When the credits rolled, I found myself compelled to take the same shower I took after Irreversible and Martyrs. Yep, the film is that dark, meaningless, empty, nihilistically ugly, and ultimately, pathetically shallow.
30 Minutes or Less (2011)
Eisenberg's Star Nose Dives
Rarely anymore do I find myself looking forward to a film's release with any real sincerity. 30 Minutes or Less was an exception and equally proved to be yet, another disappointment.
What happened, Jesse? I usually love your stuff. I've been a fan since Rodger Dodger. Your scene with Elizabeth Berkley and Jennifer Beals was one of THE most sexually and amazingly charged scenes I've seen on film to date. Usually you so adeptly merge your style and unique attributes with those of your characters. So many times, it has been solely you that has kept otherwise sinking ships adrift (i.e. Cursed, Adventureland). You won 2011 Best Actor hands-down, well deserved.
But man, I don't get it... This time, it was as if you had your mind on other things. Forgive me for saying so, but your performance reminded me of a preoccupied, constipated, Gary Oldman-style Dracula. Hey, just calling it like it is. Right out of the shoot I felt a wave of confusion when you attempted this tough-guy personae racing carelessly through the streets with this apathetic, f-you energy that was so-not your vibe. But it was when you went "live" that you transformed into this spineless jellyfish of a wet-your-panties, whiny, little b***h that was so nauseatingly unlikable I found myself keeping my fingers crossed that the film would take some unprecedented leap at originality and you would blow up in 30 Minutes or Less. Your acting in this, usually flawless, came across so canned and unrehearsed.
Now maybe, just maybe this was all intentional to take a back seat in effort to open the door wider for Aziz Ansari. If it was, then you're a genius, because you generously allowed him the show. This time, ironically, another actor saved an otherwise sinking ship.
Whatever happened, please don't let it happen again. We need your brilliance. There are too many Barbie and Ken dolls out there as your so-called peers. We need genuine actors and actresses breathing real life into their characters.
That's all I got.
Sucker Punch (2011)
Sin City Meets The Matrix
Sucker Punch plays out like a video game/music video, and although some of its tactics are questionable, it proves to be somewhat of a unique and wow-inspiring experience.
Young girl (20? yeah right! Try more like 17) is committed to an insane asylum by her evil, pedophile stepfather after a rape attempt goes awry and she accidentally kills her little sister. The stepfather bribes one of the orderlies to put a rush order in for her unwarranted lobotomy, but during the week-long wait for the procedure, imagination propels her into an alternate reality consumed by action-fantasy. Accompanied by a handful of hotties, she does battle with colossal demonic samurai, ferocious orc-like Nazi stormtroopers, metropolis-destined WMD's, and even a fire-breathing dragon, all the while dressed in cleavage-boasting tops and schoolgirl miniskirts. It is a teenage boys dream come true.
Not over-overwhelmingly original, the trip is fun, the effects are cool and stylish, and I really dug the backdrop tunes. But I like video game flicks and admittedly, I found myself contemplating which of my library I was going to slip into the PS3 once I got home. To that end, the film was a bit of an inspiration.
I disagreed with the PG-13 rating. Responsible parents beware. The movie is packed with strong sexual under and overtones. Now before all you anti-censorship zealots get your panties crammed into wedgies, I agree that to take away from its extremely sexy seductiveness would leave it naked and rather impotent and I am merely suggesting it should have received the R-rating it deserved. Never mind that the matinée I hit held 50+ year old men as the majority in attendance (hmmm)... This is an exploitation flick flaunting young, scantily-clad, cuties wielding swords and kicking ass while trying to escape a whorehouse. I just don't think the little kiddies should be Sucker Puch-ed. My only real exception, as is true with any film dealing with similar subject matter, is the making light of pedophilia. This movie opens disturbingly with a dirty old man about to rape a young, preteen girl. Something of that nature has no business even being insinuated or associated with ensuing images clearly intended to titillate and peak the libido.
Red Riding Hood (2011)
Refund Worthy
Red Riding Hood is so ridiculously pathetic on so many levels that I find it difficult to separate and itemize each attribute which contributes to that statement in any concrete and specific fashion. It is awful to its core. It wreaks! Gary Oldman took the cake, though, with his typical overacting and apparent attempt to reprise his Dracula role which ruined Coppola's 1992 remake. Hey Gary, why the thick and phony accent? Didn't you notice none of the rest of the cast even bothered? No troll here. I forked out $50 for a couple of my kids and I to go see this joke and it was my choice. I wasn't expecting Oscar material and I figured it would have a Twilight-type storyline. I'm usually able to find something positive in any flick. Hell, I even surprisingly found the Justin Beiber "Never Say Never" film to be somewhat enjoyable (which eerily enough currently holds a one-star average on IMDb whilst this soft and sloppy piece of dung has five.) If I could have achieved it without embarrassing the kids, I would have walked out and requested my money back. Honestly, folks, it was that bad and I grew up as a teen in the 80's and that decade farted out some real doozies...
Just like everyone, I believe in guilty pleasures and movies so bad you can't help but like them... But unlike those, this takes itself seriously and that is both worrisome and frightening. However, what is even more concerning is that so many movie-goers actually attempt to courageously defend and recommend it. There is definitely something toxic and mentally debilitating in the public water system.
The Losers (2010)
Just as most reviews are describing...
Hadn't heard of it and knew even less about it when I saw The Losers and I just had a blast! It was a movie for guys who like movies with its mean action and a constant humorous undertone that stays in stride with the tempo of the film. It was hot chix, cool tricks, and explosives throughout.
I didn't dig the slow-mo too much, though. That John Woo stuff just rubs me the wrong way and I find it so pretentiously distracting! ugh.
But beyond that... if you want an entertaining "don't need to think about it flick", The Losers generously provides. If you're looking for something to stick with you to puzzle upon or stimulate you intellectually, search elsewhere.
Halloween II (2009)
Rob Zombie Makes Uwe Boll Shine
At first I was flat-out infuriated by this film. I've never been infuriated by a film. Disappointed, sure, but never angry. Then I realized something. Rob Zombie doesn't give a hoot about how he has aborted a legendary horror franchise. He cares about only two things: further projecting his ugly, misogynistic view of the world on screen and making as much money as possible doing it. He has no imagination nor even the slightest sense of originality. The characters in his films are all the same. Men are portrayed as misogynistic, white trash and women are trivialized as foul-mouthed sluts. He even whores out his own wife. So the thing is, we shouldn't be angry with Zombie. He has established what we can always expect from him
garbage. Nope, we should be angry with Dimension Films for what they allowed him to do to the Halloween name, but even more, we should be angry with the folks out there who actually enjoy this type of abomination and lap it up at the trough.
Dead Air (2009)
Great Idea Pathetic Film
The idea behind Dead Silence is great: zombie outbreak takes place during an edgy paranoia radio talk show. There was so much going for this film. Unfortunately, as soon as the zombies made their appearance, all was lost.
The film is ridiculous and only those with a passion for cheesy, b-flick horror will enjoy it. The zombies were soooo stupid! They ran around flailing their arms. They looked like a bunch of people putting on a haunted house for elementary students.
I know this is a brief review, but I just don't see the need to invest much into this. It's a dumb movie. You've been warned.
Brick (2005)
A Children's Rendition of Shakespeare's Mollasses
Really I need only describe Brick in one sentence in order to establish how pathetically self important and obnoxiously awful Brick is: Lukas Haas plays a high school drug lord chauffeured around in a minivan sitting in the back under the light of his mother's living room wood based lamp.
Listen, I get it. It's supposed to be film noir. I understand the intent, but it is just so insanely miserable. It reminded me of 9th grade in mean old Mrs. Ketterer's's English class when we all took turns reading from Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet. Everything is life or death important when you are a kid and the kids starring in this film are no exception. This was potentially their big break, but what kid uses the word "sap" to insult his peer? The dialogue was so ridiculously pretentious. Ugh!
Don't let 'em try and convince you that only a true connoisseur of film can appreciate Brick. Trust your better judgment and go with your gut. It is a stupid, stupid movie with a script that is about as fitting as King Kong's love scene on ice in Peter Jackson's atrocity. Don't be suckered in by the ranking as a cult classic. Plan 9 From Outer Space is considered a cult classic, but that doesn't make it any good either.
The Echo (2008)
Some Genuine Creepiness In This One
The Echo had a handful of scenes with an uncomfortable creepiness akin to classic J-Horror. Rarely do I reach for the remote anymore having experienced most every range of horror film out there, but this one seeped under my skin and had me on edge more than twice. And it is that sort of unsettling moodiness combined with frights you hafta' be paying attention to catch. You know, the kind where after they've come and gone you must back em up for a second take. Truly those "WTF" type instances.
Jesse Bradford plays Bobby, a twenty something recently released from prison after doing a stint for killing a guy who attempted to rape his HOT girlfriend (played by Ameiia Warner) in a restroom. Having nowhere else to go, he heads back to the ol' East Village NYC neighborhood. Mom has died a spooky death from starvation, he learns, when he moves in to her old apartment. There's bloody fingernails on the piano keys and rumbles in the walls and a mean-looking cop next door who enjoys beating his wife and little girl. Bobby starts to see things, though, and these things aren't making any sense and they're a bit ghastly to boot. It's when Bobby decides he can no longer put up with the abuse he is overhearing next door and reports it to the cops, only to have them respond to a completely vacant apartment next door, that things go from odd to friggin' strange.
Bobby's apartment reminded me a lot of the apartment in the game Silent Hill 4: The Room with its eerily watered down dingy browns and rusts. There are holes in the peeling plaster walls and everything gives off the mood of worn and filthy. It's a truly lonely place that flattened my spirits each time Bobby returned home.
The Echo is not without its disappointments and inconsistencies which converge on a far too abrupt ending that leaves the viewer feeling a bit jipped. Oh well, though. It is a decently freaky ride getting there.
Lost Signal (2006)
Lost Cause
Every once in a while, well these days more often than not, there comes along a flick so bad that after struggling through it, I feel compelled to sit down here and warn people against it. Dead of Winter aka Lost Signal is such a flick. It is so bad on so many levels that it seems a crime to invest in its 104 minutes. Wretchedly ridiculous, I found myself watching the clock with my finger hovering over the fast forward button like it was the trigger and the remote was some gun to end my suffering, my eyes glazed over frostbitten by boredom.
Kevin (Al Santos) and Tiffany (Sandra McCoy) are a young couple making the foolish plunge to move in together. On a New Year's Eve, as if to christen the event, Kevin talks Tiffany into snorting some meth followed by a shot of liqueur. When Kevin catches his pusher making moves on Tiff, he and Tiff leave the party abruptly. Before long, it becomes evident that the liqueur was laced with a hallucinogen of some sort and Kevin and Tiff begin to trip out in the woods suspecting someone is after them to do some harm.
Sounds intriguing enough, doesn't it? Well, don't be seduced to the lousy side with this one. Right from the start, you cannot help but despise Kevin. He's rude to Tiff's father. He's a piece of garbage for pushing meth, of all drugs, on his girlfriend, and he is the most pathetic Jack Nicholson wanna-be to ever violate celluloid. He even takes off running from perceived danger leaving his lady far behind in the freezing snow.
Dead of Winter, like so many B-horror releases in recent years, feels like some failed film school project. It's just a dumb movie that insults the viewer's intelligence by taking itself seriously. It was just so stupid!
For Sale by Owner (2009)
Great Supporting Cast Cannot Save Scott Cooper
A supporting cast consisting of Tom Skerrit, Tom Bower, Joanna Cassidy, Kris Kristofferson, Frankie Faison, and Rachel Nichols made For Sale By Owner appear to be very promising indeed, and each of these stars put in decent performances albeit all fairly small in this low budget flick. Unfortunately, from the start, Scott Cooper's abominable acting and scripting proved nothing could salvage this debacle.
The Ronoake legend is one that has received a fair amount of play the past few years in films and the mystery surrounding the disappearance of the 16th Century British colony is the backdrop once again here in this discombobulated tale. Father to be, Will Custis (Cooper) decides to purchase a dilapidated old Virginian home to partake in some historic renovation. When he discovers an old antique cross and a strange mural painted on the wall in the basement, things get a bit quirky. His wife (Nichols) doesn't dig the house and wants to call it quits and his father in law (Skerrit) wants to steal the credit for what could be an historic archaeological discovery. Top it off with ghosts apparently running around.
The film travels in a multitude of directions that lead nowhere and concludes with an absolutely ridiculous ending all in an effort to tie up all the loose strings. It's bad. However, it would not have been so lousy had it not been for Cooper who portrays a character so obnoxiously uninteresting I almost gave into the taboo temptation of hitting the stop button.
Anna? Anna? Anna?
New World Order (2009)
Lousy Film Courageous Topic
New World Order is a disappointing, incoherent conglomerate of footage, mostly that of egomaniac and alleged CIA shill Alex Jones doing his notorious and anti-climactic ranting and raving pertaining to the common belief that there is a sinister and malevolent conspiracy being perpetrated against our world by the global elite to create a centralized one world government. While there is overwhelming evidence to suggest that leaders of various governments are involved in such a plan, this film is not even remotely an effective vehicle to communicate and effectively support such an idea.
What begins with an amateurish analysis of the Kennedy assassination turns to weak and sparse information regarding the 911 Truth movement as communicated by a handful of mostly unknowns. Aside from Jones' laughable "performance", the other activists featured appear to be well-meaning and passionate about their cause and dissemination of their beliefs, albeit in an apparently poorly organized fashion.
Jones, however, steals any value to the cause by pointing at every other vehicle traveling behind him or person walking in his direction accusing them of being Secret Service or some CIA "spook". When he is not being an embarrassment to himself and the cause he "claims" to support with a bullhorn, he's seen followed by his bewildered entourage going here and there polluting each event he takes part in. At one point he is seen arrested in NYC at a 911 rally. What a shame that they didn't keep him in jail.
New World Order does nothing but damage the credibility of a pertinent and intelligent movement to get the word out. It portrays activists as Conspiracy theorists indirectly by featuring footage that is more damning than helpful. Please don't base your opinions on the possible existence of a NWO conspiracy on this film. Do your own research and trust your gut to determine the truth. Don't give this film 10 stars just because you agree with its premise or they will continue to create sub-par ineffective films.
The ending, I thought by the way, was very effective at portraying the despair a lot of us feel about this war on our rights. I applaud the activists in this film for their passion. I hope they will wake up and dump Jones as their leader.
New World Order's intent is confused. What appears to be the director's intent is to make a film about conspiracy theorists. However what emerges is a hodgepodge of puzzle pieces belonging to different puzzles. Essentially, New World Order does not know what it wants to be when it grows up.
Undead (2003)
Insane
Undead is for zombie lovers or at least those zombie lovers on an acid trip. It is one of the craziest flicks I have ever seen. Admittedly, there was a juncture about two-thirds in where I almost turned it off, shaking my head at its absurdity, but I didn't and I am glad for it.
Meteorites shower an Australian town converting the majority of its folks into flesh (and gooey brain) eating zombies. Amidst acid rain, a select few are saved by the local alien-abducted nutcase who has prepared an arsenal in anticipation of the end of the world. Armed and amusingly un-ready, the group tries to escape their situation only to discover all is not what it seems.
Undead makes you sick (try the zombie who trips over his own discarded stomach). Undead makes you laugh. Undead has you shaking your fist in the air (cheering on Marion and his triple-barreled shotgun) yelling "Kick some zombie ass!" Undead pisses you off. Undead leaves you puzzled. Undead does not relent. Peculiar as it may be, I loved it.
Carriers (2009)
Frightening In Its Timing
We are warned that the rules are simple: 1. Avoid populated areas at all costs. 2. If you come in contact with other people, assume they have it. 3. The virus can survive on surfaces up to 24 hours so never touch anything that is not disinfected. 4. The sick are already dead and they cannot be saved. Easy enough, huh?
A deadly avian flu pandemic has swept across the country leaving a multitude of bodies in its wake. Two bothers, Danny and Brian, along with their female companions, Bobby and Kate, are making a beeline across country to the west coast where they hope to find solace from a world in rotting decay. It's along the way, however, that they are confronted with their worst horrors: making moral choices in a world void of conscience.
If loving your loved ones meant cracking the seal and becoming vulnerable to a diseased death, could you do it or would you opt for life and cast those you hold dear aside? At first take, the question seems like a no-brainer, however Carriers complicates the question in an uncomfortable manner. It's a game of fetch and flinch in a dog eat dog world.
An unnerving and powerful film, Carriers is not legendary, but it does leave a nasty bite... That is, if you begin to dwell too long on its suggestions. It is timely in its sting, what with H1N1 and bird flu and evils scarcely whispered behind closed doors away from the prying lick of government ears. My only major complaint is its rather relatively short length. I wish it would have "digressed" deeper.
Paranormal Activity (2007)
The Paranormal Activity is in the ratings...
Ten years ago, two guys, Daniel Myrick and Eduardo Sanchez, put together a scary little film on a peanut-shell budget and utilized the still-fledgling Internet to create a seemingly "paranormal" phenomenon which became known as The Blair Witch Project. The film was shot from a first person perspective of an amateur film crew out to investigate "paranormal activity" stemming from a spooky little backwoods legend. The effects were simple, yet spine-chillingly effective and many folks began re-thinking the whole camping idea. It was an amazingly original idea and to this day, I still consider the film and its marketing campaign a work of genius. It was something new and without a doubt, prompted the whole "reality" scene we are all too familiar with today.
Now, fast forward to present day and we have been shelled with a film which attempts to capitalize on all the elements that made Blair effective. This time, however, the gimmicks are a mere hodgepodge of unoriginality from its shallow introduction of the protagonists to the dragging around on the floor REC (Quarantine) style, to the open-ended questions that are meant to linger in our minds when the final credits role. To boot, there is this very suspicious marketing campaign that borders on the edge of unethical where screenings and online reviews more than likely have been staged by greedy film execs to hype up that which just isn't worthy of the hype. Let's see
we have shadows, doors opening and closing, chandeliers swinging, sinister voices, and a whole lota' screams from the female lead. We even have a Ouija board. I am not kidding. They are pulling all the stops on all the haunted house gags this time. I found myself wondering when Abbott and Costello were going to run through the room chased by a dangling skeleton. The most fun you might have watching this little venture is if you bring along a pad and pen and jot down which film each of the overplayed "scares" are stolen from. Then, however, you still are forced to endure the most boring of sequences to make it to the next evening all the while dismissing all logic to believe a couple would even remain in this haunted house.
Frankly, I am very disappointed. I had hoped for a fun and scary ride with Paranormal Activity but it turned out to be nothing more than pretentious in an annoying sort of way. What is most "disturbing" is this clatter and clang of borderline heresy I keep hearing that suggests Paranormal Activity gauges up there with films such as The Exorcist. If you can look me in the eye and keep a straight face while trying to convince me that such fear can be derived here, I will most certainly wince with a disgusted perplexity and reply, "Surely you jest..."
Crush (2009)
Woulda Coulda Shoulda
Crush had enough going for it that it could have been a decent and original femme fatale film with its supernatural spin. Unfortunately, despite the rave reviews, it's a very limp flick.
Julian (played by Heath Ledger/Ryan Phillippe wanna-be Christopher Egan) has a lot going for him; a scholarship studying architecture, a loving girlfriend, and a blossoming martial arts hobby. When he agrees to house sit an upscale home in suburban Australia, he meets Anna (Emma Lung) and decides to put it all on the line by bedding her down. Of course it is no surprise that when Julian tries to have his cake and eat it too, Anna isn't too keen on the idea wanting him all to herself.
Sound familiar? Well it is. Where it had the potential to be frightening it fails comically. Part of its problem is that Egan's acting is so shallow the audience doesn't give two hoots for the guy and his self imposed peril. In fact, I found myself cheering for the villain, actually sympathizing with her that she would desire such a twit.
Spare yourself some grief and rent Fatal Attraction. Even if you have already seen it, a second or even third viewing will be far more engaging than this fodder.
Long Weekend (2008)
Unnerving and fantastic!
Sometimes I find myself doing a double-take when I read film reviews on IMDb.com. I gauge the stars and ponder the reviews usually basing my decision whether to see the film upon them. Man, am I glad I went against the grain with Long Weekend. Frankly, I am surprised by the contrast between my opinion and the average and I don't usually even care much for man against nature thrillers.
First, let's clear the air. This film is indeed a horror film. Granted there are no chainsaws or neanderthals in hockey masks. There is no torture porn, cannibalism, or any of that other run-of-the-mill garbage they call horror these days. Oh, and yeah, it does slowly simmer to a boil which probably ticks off those with short attention spans. However, this film delivers the chills and the pay-off is worth the time invested.
Peter (James Caviezel) and Carla (Claudia Karvan) are a feuding couple one step away from divorce who head towards a secluded Australian beach on a camping trip. The common thread is a disrespect for nature which comes back to haunt them. While Peter is shooting haphazardly at anything that moves with his father's old rifle, Carla is spraying ants and breaking eagles' eggs. Mother Nature finally loses her patience and reminds the two who is boss.
Now I know that sounds like an all too familiar plot, but in Long Weekend the formulas work and you can't help but find yourself feeling the dread that slowly envelopes Peter and Carla as they begin to realize they are not welcome.
If, like me, you're tired of the Saws and backwoods inbreds chowing down on idiot teens, give Long Weekend a chance. You'll be pleasantly surprised and glad you did.
Pandorum (2009)
Aliens Meets The Descent
Although not particularly original and far too short on plot development to grow healthy roots, Sci-Fi horror fans should find Pandorum "meaty" enough for a satisfying fast-film bite.
Payton (Dennis Quaid) and Bower (Ben Foster) awake from a several-year slumber aboard their starship. Both suffering from hyper sleep-induced short term amnesia, Payton mans the com as Bower descends within the bowels of the ship to restore power. Along the way, Bower finds himself the preferred delicacy of tribal mutants while Payton deals with a psychotic crew member. Sorry, but that's all I'm gonna' tell you.
Reminiscent of several films including Aliens, The Descent, and Event Horizon, to name a few, Pandorum is not unique. However it is rather entertaining and maintains a fairly unsettling atmosphere. What I did find refreshing is that there are no gimmicky characters oh-so-common in many like films such as the ridiculous little girl in Aliens. Ugh! Nope. All serious here folks and if you want blood, you get that, too.
What disappoints me is the film's seemingly short time span. Albeit it runs an average hour and forty-minutes, the plot development is rushed haphazardly and the characters are shallow and expendable. But if you're in the mood for a rainy day boost, Pandorum might just be your Pandora's Box.
Gigante (2009)
Lonely Obsession
Set in Montevideo, Uruguay, Gigante carefully unravels the story of Jara, a heavy metal-loving, lionhearted security guard who works the graveyard shift at a grocery store. As he fights the boredom and monotony of a job monitoring the store via surveillance cameras, he begins to fall for a janitor named Julia. Too shy to approach her, Jara dotes over her from afar following her to and fro around town. When he begins to gain the courage to make contact, competition rolls in.
I knew nothing about Gigante when I began to watch it other than what the short plot summary on IMDb.com describes. The tempo of the film is a bit slower, but steady and the unknowing of what lies around each corner snagged me in and held my attention through-out. It was easy to relate to Jara, a very likable character, and the agony of his obsession for Julia and one cannot help but develop a fondness for her as Jara becomes more and more familiar with her.
Gigante isn't for everyone, but if you have ever become enamored with someone, but lacked the self confidence to act on it, I think you will appreciate this film.
Surveillance (2008)
Predictable and Flat
Within the first fifteen minutes the mystery of the film "Surveillance" is solved. Unfortunately, I don't think that was the intent of its director, Jennifer Chambers Lynch.
Two FBI agents (Bill Pullman and Julia Ormond) arrive at a remote rural police station to investigate several violent murders and interrogate three suspect/witnesses. Before long, it becomes apparent that each witness may not be completely forthcoming with all they know and all they have done.
The only memorable characters in the film are, unsurprisingly, Pullman and Ormond, yet their performances are of lesser success in comparison to many of their others. In addition, I am looking forward to the end of "in your face" violence, although I don't see its end anytime in the near future.
Boxing Helena (1993)
Perversely Uneventful
My only recommendation for seeing "Boxing Helena" is for the short scenes flaunting Nicolette Scorsese. Director Jennifer Chambers Lynch should thank me for my saying so, because upon many a heterosexual male once reading that and remembering Nicolette from her role as the gorgeous lingerie saleswoman in "Christmas Vacation", there should be a spike in "Boxing Helena" rentals/purchases.
Julian Sands plays a physician who is obsessed with Sherilyn Fenn, an ex-lover. Fenn doesn't dig him too much, however. When she suffers a terrible accident, Sands goes to town with her extremities and she is left a captive at his mercy.
"Boxing Helena" is depressing, uneventful, morbidly perverse in a boring sort of way, and ultimately an unmemorable waste of time. This, for me, was the turning point for Julian Sands where his career took a nose dive. In my opinion, it did little for Fenn's struggling career either, which has never seemed to completely lift off the ground.
Taken (2008)
A Breath of Fresh Air
How wonderful it would be if "Taken" was a standard, an average type film, that all films today were measured by. Instead, "Taken" turns out to be a great film in comparison to the majority of the crap released these days. Thank you, Mr. Pierre Morel, for the breath of fresh air!
Liam Neeson adeptly portrays an ex-CIA operative who has retired in order to make up for lost time with his teenage daughter. When, while vacationing in Paris, she and her friend are abducted into the international sex trade, Neeson pulls all the stops and calls upon all his resources and skills in order to locate and save her.
"Taken" is exciting in a "Quantum of Solace" James Bond sort of way. Neeson proves, once again, his diversity as an actor. Bravo!
The Entrance (2006)
So Much Potential Yet Crashes Hard, Did They Run Out of Money?
The beginning scenes of "The Entrance" had me optimistic that the film was heading in an unique and frightening direction. Talk about a teasing let down! The flick opens with a terrified man (Michael Eklund, an Ethan Hawk look alike) fleeing from a demon in a deserted parking garage. He escapes and the next thing we know he's yacking with the cops unraveling some ado about being kidnapped and taken to a dark room where he and others sharing his plight are forced to play games. The losers of these games are subjected to 8mm black and white memories of egregious sins they have committed. Then, one by one, each is violently vanquished from the company of the others. The cop conducting the interrogation (Sarah-Jane Redmond) doesn't buy into it. Once she leaves the room to grab him a drink of water he vanishes. She calls it a night and takes off in her car only to get accosted by the guy at knife point who then demands she drive him back to the parking garage claiming, "They took something from me and you are going to help me get it back!" Excited to check this one out? Don't be, 'cuz the film goes absolutely nowhere ending abruptly at 80 minutes in length and useless. Throughout the tale, some attempt at drawing a correlation between the above and the exorcism of a 17th century nun fails to explain itself and what we are left with is a "WTF-There's an hour and twenty minutes of my life I will never get back!" Seriously, the film had tremendous potential and some unnerving visuals. I suspect finances fell short and creativity was sacrificed for a deadline. Disappointing.
The Ring (2002)
Scared the HELL outa' me!
There are thrillers that vacate your thoughts as soon as the credits roll and then there are thrillers that sink deep into your subconscious and remain with you for days, weeks, months... dare I say years after the credits roll. "The Ring" takes its rightful throne in the latter category.
When her niece dies a gruesome death, journalist Rachael Kellers (Naomi Watts) investigation leads her to a mysterious videotape. As soon as she views the tape the phone rings and a malevolent child's voice warns "seven days". When she rings her old boyfriend into watching the tape and their young son decides to have a peek too, thus begins their desperate search for the truth.
"The Ring" scared me. It scared me for weeks. I unashamedly admit that I slept with the light on and moved the TV out of my bedroom. I have one word for you. Samara.
Mirrors (2008)
Compelling Premise Turns To Ridiculous Cliché
There are five truths made evident in the film Mirrors. First, mirrors, with imagination, can be wielded with quite frightening results. Second, Kiefer Sutherland, unlike his father, cannot act. Third, Paula Patton has a gorgeous rack. Fourth, the whole psychiatric hospital in horror films concept has been done and over done. Fifth, Mirrors had the potential to reach top shelf thriller status but turns to stone glaring into its own reflection and topples recklessly to the ground.
Sutherland plays Ben Carson, an ex-cop who finds work as a night watchman for an old, burned up Bloomingdale's-like department store. Carson soon discovers that there exists a malevolent, supernatural presence in the mirrors of the building. As he attempts to unravel the mystery behind the occupant of the mirrors, he realizes that his family becomes increasingly endangered and all dear to him will perish if the mystery continues to go another day unsolved.
Despite Sutherland's inability to portray a believable character, the first two-thirds of the film succeeds in some decent spookiness. Unfortunately, the taut premise quickly unravels during the last 15-20 minutes, disappointingly so, becoming a "The Haunting" look-alike.