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stemal-1
I was an active user but won't be contributing to the site again.
Reviews
Private Eyes (2016)
Bandwagon
I'm not jumping on the 'Castle-lite' bandwagon. Had IMDb not killed the forums, you'd see that I started it after episode 1 of season 1 screened.
In fact Private Eyes makes Castle look like a gritty police procedural, and without the charm of Nathan Fillion to help it along. I had it down as a cert to be cancelled after one season.
But it wasn't, and I'm happy about that. It was and still is an entertaining and undemanding watch. It knows its place and that it will get a loyal audience.
A word of caution to the team behind the show. Learn from Castle. The two leads must never get together.
Celebrity Masterchef (2006)
Celebrity Masterchef. 2016 v. 2008
I only started watching Celebrity Masterchef about three years ago but look forward to it as a kind of background entertainment.
However, as with most TV of this genre nowadays, the whole thing is needlessly dragged out to fill the schedules.
This became more evident when I watched an old series from 2008. In those days it was almost breathless in its urgency. Stripped to the bone, nothing but the tasks. For example episode 1 (60 minutes) managed to cover two sets of celebs doing three tests. In 2016 this would have been stretched over two nights and probably taking at least 120 minutes to do the same job.
This isn't a criticism of Masterchef, more a general moan about what we have grown used to accepting in 2016 compared to just a few years ago.
At least Masterchef is on the BBC so we don't have to endure the endless recaps and 'coming ups' that you get on the commercial channels.
247°F (2011)
Don't expect fireworks
An intriguing idea for a film whose claustrophobic set-up appealed, let alone the more obvious danger facing our protagonists.
Made by the people behind one of my 2015 Top 20 films, Landmine Goes Click.
What can go wrong? Actually not that much technically, but still a terrible waste of a good idea.
It manages to turn the premise of three people stuck in a sauna trying to avoid melting into an incredibly dull and uninvolving experience. There is little tension generated and it's hard to care about these people.
The short prelude promises something interesting that goes nowhere. The Wade red herring was a predictable but welcome distraction until it was resolved way too soon and with zero audience satisfaction. Seemed very much an afterthought.
Overall this is an OK time-waster. My enjoyment nosedived as time wore on, but it's not the worst way to spend 90 minutes.
Crimson Peak (2015)
A story with ghosts in it.
A reasonably entertaining two hours (better if trimmed by 20/30 minutes) and lovely to look at, as you'd expect from the director.
But what was it trying to be? As Edith says when she's hawking around her novel, this isn't a ghost story but a story with ghosts in it. The ghosts mainly served only to provide clues and move the plot along. If the aim was to scare, Crimson Peak missed its target by a mile.
So that leaves us with the core story, which was probably old-hat when my granddad was still a kid.
This is a personal indicator but I'll tell you anyway. My wife isn't a big film fan, she just can't sit still for two hours. But she sometimes comes in when I'm watching something and after a few minutes she'll ask what it's called - a giveaway that she's gripped. Crimson Peak ticked all the boxes for her; ghosts, costumes, a big house in England. She gave it ten minutes and went back out without a word.
I did like Crimson Peak while I was watching it, and that's why I've given it a possibly generous 7/10. But, as soon as it ends, you can't help but feel guilty about enjoying what is an insubstantial piece of work.
Creep (2014)
Almost good
A decent film in which mumblecore enlivens the tired camera footage genre.
You're never quite sure where this film is going, which propels it along its short running time.
It was very low-key, and the better for it. I've seen reviews that refer to cheap jump scares. That wasn't the film I saw. In fact it seemed to delight in not putting in sudden shocks when you were waiting for them. There was a gratuitous one towards the end, but the makers were entitled to that one after their earlier self control.
If you're still with me, now the reason for the spoiler alert. Despite the attempt at ambiguity and mystery, it ends up going exactly where you thought it would go from about 3 minutes in.
I'm being slightly harsh on a film I enjoyed because the outcome didn't wow me. Worth watching though.
The Face of an Angel (2014)
Truly 'The Face Of An Angel'
Michael Winterbottom has a track record of telling stories in a different and interesting way. He adapted, along with long-time collaborator Frank Cottrell Boyce, the apparently unreadable novel Tristram Shandy into the outstanding 'A Cock And Bull Story'. This was after his novel approach to telling the story of Manchester music guru Tony Wilson in '24 Hour Party People'.
So you know not to expect a straightforward telling of the Meredith Kercher tragedy, or a proposed solution to what actually happened. Instead Mr Winterbottom concentrates on a director's artistic dilemmas in trying to make a film about the story.
An admirable intention, but unfortunately this film is more interesting when it is just telling the basic story from the viewpoint of the media covering it. I had high hopes forty minutes in that I would be starting my list of 'great Michael Winterbottom films not starring Steve Coogan.'
But it starts to drag and becomes less focused. The Dante references were lost on me I'm afraid, and they seemed to become increasingly important.
I'm a shallow guy, and I sometimes measure how much I've enjoyed a film by when I first look at my watch. I didn't look at my watch during 'Face Of An Angel', but I guessed a running time of well over 120 minutes and was surprised it was only 100.
A decent film, but could have been more. I did like the end though, and the poignant significance it gave to the title.
RIP Meredith Kercher.
Shame the Devil (2013)
Tell the truth
Paul Tanter hasn't got a great CV. In fact it reads like a list of crimes against British Cinema.
So it pains me to say that Shame The Devil isn't truly terrible. Its ideas aren't original, but to condemn it as Saw-lite is unfair. The influence of Saw and Seven is clear, not that there's anything wrong with that. I'd be surprised if anyone could point me towards an original serial killer movie made in the last 10 years.
There are many ridiculous moments. A favourite was when a character hands over a note he has received from the killer - 'I think he could be sending us a message.' Another was when the cop from London is in the presumably yet-to-have-internet-access city of New York, and he phones his partner in London to ask him to google something for him. Then there's the pointless Transatlantic commuting.
And the end. Because my fast forward doesn't work, I had to watch 40 minutes again to find out who the hell Victor was!
Yes, it wasn't original, I laughed in the wrong places and the end made me want to kick the cat. But it kept me watching, and I didn't look once to see how long was left. I'd have gone 5 if it hadn't been for the lazy way the mystery was wrapped up.
La doppia ora (2009)
Ultimately, so disappointing
The first 60 minutes of The Double Hour were spellbinding. I knew next to nothing about the plot and so was gripped by the twists. It wrong-foots the viewer at every turn and compels you to continually revise your expectation of who's doing what to who, and why. You can't help but get involved with the character of Sonia, a magnetic performance from Kseniya Rappoport
Then, about an hour in, something happens that killed the film from then on for me. It slowly limped to its conclusion over the next half hour with little to match what had gone before.
And that's my main gripe. If this had been a mediocre film throughout I would not have bothered posting a review. I see enough of them that it's not worth 10 minutes of my time to comment on OK films.
The Double Hour sustained the promise of being great for a long time, and that wasted opportunity possibly unduly affected my overall view of the film. I suppose it sounds as though I'm saying I'd rather watch a completely average film than one that is two thirds great. Of course I wouldn't. But the plot device and the dull way in which The Double Hour plays out from then on makes it a frustrating experience.
Poker Night (2014)
Well worth watching.
An intriguing story, told stylishly and in an interesting way.
Add to that a cast of character actors that everyone must enjoy watching, and this couldn't really go wrong.
Saying that, it was a bit messy early on, giving the distinct impression it was going to be a headache to stick with, style over substance perhaps.
I feared the worst, but it began to fall together nicely. Despite a nagging feeling it should have been even better given the premise, it was a good-looking and enjoyable film.
And I loved the killer's flashback to his old life. A funny interlude in a generally grim movie.
I'll look forward to the writer/director's future work.
The Drop (2014)
Slow burner fails to ignite
Based on a short story. Words that, in my experience, suggest it's unlikely there's going to be sufficient story to sustain a full-length film.
And that's the case here. It's a decent movie, the performances are fine and there's an underlying sense throughout of impending violence bubbling under the surface.
But ultimately it's all a bit "is that it?". There is very little to it, promise that isn't fulfilled. Very low key. Even the people we are supposed to hate aren't particularly menacing.
Tom Hardy was great in a subdued way, but he must have been begging to be let off the leash to put just a little energy into the film.
I ended up giving this 6 when I was convinced an hour in that it would be an 8, which is why I am so disappointed with what is otherwise an OK film.
Complices (2009)
Sex in movies
I suppose I'm hypocritical in that I would happily watch a porn film, but unnecessary sex scenes and nudity in more mainstream movies annoy me.
The 'it was central to the plot' argument hardly ever holds up. But here it does. By recent standards, where it seems almost anything can be shown, the sex scenes in Complices are by no means explicit, but nonetheless the situations are still quite shocking.
Without those scenes though, there's no film. We needed to see what went on between Vincent, Rebecca and the others, unpleasant as it may have seemed to us.
My only gripe is that Rebecca's willingness to turn to the dark side seemed a bit sudden, although I understand her motivation.
A sad but gripping love story, wonderfully acted and cleverly told.
Les salauds (2013)
Entertainingly depressing
A slow paced film, a simple plot and an unsatisfying ending for what is ultimately a 'seen it all before' revenge story. The ingredients for a film tailor made for me to hate.
But somehow it worked. Yes, there's not much to it, more atmosphere than story, but it gripped me throughout.
An indication of how much I'm enjoying a film is the first time I check how long is left. I didn't do that at all during Les Salauds.
It's terribly dark and downbeat, and don't imagine things will turn out how you might expect or want them to. But if you're OK with that, and have some patience, this is worth seeking out.
El cuerpo (2012)
Build-up v Ending
Although enjoyable as an old-fashioned thriller, The Body (El Cuerpo) ultimately disappoints.
Overall it's a good watch. OK, it takes almost two hours to tell a slim story, but you don't lose interest.
The problem was that it spent far too much of those two hours telling a fairly predictable tale before speeding through a satisfying explanation.
It might be that I found the ending rushed because of the fast cuts and subtitles. But it would have deserved another star with a slightly tighter build up and more time for the wrapping-up.
Wolf Creek 2 (2013)
Better than it should have been
Like most people, I loved Wolf Creek. It introduced us to Mick Taylor, a terrifyingly 'normal' villain that you could imagine coming across, if you were very unlucky.
I didn't see what a sequel could add, other than more of the same.
It lacks the slow build-up to the horrifying climax of Wolf Creek, choosing instead to jump into the gore early on. I suppose that Greg McLean couldn't really take a leisurely approach again, now we all know Mick is a psycho who kills tourists.
The violence is a bit OTT, and I'm afraid I laughed at the kangaroo scene. Mick has turned into a Freddie Krueger type, always with a quip about the carnage he has caused, and that's a great pity. It negates the quiet menace he generated in the first film.
That said, the film was a pleasant surprise. It looks great (although my baby grandson could probably point a camera at that remarkable landscape to the same effect). It was tense, the performances were good, and John Jarrett as Mick clearly had a ball with his role. I loved the final showdown, particularly the quiz. Although I don't think the end was consistent with Mick's previous behaviour.
No Wolf Creek 3 though please. Mick's character has nowhere to go other than becoming even more of a cartoon villain. We get it now, his motivation has been explained, and he's an unstoppable killer. I hope I'm not having to decide whether to watch Wolf Creek 6 on the Horror Channel in ten years time.
Locker 13 (2014)
Oh so near
I've been a sucker for anthology movies since the Amicus horrors of the 60s and 70s (sadly I'm old enough to have seen Tales From The Crypt and Asylum on 'the big screen'), so the synopsis of a little movie called Locker 13 greatly appealed to me.
This is so nearly a great film of its type. All the stories are gripping, the wraparound included. Good dialogue and solid acting from some recognisable faces.
Unfortunately, short stories for me also need a satisfying payoff. And this is where Locker 13 falls down. After interesting build-ups, most of them left me thinking, "is that it?"
One memorable ending would have earned it a 7, but just a 6 for me. Certainly worth watching though.
Bloody Homecoming (2013)
Kim Newman, I trusted you!
In the UK, and probably further afield, Kim Newman is known as an expert on the horror/slasher genre. His book 'Nightmare Movies' is a classic. And his video dungeon column in Empire magazine has pointed me in the direction of many films I would have missed. I trust his judgement implicitly.
Unfortunately this month he (sort of) praised this film, although admittedly it was in comparison to another. Sorry Kim, but I didn't get the point of this film at all.
It was played straight, it wasn't a parody of 80s slashers although it freely stole the clichés of movies of the era, it didn't have any twist on the subject, so why would anyone want to see a bad 80s film made in 2012?
There has been a defence of this film on the basis that the victims were sympathetic and not a**holes you want to see killed. But when the acting is this bad, every character in it lived way too long for my liking.
Decent whodunnit? I don't think so. You'll know early on, even though a proper whodunnit requires at least enough clues to make an educated guess.
I'm giving it 2/10 only because I can never give a 1.
Puhdistus (2012)
Unexpectedly moving
I'll admit that this isn't the kind of film I would have watched had I known more about it. What got me interested was a review in Empire magazine's Video Dungeon column, written by Kim 'Nightmare Movies' Newman which said that this contained a Frightfest (UK horror festival) full of exploitation all in one film. He did however go on to qualify this.
Yes, there are several very uncomfortable scenes which could have been exploitative, but they were all in context over a two hour running time, and I certainly didn't expect to be almost crying by the end. The acting was superb (particularly Laura Birn in a brave role I'd imagine most actresses would kill for), and I really felt for the female characters.
Maybe 'enjoyable' or 'entertaining' are not the right words to describe such a bleak film. But it will keep you gripped, and you would have to have a heart of stone not to be moved by it. I voted it 7/10 at first, but I'll have to check whether you can change your rating, as it's now an 8 in my book.
Now You See Me (2013)
Ridiculous but also ridiculously entertaining.
Of course the premise of Now You See Me is nonsense, but I wouldn't imagine people wanting to see this are looking for gritty realism.
It's fun and I enjoyed it more than most films I've seen recently, and I watch a lot. Sometimes you just want a film you don't have to think too hard about, and this more than fits the bill.
I didn't much enjoy the action sequences, but to be fair I tend to tune out during car chases, and it has been a long time since I was 16.
It reminded me of the UK TV series Hustle, and in my book that's no bad thing. It's not art but who cares? Glossy, decent acting, intriguing story and the bonus of Melanie Laurent.
-1 though for the terrible twist and the last 10 minutes.
The Look of Love (2013)
Coogan + Winterbottom = Bronze (this time).
3 of my favourite films have been directed by Michael Winterbottom and starred Steve Coogan. A Cock And Bull Story, 24 Hour Party People and The Trip (in the UK we were lucky enough to see the full TV series, but the movie version was great as well).
This isn't as good, but still entertaining. When I was pubescent, Paul Raymond's Men Only magazine was a must-read if you could get an adult to buy it for you, and Fiona Richmond was someone you thought you might just have a chance with if you got to meet her. In short, this film meant a lot to me.
My problem with this is that it's all far too glossy. Soho in the 60/70/80's and there isn't a villain in sight and everything going on is fairly innocuous? And I really liked Paul Raymond, but to survive in that environment there must have been more to him.
Anyway, an enjoyable film overall. And I went away with that final close-up on Imogen Poots as Debbie singing the title song almost breaking my heart.
Death at a Funeral (2007)
I must apologise
Opened in the UK today and the reviews ranged from awful to great. Such a difference of opinion meant I had to see it.
There's much said about the difference between the US/UK sense of humour but personally I think, at least in TV terms, the US leaves us standing. Which is why I find it strange that people outside the UK seem to like this film.
For the benefit of US viewers, most of the cast are top notch UK actors. And you'll know that Frank Oz has made some decent films. But this is so awful it made me genuinely angry.
I stayed with it because I read that, despite a slow start, it gathers momentum into a kind of Fawlty Towers farce/comedy of errors. I was still waiting at the end. It was hard to watch, a film so awful it made me feel that somehow it was all my fault, and it was too late to do anything about it.
Its a shame that such a great character actor as Peter Vaughan (Uncle Alfie) is used in such a demeaning way. Worse still, it made the lovely Keeley Hawes look dowdy.
I had the choice of Heartbreak Kid or this crap tonight, and I'm pretty sure I went the wrong way.
The Ringer (2005)
What a waste
When I saw what this film was about, and the Farrelly brothers connection, I thought it had the potential to be a classic bad taste movie, and was looking forward to it tremendously. The first hour or so didn't disappoint, loads of laughs and, in my view, the mentally challenged supporting cast was not ridiculed in any way - they were treated and portrayed as intelligent individuals. But the 'redeeming' final 20 minutes changed my view of the whole film, and made me feel dirty for having watched it. I wish the makers would have had the balls to just go for it. Why do film makers think its essential for our enjoyment to have nicely sewn-up happy ending?