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Domino (2005)
For the genre, it's quite good
Those of you who don't know about Laurence Harvey's daughter Domino will be shocked beyond belief at the subject of her biopic. She was a troubled young girl who grew into a troubled young lady and decided to become a bounty hunter. The film Domino gives a very glamorous (despite its attempt at grizzly realism) depiction of her career, and if you like this type of fast-paced action flick with lots of unorthodox violence and a tough, take-no-prisoners heroine who coincidentally happens to be a total babe, this movie will be right up your alley.
The exquisitely gorgeous and elegant Keira Knightley was "punked up" to play Domino, but despite her leather vest, low-rise jeans, spiky hair, and tattoos (was I the only who thought she had a terrible wound on her neck instead of a goldfish tattoo?), we're still aware she's Keira Knightley. Don't get me wrong; she's a versatile actress who comes across as extremely tough and rebellious. But she's beautiful, and although she shoots bad guys and gives a gang member a lap dance in exchange for information, we're still aware she's beautiful. When the real Domino is shown during the closing credits, the audience sees what a real bounty hunter looks like. Any woman who would choose that profession is extremely troubled. And as rough-and-ready as Keira is, she's not extremely troubled. Does anyone really care, though? This is a movie made for entertainment, with sex, drugs, and violence. A movie like Domino isn't my cup of tea at all, but even I stuck with it just to watch Keira with her adorable blonde pixie and leather outfits. I can only imagine how much the men in the audience enjoyed this movie, with a leading lady even sexier than Lara Croft at the helm.
Of all the dozens of songs heard playing in the background throughout the film, there was one blatant omission: Van Morrison's "Domino". I thought surely it would be played during the opening or closing credits, but it wasn't. Still, the music included will have your blood pumping and your adrenaline running high. As Keira, Mickey Rourke, and Edgar Ramirez show you their tickets to the gun show, it's an extremely wild ride. This movie also was a huge draw in Hollywood (perhaps to support Laurence Harvey?), featuring Jacqueline Bisset, Christopher Walken, Dabney Colman, Delroy Lindo, Lucy Liu, Mo'Nique, Macy Gray, Mena Suvari, Brian Austin Green, Ian Ziering, and Jerry Springer in the supporting cast.
DLM Warning: If you suffer from vertigo or dizzy spells, like my mom does, you will be hospitalized if you watch this movie. There's a special filter put on in post-production that puts in a sort of strobelight effect on every shot of the film, and that, combined with the quick cuts, zooms, and handheld camera will make you extremely sick. In other words, "Don't Look, Mom!"
Kiddy Warning: Obviously, you have control over your own children. However, due to violence, I wouldn't let my kids watch it.
A Dangerous Method (2011)
Where is her Oscar?
Although I'm the first to admit Viggo Mortensen is an accomplished and versatile actor, I don't know why he received an Oscar nomination for his turn as Sigmund Freud in A Dangerous Method. He didn't even put on an Austrian accent! Of the three leads in the film, his performance was by far the least impressive. Michael Fassbender and Keira Knightley were asked to do so much more - and they did it. Viggo was just asked to smoke a lot of cigars and act smug. If the entire movie had been shut out during Oscar season, I would have thought the Academy forgot about it. But since Viggo was honored, it was a deliberate snub to his two costars. Keira gave what was arguably the best performance of her career, and it was a tragedy she wasn't rewarded. It was a very steep year for the Best Actress category; Keira might not have won, but hers should have been included as one of the best performances of the year.
A Dangerous Method (also known as "Spanky Wanky" in my house) deals with very heavy subject matter. It's not just a two-hour philosophical discourse between Freud and Jung. They do discuss psychoanalysis and the most effective ways of helping patients get to the root of their problems, but the bulk of the story is about Jung having an affair with one of his patients, Keira. She starts the film screaming and thrashing, being restrained by sanitarium guards, and clearly in the throes of hysterical insanity. However, Jung doesn't treat her with the usual methods. She's allowed to take long walks in nature, and he spends a couple of hours each day just talking to her about her problems and their origins. When you watch the first session of the film, as Keira is unable to speak about her childhood without gagging and convulsing, you instantly lose whatever respect for the Academy you had left. What does it take?
My one criticism of the film is, ironically, the screenplay. Based off the play called "The Talking Cure", you would think Hollywood would improve the written words. But after a couple of Keira's talking sessions, the story cuts ahead a couple of years and expects the audience to accept that she's no longer a screaming, thrashing, gagging patient and is functioning well in medical school. She moves about in polite society and dresses like a lady. All she had to do was talk for ten minutes and cure her extremely deep problems? Where was her transformation? And, equally as sudden, Michael decides to betray his wedding vows and take Keira as his mistress. Why would he find this screaming, thrashing, gagging, insane woman attractive? (Besides the fact that she's a stunningly beautiful woman.)
Sex sells in Hollywood. Unfortunately, if the real Sabina were resurrected and told that Hollywood glorified her memory and made a film about her life, she'd probably be humiliated and devastated. Instead of solely focusing on her years at school, her contributions to the psychiatric society, or the rarity of a female in the medical profession; all anyone will remember about this movie is the spanking. Someone who was supposed to be looked at as a pioneer was reduced to her sexual deviances. And while Keira Knightley had to add that burden of embarrassment to her incredible performance, her acting would have been just as impressive without the sex scenes. If you're looking for a psychological dialogue, this movie isn't it. If you're looking for "Spanky Wanky", it is. It has some fantastic acting, beautiful costumes, and even more beautiful scenery, but the psychology and feminism are somewhat lacking.
Kiddy Warning: Obviously, you have control over your own children. However, due to adult content and graphic sex scenes, I wouldn't let my kids watch it.
Coming Home (1998)
A great, strong heroine
In this three-hour miniseries, Emily Mortimer stars as a young woman who gets "adopted" into her best friend's family while on holiday during boarding school. Her own family is in Singapore and she never sees them, so she takes on a new life in the upper crust with Katie Ryder Richardson and her family. Patriarch Peter O'Toole, matriarch Joanna Lumley, and brother Paul Bettany all accept Emily as dearly as if she were a blood relative, as do family friends and constant visitors George Asprey and Patrick Ryecart. Coming Home has all the elements of success: war drama, love triangles, death, pregnancies, melodrama, and pain. It takes place from the early 1930s through WWII and features a very likable heroine trying to find love and happiness. Americans might not understand how a family could abandon their daughter for years, but it was a common British practice to send young kids to boarding school and see them only during the holidays. If stationed abroad, the student instead spends time with a relative in closer proximity or a kind friend's family.
I'd love to reach the original novel, since the miniseries was so entertaining. Each of the characters came to life, even if they didn't have much screen time. Peter O'Toole, a marvelous actor, was only given one scene to show his acting chops - but that scene might be the one that sticks with you the most. He shaves his son's face, and the myriad of emotions he feels will make you reach for your handkerchief. Patrick Ryecart's character was so interesting, I'd love to learn more. Joanna Lumley's elegance made it seem like she really was mistress of the manor, and the camera crew asked if she'd agree to act as herself for television. What a graceful woman! And who wouldn't love to be the subject of George Asprey's longing looks?
As the lead, Emily had such determination and strength. I was proud of her time and again, as she refused to be a simpering female and stood up to her bullies. Her independence wasn't unrealistic for the time period, though, which I appreciated. She was simply a strong woman, who started off as a strong child. The first portion of the miniseries features her time at boarding school, and she's played by a thirteen-year-old Keira Knightley! Keira spends time with a fun (and also strong, whom she perhaps strives to emulate) aunt, Penelope Keith. Penelope's friend, David McCallum, harasses Keira - and her unusual intelligence puts her in a great position to fight back.
Kiddy Warning: Obviously, you have control over your own children. However, due to an upsetting scene involving a child, I wouldn't let my kids watch it.
If you like WWII stories, definitely rent Coming Home. Don't get it confused with the Jane Fonda classic, and instead, grab a cozy blanket and settle in for three hours of great melodrama.
Colette (2018)
Interesting script with an unlikable heroine
I loved the attention to detail in Colette. When reading letters, the narration was in English, but the writing on the page was French (and correctly translated). The fashions were completely time-period appropriate, even including the fact (gross by modern audiences) that women didn't shave under their arms. In a historical drama about real people, detail is always appreciated.
Keira Knightley starred as the French feminist icon and author, Colette. I didn't know anything about Colette's personal life, only that she wrote Gigi. Sufficed to say, everything about this movie was new to me. I didn't know she married a much older man, played by Dominic West, and acted as his ghost writer for years. I didn't know she had lesbian affairs, or that the permissive French society didn't bat an eyelash at their unconventional marriage - despite the 1900s setting. Both Keira and Dominic aged very well within their characters, making us believe they had truly spent decades together. What I found interesting was the film's tone about Keira's lesbianism: rather than portraying her character as having always been attracted to women and being forced into a loveless marriage with a man to satisfy society, her character was a heterosexual who was looking to shock and hurt her husband in revenge for his numerous affairs. Dominic was slightly jealous of Keira's animated conversation with a married couple in a café, and when he insulted the man, Keira raised an eyebrow and tested out his reaction if she were, instead, interested in the woman. She seemed to only pursue affairs with women to get attention, both from her husband and from the society that denied her attention for her written works.
I could be wrong. The filmmakers could have been making the argument that Colette was a born lesbian, and I completely misinterpreted the screenplay. In any case, I thought the script was interesting. Colette was filled with anger and frustration that her efforts weren't rewarded, even though she was born into a time period when men were simply more respected in the workforce. And, no one forced her to ghost write (the film makes the argument that she volunteered) or to turn her personal experiences into her prose to be read by millions. Dominic's other ghost writers were never given credit, so why should she? She exploded with rage during an argument, hurt that Dominic made money off of her feelings and personal life; but if she wrote pure creativity instead of a thinly veiled diary, she might not have felt so betrayed. Since I found so much to discuss and analyze (and sometimes complain) with the story, the movie was obviously well made.
I do have one complaint, though: Keira Knightley declared that in this new phase of her life, motherhood, she would no longer film nude scenes. While it certainly looked like she wore a chest plate during a harmless scene in Colette, what she didn't do was refuse to film graphic sex scenes. As the daughter of an actress, I can offer a legitimate opinion: it would be far less traumatizing to see my mother's bosom during a nonsexual scene than to see her in a fully clothed, extremely graphic sex scene. I certainly hope Keira's daughters never, ever accidentally see snippets from Colette.
And consider yourself warned. This is not merely a historical biopic. The explicit content isn't necessary to the story, but merely serves to shock and feed audiences' voyeurism. It will make some folks uncomfortable, but for others, it also might be the primary reason to watch the film. I watched it because I like historical dramas, and I wanted to appreciate Keira Knightley's acting. She certainly created a different persona than her other characters, with different motivations and needs. But since she's such an accomplished actress, you can watch countless other movies to see her versatility if you prefer to avoid R-rated flicks.
Kiddy Warning: Obviously, you have control over your own children. However, due to graphic sex scenes, I wouldn't let my kids watch it.
Bend It Like Beckham (2002)
The real star is Keira's abs
I'd heard rave reviews from everyone at school, but I never saw Bend It Like Beckham when it was released. I wasn't a sporty gal, so it didn't interest me. But over twenty years later, I finally rented it to celebrate Keira Knightley's time as Star of the Week. In short, if you're not a sporty gal (and you're not in love with Miss Knightley like I am), you probably won't like it. It's lighthearted, following two girls' pursuit of soccer against their parents' wishes. But their close friendship is threatened when both girls fall for their coach, Jonathan Rhys Meyers.
It must have felt like a slap in the face for the lead actress Parminder Nagra to be completely overshadowed by "the best friend". Parminder and her family are the main focus of the movie. Her parents want her to respect the traditional Indian customs, and her older sister doesn't want any scandal to threaten her upcoming marriage. Does anyone even remember that part of the story? Or, like the promotional posters, is the memorable part the best friend? Keira Knightley is tall, willowy, confident, and shows off her incredible figure. How could she not be the focus of attention? During the training sequences, each of the team members are shown sprinting, jumping hurdles, and kicking the ball. But the only girl anyone in the audience will be looking at is the tall one with the headband, sports bra, bellybutton ring, and the flattest tummy in the world. I'm the most boy-crazy girl you'll ever meet, but I was drooling over her abs.
The real question, then, is how is there a love triangle? Jonathan sees Keira's perfect body every day during practice, and he knows she has great passion for the sport, like Parminda. When the entire team goes to a nightclub, Keira gives her friend a makeover and lends her appropriate clothes. Parminda looks very nice, especially since Jonathan's only seen her in a soccer uniform. However, Keira is breathtaking enough to stop the music when she enters the club. She wears low-rise jeans and one of those silver chain halters every girl bought but never had the courage to wear in public. Why does she have to beg Jonathan to dance with her? If you're able to pretend that Keira is not the most beautiful seventeen-year-old on the planet, you can pretend there's a legitimate love triangle. And then you can pay attention to the story.
Although this movie is over twenty years old, it's not that dated. There are enough relevant social issues present, so modern audiences will still think it's funny. Parminda's parents are portrayed as outdated, ridiculous, and wrong. Keira's mother, Juliet Stevenson, collapses in tears when she thinks her daughter might be gay - perish the thought! Light and predictable, it's not the greatest teen movie ever made; but it won't harm you.
DLM Warning: If you suffer from vertigo or dizzy spells, like my mom does, this movie might not be your friend. During the exposition shots, the camera is a bit handheld, and that will make you sick. In other words, "Don't Look, Mom!"
The Railway Station Man (1992)
Julie is cute as a button
Parts of this movie are really enjoyable, but the end result is so disappointing, I can't recommend The Railway Station Man. The upside is Julie Christie. She's so adorable in this movie, from her spunky personality to her cozy knit socks, from her plaid skirts to her swing dancing. Had her character been placed in a different, more even story, I'd want to watch more movies about her. She raises her son alone, after her husband was killed in a tragic mistaken identity shooting, and it's no wonder she catches the attention of most folks in her small, Irish town. With her son grown, she feels free to seek out more than just her hobby painting for fun. She meets the badly crippled railway station man, Donald Sutherland, and they hit it off. Will her son understand her need for romance? And will her son be safe, as he starts to get involved with the wrong crowd?
If I were to ascribe one word to this movie, it would be uneven. There's full frontal male nudity as John Lynch prances around in the ocean, an unexplained thaw in Donald's coldness towards Julie, an unexplained chill after Julie decides she likes Donald, a strange flirtation with her son's friend, and random IRA violence. And why is Donald continually cast in movies where he's supposed to be British? In this one, he has artificial red hair but no trace of an accent. Again, why? But Julie is cute as a button with wonderful energy. If I lived in that town, I would love to be her friend!
Separate Tables (1983)
Very entertaining cast
What an interesting concept! Having only seen the 1958 movie, I had no idea that the original Separate Tables was written for two actors to double up on roles and show their acting range. I did know it was based on two Terence Rattigan one-acts, and that Hollywood merged them into one comprehensive story. The first act deals only with the Burt Lancaster/Rita Hayworth reconnection, and the second with the scandal of David Niven and Deborah Kerr's reaction to it. It's incredibly interesting (not to mention great fun for the actors) to have one actor play both Lancaster and Niven's roles, and one actress doll up for Hayworth and dress down for Kerr.
In this filmed live production, Alan Bates and Julie Christie collaborate for their dual roles. They have wonderful chemistry together, and with four films under their belts, we can hope they were friends and enjoyed working with one another. I loved seeing the physical transformation of Julie, with hair and makeup to match Rita Hayworth in Act One, and glasses, a dowdy hairstyle, and slumped posture in Act Two. She's a beautiful woman, and the audience is always aware of that, but she does the best she can to act emotionally stunted and therefore unaware of her looks and potential in the second act.
The acting absolutely shines in Separate Tables. The story is a bit thin, and some might not agree with the message, but it's wonderful to sit back and appreciate great actors collaborating. Claire Bloom has the enviable role of the innkeeper, and she handles it extremely well with professionalism and control. She truly is the "matriarch" of her residents, able to handle all of their quirks, and make it look easy. Irene Worth is so realistic in her role (Gladys Cooper in the movie) that it's impossible to imagine her without her snobbery, nosiness, and opinions. Alan and Julie both transform, making the most of the script to build their characters and convince the audience that they really are two different people. This is a very entertaining play, if you have the right cast to watch.
Finding Neverland (2004)
Heartwarming story
I must have been confusing Finding Neverland with another movie, for I thought I'd surely seen this movie when it was released and hated it. Giving it a second viewing for Julie Christie's time as Star of the Week, it was very pleasant. Yes, there's some sadness (and depending on what's going on in your life, you might need to reach for a handkerchief), but all in all, it's a very entertaining, heartwarming story.
Johnny Depp stars as the playwright who wrote "Peter Pan". He starts the film with a flop, his producer Dustin Hoffman (in an adorable casting choice, throwing back to 1991's Hook) a bit disappointed and his wife Radha Mitchell a bit embarrassed. Johnny isn't one who enjoys hobnobbing the way she does, and their marriage has become strained over the years. Before you think she's unreasonable, try to remember the time period. In the 1900s, keeping to one's class was important, and gossip could ruin someone's life. So, it's understandable that Radha doesn't want her name tarnished and all the doors in London to be closed to her because of her husband's childish behavior. He loves pretending, playing, and encouraging the imagination of kids. When he meets a widow and her four children in the park, he delights in their company. Pretty soon, he spends every afternoon with them, acting as a father figure to the boys and a savior to the damsel in distress. Of course Radha doesn't approve! Especially since the widow is Kate Winslet, and Johnny Depp has probably seen Titanic. Just kidding.
Despite propriety, Johnny has a very endearing character and gives a solid performance as a normal person - something rare in his repertoire. It's hard to believe this is the same actor who dons disguises in Tim Burton movies. He's absolutely fine when he's normal; it's a shame he got typecast as the opposite. In Finding Neverland, although he's playful, he's not manic. He's just able to reach children at their level, because he realizes how fleeting childhood is.
If you haven't seen this one, or you thought you had but didn't really remember it, consider renting it on a wintery afternoon. The costumes are beautiful, and it's interesting to find out how the story of "Peter Pan" was created. I also like how the screenwriter gives the "bad guys" three-dimensional characters. Like Radha, Julie Christie (Kate's mother) is concerned with societal judgment. If a married man appears to stake his claim with her daughter and grandchildren, it will mark them and ruin any other chances Kate might have in the future of marrying again and securing financial security for her family. Although tempting, it's not always sensible to follow one's heart - as Kate herself learned in 1995's Sense in Sensibility. Just kidding.
DLM Warning: If you suffer from vertigo or dizzy spells, like my mom does, this movie might not be your friend. When Johnny Depp dances with the bear, the camera goes in circles for a minute. Also, during the performance, the camera "flies" out into the audience with Tinkerbell with lots of loops and swerves, and that will make you sick. In other words, "Don't Look, Mom!"
Julia Misbehaves (1948)
A little too silly
Can't imagine Greer Garson in a comedy? You can either rent Julia Misbehaves, or save yourself the cringing and just go on imagining. She's a fantastic, trained dramatic actress, but she picked a lousy movie to try out her comedic talents. Somehow, seeing Miss Garson slipping in the mud and running away from a bear in the woods just isn't funny. And seeing her awkward, ungainly dancing lumbering along on a stage is just as painful as hearing her hoarse, frog-like voice croaking out the vaudeville notes.
The premise of this slapstick is a neglectful mother returning home for her daughter's wedding. In her audition for Father of the Bride, Elizabeth Taylor is engaged to a stuffed shirt her father Walter Pidgeon and grandmother Lucille Watson approve of. The more handsome and more fun Peter Lawford is in love with her, though. When the irresponsible, flirtatious, troublesome gambler who's always in debt (also known as her mother) resurfaces after years of being absent, she just might get Elizabeth to learn about life and love.
I didn't like the movie, as it was far too silly for my taste. It was fun to see Cesar Romero as a bodybuilding acrobat, though. He brags that his right bicep is larger than his left, and Greer tests it. Her arched eyebrow and giggle proves it was correct. You'll get a feel for rest of the movie from the beginning, with Greer stuck in the bathtub trying to argue her way out of paying her bills. There's a picnic ruined by a bear, a trained seal who applauds Walter Pidgeon, and a mural of Lady Godiva with Liz's likeness. The plot is far-fetched and should only be watched if you're really in the mood for something fluffy.
Seeking a Friend for the End of the World (2012)
You'll need a box of Kleenex
Since I notoriously avoid movies about the end of the world, you might wonder why I willingly rented Seeking a Friend for the End of the World. Two words: Keira Knightley. She's my favorite actress, so I watched any and every movie she made. Somehow, I kept hoping for one giant "Just kidding!" from the filmmakers. But in a movie about a giant asteroid headed for Earth, there's only a slim possibility of a "Just kidding!"
At the start of this movie, Steve Carrell and his wife (a cameo from his real life wife) are driving and hear the radio broadcast the impending end of the world. Without a word, Mrs. Carrell flees the car and runs down the street, not wanting to spend any of the brief time left to live with her husband. It's cruel and tragic, and Steve is left to spend the rest of his life alone. After a botched suicide attempt, he makes friends with Keira Knightley and they go on a road trip together to tie up loose ends before it's too late. He wants to make amends with his father, Martin Sheen, and she wants to get a plane ticket back to England to see her family. Along the way, their friendship turns into more. They weren't each other's first loves, but they might be their last. Depressing, huh?
I don't see how anyone can make it through this movie without a wad of Kleenex. I have now learned my lesson. Even if Keira made another movie about the end of the world, I wouldn't watch it. She tested me on this by making Silent Night a few years ago, and I remained firm. Unless you really like indie, end-of-the-world dramas that are seriously depressing, I wouldn't recommend this one. You can see Steve Carrell's acting chops in Hope Springs, and Keira Knightley's in A Dangerous Method.
Kiddy Warning: Obviously, you have control over your own children. However, due to upsetting content, I wouldn't let my kids watch it.
Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace (1999)
I fell asleep - twice!
It's confession time: I fell asleep during The Phantom Menace when my family went to see it opening weekend - during the most exciting "chariot race" scene. And when we returned to the theaters to try it again, I fell asleep during the exact same scene. Obviously, I found the movie riveting.
Everyone else did, though. And becoming a part of the first Star Wars movie in sixteen years was a huge draw for Hollywood. Ewan McGregor, Liam Neeson, Natalie Portman, and Jake Lloyd were the headliners, and Terence Stamp, Warwick Davis, Celia Imrie, Samuel L. Jackson, Dominic West, Sofia Coppola, Keira Knightley, Sally Hawkins, and dozens of others could be spotted in the supporting cast. John Williams, of course, scored the music, and George Lucas sat at the helm. There were over-the-top special effects, memorable hairstyles and makeup, and the first all-CGI character, Jar Jar Binks. Basically, if you're a Star Wars fan, you'll love watching this "first episode" in a marathon. If you're not, you can skip it and just listen to Weird Al's song "The Saga Begins". Pretty much all my knowledge about Star Wars comes from his clever lyrics.
Never Let Me Go (2010)
Intentionally upsetting and disgusting
Never Let Me Go is one of the few movies I wish I'd never seen. I only saw the trailer; I didn't know it was based on a novel by Kazuo Ishiguro, who wrote depressing books like The Remains of the Day. I didn't know what the actual story was. I thought it was just a love triangle between Carey Mulligan, Andrew Garfield, and Keira Knightley. Carey is the lead, and we're supposed to feel sorry for her when Andrew falls for Keira - but not only is she the most beautiful woman in the world, her personality is exuberant. When Carey pays attention to her studies, Keira wants to have fun and enjoy life. When Carey is serious and follows the rules, Keira breaks them with a smile on her face. For a teenage boy, there really is no contest.
The reason the film was upsetting was only minorly alluded to in the trailer. You had to have either read the book or looked up a plot synopsis to know what was going on. It takes place in an alternate reality where humans can live an extremely long time, provided they get organ transplants whenever they're ailing. An entire class of people have been bred and raised as organ donors, including the three leads. This premise is disgusting, and the futility of the main characters' existence is depressing. This is a universally unenjoyable film, even if you agree with whatever message the author is trying to promote. It's not difficult to do, so I suggest you emotionally detach from all the characters. Getting upset over a two-hour movie will not serve a greater purpose, and you might as well "protest" against the intentionally disturbing plot by refusing to get hooked into it.
Kiddy Warning: Obviously, you have control over your own children. However, due to upsetting and adult content, I wouldn't let my kids watch it.
Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl (2003)
He's not a pirate
I'll never understand why Johnny Depp's effeminate portrayal of Jack Sparrow was so well received by the public. Pirates were frightening criminals who killed, stole, raped, and pillaged. Pirates did not sashay. They were not flamboyant. They did not wear eye makeup. The only people who wore eye makeup at that time were prostitutes. Yes, this was a Disney movie, made to capitalize on the popular ride, but the pirates featured in the ride were not acting out light-hearted comedic scenes. Most Disney cartoons (aimed for even younger children than a live-action flick) featured intensely frightening sequences, so there's no reason the studio chose to make this movie so unrealistically comical. And while sometimes mistakes are regarded as genius, like the chocolate chip cookie, the makeup artist who didn't use waterproof makeup while working on an ocean-set film about pirates should have been fired, not elevated. (In case you hadn't heard, Johnny's makeup was smeared by a misty fan's breeze, and the director liked the way it looked.)
Believe it or not, there was a period of time when I didn't love Keira Knightley. I'd watched Pirates of the Caribbean and Pride & Prejudice only; sometimes when I dislike a film so much, I'm unable to separate positive feelings for an actor. Everyone involved in the movie is lumped together, until I watch another, more enjoyable, film that allows me to appreciate someone in a fresh light. Unfortunately, I had to wait until 2008's The Duchess, but now she's my favorite modern actress.
Disney probably didn't know just how successful this movie would be, and now the popular franchise has spanned five films. I stopped with the first, but if someone tells me they've improved, I'll gladly give them another chance. This isn't the first time I've disagreed with the masses, and it won't be the last. I just can't get behind something that's so completely far-fetched.
The Hole (2001)
Very fun for lightweights
There's always an abundance of teen thrillers, because there's always an abundance of teenagers who want to get titillated at the movies. Somehow, watching a group of stupid people who are getting killed off one by one is extremely entertaining to the teen crowd. (Probably because the cast is predominately good-looking and has gratuitous sex scenes.) In The Hole, the obligatory gratuity is actually extremely tame. Keira Knightley flashes someone and then sneaks into his sleeping bag later that night. Comparatively, this movie is practically G-rated.
So, if you like un-scary thrillers that you won't have to watch through parted fingers, consider The Hole. Thora Birch starts the movie being rescued from a terrible experience, and after a physical examination, she's sent to talk to a psychiatrist (Embeth Davidz) about what happened. We hear her version first (with a lengthy flashback), and then as more information is revealed, the flashback changes. According to Thora, she is an unpopular but brainy girl who has a "homework for cool-by-association" arrangement with popular Keira Knightley. Together, the two girls and their crushes, Desmond Harrington and Laurence Fox, decide to cut school and spend a "romantic" weekend in an abandoned fall-out shelter. Their contact, Daniel Brocklebank, is supposed to free them after the weekend; but when he doesn't return, things turn ugly. How much of that story is true? Who will contradict Thora?
Although the bare bones of this story is a typical teen flick, I loved the casting. The three young men fit into their characters perfectly, and the contrast between Thora and Keira couldn't be clearer. Keira is blonde, beautiful, tall, lithe, effortlessly graceful, charming, playful, and naturally likable. Thora is the opposite, in every way. It's completely believable that the only way she could get her crush to notice her is to literally get locked together underground. She comes across as being seriously disturbed, depressed, and depressing. She has no endearing qualities. Compared to Keira's thin legs, flat tummy, lovely bosom, and the most beautiful hip bones in the entire world, Thora doesn't stand a chance at grabbing Desmond's attention.
DLM Warning: If you suffer from vertigo or dizzy spells, like my mom does, this movie will not be your friend. This movie has a very active camera, with slow circling and handheld movements in almost every scene, and that will make you sick. In other words, "Don't Look, Mom!"
The Hole isn't going to win any awards, but it's actually pretty entertaining, as it captures the "everything's going to be alright even when it's not" flavor of the classic I Know What You Did Last Summer flicks. It'll scare you but not scar you. Check it out!
Begin Again (2013)
Make sure you like indie music
I'll forever be in love with Keira Knightley, and she has great versatility. When you see her in a period piece, it's as if she were an old portrait come to life. When she acts in a modern movie, it's inconceivable she could ever fit into a historical setting. In Begin Again, she's a struggling indie singer who gets discovered by Mark Ruffalo (also incredibly versatile), a music producer with an exceptional imagination. My favorite scene is when Mark first sees her perform in a nightclub. She's singing along with her guitar, and as he listens, he imagines the potential of her song. One by one, different instruments are added, and as a rhythm section, harmonies, and counterpoint are combined, the audience hears what he's creating in his head. The look on his face is incredible. And who knows; it might have been the twentieth take!
Begin Again is a movie about the indie music scene. If you like opera (or even regular songs that require a good voice), you won't like it. Mark comes up with the idea of making New York City a part of the soundtrack to Keira's songs. They run around the city and record in different areas, picking up street sounds, ancillary people, and even the subway. You can't do that! Your songs will sound horrible! But, in Hollywood-land, it's supposed to be cool and ground-breaking. With a jackhammer in the background, it will be ground-breaking. Anyway, it's a harmless movie that is entertaining the first time you watch it. Just make sure you're alright with indie and modern pop music. Adam Levine, James Corden, and CeeLo Green are in the supporting cast. My mom's an opera singer, and she was cringing through this one.
Atonement (2007)
Well crafted, but I hate the message
Atonement was the last movie I saw of Keira Knightley's before I completely fell in love with her. You might wonder why this movie didn't change my opinion of her to a beautiful and talented young woman (from the grungy-haired brat from Pride & Prejudice), but I disliked the film so much I couldn't actually appreciate anyone in the cast. She did look beautiful in the green dress, though.
Told in the format of a successful author being interviewed about an autobiographical book she wrote of a traumatic incident from her childhood, the bulk of the story was told in sections of flashbacks. I've been known to criticize that format as lazy and unimaginative. The elderly author was Vanessa Redgrave, whom I normally don't like (although her smug persona almost worked in this character, since many successful authors can't hide their pretentiousness). The crux of the story involved a mean-spirited child (Saoirse Ronan in the role that earned her the first of many undeserved Oscar nominations) acting out in haste in search of revenge. I dislike children, and I especially dislike brats who damage other people's lives, as in The Children's Hour. A subplot featured statutory rape - how is that enjoyable? The parts of the story that took place during WWII, my favorite era, were brief. The war gore was so disgusting, (do yourself a favor and close your eyes for about a minute after the soldier asks Romola Garai to loosen his head bandages) I actually had to put my head between my knees in the movie theater so I wouldn't vomit. And I hated the ending and the title (no spoilers here).
So, although a lot of work went into Atonement and many audience members thought it was one of the best pictures of the year, you can understand why I didn't like it. In a movie that unpleasant, I couldn't truly appreciate Keira. The following year's The Duchess is the one that won me over. She sure looked pretty in that green dress, though...
Kiddy Warning: Obviously, you have control over your own children. However, due to war violence and sexual content, I wouldn't let my kids watch it.
The Aftermath (2019)
Flawlessly acted
One of those stories that everyone wants to watch, no matter how many times Hollywood films it, is the romance between a Nazi soldier and an occupied European civilian. We know it can't end well. He's an enemy soldier, so something sad or irreparably harmful has to happen. Someone's going to cry; someone has to feel betrayed at some point. And yet, this is an incredibly popular storyline!
The Aftermath gives that story a unique and interesting twist: The war is over. The British are occupying Germany for the reconstruction, and the Nazi soldier is the civilian instead of the perpetrator. Instead of an enemy soldier falling for a Polish or Norwegian lady while staying in her house, it's the other way around. Keira Knightley and her husband, Jason Clarke, are stationed in Hamburg and assigned to live in Alexander Skarsgard's home. (Yes, he's Stellan's son, and those cutie pie genes run in the family!) Right away, Alexander is stripped of his enemy clothes. His city is in ruins, his people have been conquered, and his wife was killed in an Allied bombing. At first, he and Keira hate each other, but of course, as they get to know each other, the sparks fly.
There's another plot line that's incredibly interesting: Keira and Jason have been separated for years during the war, and they aren't given any privacy to get to know each other again. In American movies, soldiers always return home to their small towns and their families; and if they have difficulties readjusting or their wives notice a change in them, they at least have the security of familiar surroundings and the comfort of their own home. In this movie, the lead couple has neither. They're in a foreign country (an enemy country, to boot) and living in someone else's home with the occupant right down the hall. Jason is still on active duty, so not only does Keira have to get to know her husband again after years of separation during wartime, but she sees the soldier side of him. For him, the war isn't really over.
I was really excited to watch this romantic drama when the preview came out and made it look like one of the most intriguing movies of the year. It unfolded beautifully, and I'd definitely watch it again or even own a copy (and not just because of the leading lady). The acting is wonderful from everyone, the scenery immerses you in the setting, and the story progresses at the perfect pace. Really, the movie couldn't have been better. It's an internal, subtle story that dares to sympathize with German civilians after they lost the war. Keira, my favorite modern actress, adds complexities to her character as she tries to balance loyalty to her husband and country with her need for love and happiness. Alexander is sensitive and lost, but still a strong character. Perhaps the most interesting of all is Jason. He's not "the bad guy", nor is he pathetic and easy to dismiss. Everyone is realistic, and it's an intense experience to watch the drama play out. I give this movie a wholehearted recommendation, but you might want to put the kids to bed (there's an extremely graphic sex scene).
Kiddy Warning: Obviously, you have control over your own children. However, due to graphic sex scenes, I wouldn't let my kids watch it.
Shampoo (1975)
What was the point?
Was I the only person who disliked Shampoo? It seemed like one giant vehicle for Warren Beatty to show the audience that he was gorgeous and could sleep with as many women as he wanted. There was very little substance in the plot. He hopped from one bed to the next, and even though it was supposed to be a social satire about how shallow people were in the 1960s, it felt more like Warren was just having a lot of fun.
He plays a hairdresser, and because his job involves getting intimately involved with women's appearances and telling them how attractive they look, most of his clients find themselves in the palm of his hand. Julie Christie, Goldie Hawn, Lee Grant (who won an Oscar for this movie instead of the following year's Voyage of the Damned), and a young Carrie Fisher all vie for his sole attention, even though he's incapable of respecting women and unwilling to change his behavior to pretend he does. Whatever the point was, I missed it.
The Return of the Soldier (1982)
Ann-Margret steals the show
In this unique story of shellshock, Alan Bates returns home from the Great War with a case of amnesia. He has no recollection of his wife, Julie Christie, his lavish home, or their life they built together before the war. Instead, he wants nothing more than to see his old sweetheart, Glenda Jackson, who is now married and living in the city. Julie is patient at first, but her feelings are hurt that he not only is completely uninterested in her but seems not to even like her company. She hires a psychiatrist, Ian Holm, who recommends that he establish contact with Glenda. Once he gets in touch with reality, he can start to accept it. The story is extremely interesting, but the very end is more than a little depressing. I won't spoil anything, but I was not in high spirits when the credits rolled.
I always like the collaboration of Alan and Julie. This is their third film together, and even though he doesn't even remember her, they still have a great onscreen chemistry. It's Ann-Margret, though, who steals the show in a completely against-type role. She plays the dowdy spinster sister - can you imagine? With an austere brown wig, no makeup, and plain clothes, she completely sheds her sex symbol persona. I'm particularly gifted at recognizing faces (even going so far as to identify someone by their teeth or nostrils alone), but someone without that talent might not even recognize her - especially because she speaks in an English accent. I'm proud of her for taking such a risk, and for performing so well.
Power (1986)
Perhaps I'm too political to appreciate it
The beginning of Power is complicated, but just keep watching the movie and it'll all become clear to you. Richard Gere stars as a savvy campaign consultant who knows how to win elections. He knows that issues aren't as important as how a voter feels about a candidate, and his track record is so splendid, people across the country vie to hire him during election season. The movie follows him as he works on his main campaigns, but there's another obstacle in the way besides November. One of his clients, E. G. Marshall, has failing health and isn't seeking re-election. His spot is up for grabs, and different people want the power that comes with his Senate seat - even international villains. Also in the supporting cast are Kate Capshaw, Julie Christie, Beatrice Straight (understandable, since Sidney Lumet also made Network), Michael Learned, J. T. Walsh, a young Denzel Washington, and a strangely effeminate Gene Hackman
Back in 1986, it was probably a big deal to film a script that exposed the inner workings of a political campaign. But today, it's common knowledge that a campaign manager will tell a candidate to work on his tan rather than his stance on an issue. It just doesn't have the same effect anymore. Or, perhaps, I'm too knowledgeable for my own good. I was a political science major in college, with an emphasis in campaign management, so to me, the lifting of the campaign season's curtain wasn't a revelation. I've been actively involved in politics for the past twenty years, and to be honest, I can't imagine having a non-political brain. Perhaps my impression of this film is correct, or perhaps there are people who will find it surprising. To those folks, go ahead and rent it if you like behind-the-scenes political dramas, to see that subgenre's daddy. But if you're political and looking for a shock, you won't find it here. Check out Our Brand Is Crisis for the equivalent of Power, thirty years later.
No Such Thing (2001)
Totally weird
What a weird movie! It's supposedly a modern (and very freely adapted) take on Beowulf, but I couldn't really tell. I barely made it through to the end. The only people I can imagine enjoying this movie are the same folks who liked The Shape of Water - although this movie is not nearly as upsetting, sexually explicit, violent, or grotesque. It just involves a woman developing a relationship to a creepy alien-monster.
Sarah Polley gets a cryptic message from her fiancé, telling her he's travelled to a remote arctic village to find a mysterious monster. While flying there to find him, her plane crashes and she's crippled. Julie Christie randomly is an extremely competent doctor living in the middle of nowhere, and she stitches Sarah back up. When Sarah finally makes it to the tundra, she meets the monster and develops a friendship (let's hope it's only a friendship) with it - even though it killed her boyfriend. See what I mean? It's a weird movie. Watch at your own risk.
McCabe & Mrs. Miller (1971)
What was the point?
What was the point of this movie? I watched it twice and still never figured it out, except that offscreen sweethearts Warren Beatty and Julie Christie wanted to make a movie together where they could both look grungy. They're very beautiful people, but neither the frizzy perm nor the unkempt beard did them any favors.
If you're interested in the story, it's about two shady characters who try to control a small town. Set in the 1900s, Warren is a gambler and a persuasive speaker who comes to a religious town and turns it into a den of inequity. He frightens the townspeople into thinking he's a dangerous gunslinger, then immediately sets up a brothel (Julie is the madam). How are we supposed to root for these people? They don't have a moral compass, even with each other when they're "falling in love". But if she treats him like any normal client, is this really a romance? Obviously, I don't recommend this movie. You can stick with Heaven Can Wait if you like Warren and Julie as a couple.
The Go-Between (1971)
Lovely and immersive
Reunited again after Far from the Madding Crowd, Julie Christie and Alan Bates starred in The Go-Between. Although a simple story, it was told from the perspective of a child, which was very interesting.
Pre-teen Dominic Guard comes to the countryside to stay with his relatives, and he's immediately smitten with the beautiful Julie. Julie is sweet to him, playing and attending to his studies, and he also finds a friend in Alan, the hired hand who lives in a shack at the back of the property. It turns out, Julie and Alan are in love, or at least starting to be, from Dominic's perspective. After sufficient time gaining Dominic's trust and devotion, they ask him to secretly pass messages back and forth (to be their go-between). Were they only being kind to him out of manipulation? Will he keep his mouth shut, or will he become jealous of Alan and tell someone of their secret romance?
With lovely direction that immerses the audience into the 1900s English countryside, The Go-Between is not to be missed. You can tell that dramatics lurk on the horizon, and although this isn't a Thomas Hardy novel, not everything will go smoothly. Coming-of-age stories force children to suddenly grow up, and this story is no exception. Still, it's very good and I recommend it. If you like it, check out Far from the Madding Crowd, which I liked even better.
Fahrenheit 451 (1966)
Consider watching the movie first
Most people have read Fahrenheit 451 in school, and while some claim it loses its potency in a film version, I disagree. When we read a book about a futuristic society in which books are banned, we can pretend that we're being rebels and holding onto one of the last remining paperbacks. However, when we watch a movie about a futuristic society in which books are banned, we can pretend we're in that era now. Without the pages in our hand, we can see the completely digital age. We see the interactive television program playing out (I always thought that great idea was going to be the way of the future), and when we see the firefighters burning books, we can pretend that movies are our sole means of entertainment.
Besides that, it's a wonderful, classic story with excellent performances by Oskar Werner and Julie Christie. He's conflicted and secretive; she's shallow and unquestioning. If you've never read Fahrenheit 451, consider watching the movie first. Then, when you get a copy of the book, you can pretend you've found a hidden treasure!
Don't Look Now (1973)
It doesn't really have to do with sex
I'm not sure if this was the filmmakers' intention, but there's really only one reason Don't Look Now is famous: the sex scene. With full frontal male nudity and a lot more than the classic "giggling under the sheets" choreography, this lengthy scene almost got the film an X rating. I can only imagine how uncomfortable Julie Christie and Donald Sutherland were, since this was the first scene filmed.
The actual story has nothing to do with sex. It's about two parents who are grieving about the death of their little girl. They travel to Italy (hence the sex scene - just kidding) and get involved with clairvoyants, seances, and other spirituality. They try to get a handle on their grief, but they also don't want to let go and move on. Can they get in touch with the spirit of their daughter? Can they continue to have a life together? On paper, it's an interesting movie, and those who like artistic flicks will appreciate the way it was filmed. It not only has flashbacks but flash-forwards, too. It's artsy, creepy, flashy, and very 1973. You can try it if you want, but unless you like these kinds of experimental movies, you probably won't like it.
Kiddy Warning: Obviously, you have control over your own children. However, due to sex scenes, creepy visuals, and upsetting content about a child, I wouldn't let my kids watch it.