Mon, Nov 4, 2002
The high-school football coach approaches Bill and Judy because he'd like Brian to join the football team. He would be a place-kicker and third-string, but Bill is delighted, as his son will be on the football team like he was. Judy's afraid that Brian will get hurt and she doesn't want Bill to pressure him into it. Brian isn't even sure about it, so Bill convinces him to play and says he'll always support whatever he does. At the football game, Bill discovers the perks of being a football parent, as does Judy. Then Bill finds out that what Brian really wants to do is join the cheer squad. Bill is crushed and embarrassed until he finds out that Brian joined the football team because it made his dad happy and they could have something in common but he would rather be on the cheer squad and there are good things about being part of it. But he isn't even sure he's good enough to make it, so Bill shows him some moves that might help.
Mon, Dec 9, 2002
To help Judy land a promotion, Bill schmoozes her boss, Dr. Nathan Gerber, by falsely sharing in the doctor's love of opera. When a schedule conflict prevents the doctor from enjoying his Friday night tickets to an upcoming opera, he happily passes them along to Judy and Bill, which Bill almost immediately exchanges for choice Friday night hockey tickets. The doctor subsequently asks them to report back on their opera experience, so Bill and Judy suffer through a Thursday night performance so they can report back accurately and not endanger her chance for the promotion. When the doctor's schedule conflict resolves itself and he asks for the tickets back, Bill and Judy scramble for how to get out of this one. Meanwhile, Linda chaperons Lauren's slumber party but ends up dominating it with bitter adult issues.
Mon, Jan 6, 2003
Bill comes down with a bad case of accumulated sick days, which he'll lose if he doesn't use them by staying home for a few days. Lauren is about to go to her first school dance, but bullying another girl at school gets her grounded. Judy tries to impress Lauren about the wrongfulness of bullying by telling her the story of her own bullied time with classmate Jeana Mirelli. When Lauren later confides to Bill that Judy told her about Jeana, Bill thinks Judy shared the real story, where Judy was the merciless bully and Jeana was her victim. Lauren is outraged at Judy for lying, Judy is mad at Bill for revealing, and Bill is upset at Judy for not updating him on this latest lie to the kids. Since Bill seems to think Judy is being too harsh on Lauren, Judy puts Bill completely in charge of her punishment. To Lauren's delight, Bill allows her to attend the dance, so Judy further allows Bill to shop for Lauren's party dress, for which Bill, unschooled in the ways of aggressive dress shopping, is woefully unprepared.
Mon, Jan 27, 2003
Judy is upset at Bill because she must always take the "bad-cop" role with the kids while Bill always gets to be "good cop." Bill feels Judy should lighten up. The roles end up switched and Judy loves it while Bill hates having to clean up the kids' messes while Judy relaxes in the bathtub and gets plenty of sleep for a change. Bill concedes to Judy's point but she refuses to change back, so he drops the bad-cop role so both of them are the good cop. While the kids run amok, Bill predicts that Judy will "blink first." A couple of incidents with Lauren and Brian finally make Bill and Judy realize that "bad cop" is a good thing.
Mon, Feb 3, 2003
Linda brings over new boyfriend Trevor, a fit young man who thinks she's 27 years old. Showing off her catch, she has Trevor bare his sexy abdominal six-pack, prompting Bill to display his less-than-sexy middle-aged kegger. Having a capable man about the house, Judy puts him to work handling chores Bill can't seem to manage. To show that he can be at least the near equal of Trevor, Bill joins a roller-hockey league, buying all-new equipment for a sport he proclaims he's "born" to do. Judy must remind him of his closet of lost dreams, wherein reside the remnants of several past short-lived endeavors when Bill was "born" to fish, "born" to ski, and "born" to scuba-dive. Bill soon finds that he can't manage hockey, which leaves him so sore that he can't raise his arms. When Judy slights him for jumping into it, he chides her for not being athletic like he's trying to be, so she joins Linda for a workout session--and soon becomes just as debilitatingly sore as Bill.
Mon, Feb 17, 2003
Though Bill gripes about Judy's constant nagging and under-appreciation to his poker buddies, Judy's sudden arrival, happily serving them beer and pizza, proves how easy Bill really has it. Judy releases her well-founded frustrations over Bill to her sympathetic hairdresser, Gary, whom Judy's gone to for nine years. Bill's early arrival to pick her up invades "Judy time." While she's under the dryer, Bill offends Gary by telling him what a great "racket" this "rip-off" artist runs. Judy thereafter finds herself unable to book another appointment. Upon learning the reason, she immediately sends Bill to apologize to Gary. Gary not only accepts Bill's apology but gives him a free hair treatment with complimentary back massage. Bill clearly responds to the therapeutic aspects of Gary's service and quickly becomes a regular client, but Judy resents this invasion of her special time away from home and family problems. They try staggering appointments but it doesn't work out, so they finally draw cards to see who will continue with Gary. Bill's king beats Judy's jack until Bill has to admit to his poker buddies what they're playing for. Lost among all this is Brian trying to bring an attractive girl to the house for a study session.
Mon, Mar 31, 2003
After Linda meets a nice man and goes out with him hours after being dumped by another guy, Judy advises her not to go so fast. Linda and Judy have a fight, where Judy is blamed to always be nosing on her sister's life. Judy then decides to let her sister live her own life, and as a result she starts overcontrolling her children's lives with all the extra time she has in her hands. When they can't take it anymore, Bill decides to get the two back together and establish peace in the family
Mon, Apr 14, 2003
Lauren has taken up the clarinet and she has a recital coming up, but she isn't very good at it. Carl tells Bill that his old buddy Wheezer's in town, and Bill's excited because he hasn't seen Wheezer in a long time. When they meet, they find out that he's married to a psychologist, Dr. Sarah Cunningham--and has changed so much from the crazy Wheezer Bill knew. When Bill says that Sarah changed him, Carl says that Judy changed Bill as well. Upset about that, Bill talks to Judy, who denies it, and he says she did because he shaved his mustache for her and got ride of his "man fort." Bill decides to bring back "Killer Miller" by smoking cigars, growing a mustache, wearing tiger jams again, and converting the basement into his new man fort. But lo, Bill finds himself coughing heavily, and that mustache itches. Judy admits to Linda that she has changed Bill, but Linda points out that he's changed her, so Judy decides to go on a girls' night out with her old friend Sandy, who gets Judy drunk the night before Lauren's recital, which she must attend with a horrible hangover. Bill and Judy conclude that sometimes leaving the past in the past is best.
Mon, Apr 28, 2003
Judy's stuck doing overtime until her boss, Dr. Gerber, finds someone to replace Colleen. Gerber's life's been a mess since his wife discovered his affair with Colleen and kicked him out. Exhausted and fed up with the overtime, Judy finally confronts the doctor and asks if there's anything she can do. There is. She can take Schnitzel, Gerber's Dalmatian, who must otherwise stay in a kennel until Gerber finds an apartment that allows pets. Schnitzel is a well-trained dog, but living with Bill soon has him lounging on the sofa and ignoring commands. When Gerber visits, he's disappointed in his dog's new behavior, but Gerber himself succumbs to the allure of Bill's indulgent lifestyle and practically moves in with the Millers. Judy wants him out, so Bill advises the doctor to stop wasting time, follow his dream and do what makes him happy--which, to Bill and Judy's surprise, he decides to do: close the dentistry and open a restaurant. Well, not if Judy can help it.
Mon, May 5, 2003
Something Bill dreads the most is about to happen: His mother Louise is coming to visit. Bill's problem with his mother is that she "guilts" him into getting whatever she wants, and he always complies. Judy suggests that the next time Louise makes him feel miserable, he should ignore her and not take the bait. Bill thinks he and Louise should try to have an adult conversation, because in her eyes, he's Billy. When Bill finds out it doesn't work, he goes to Judy and tries it her way. He puts Judy's method to use when he takes Louise to the bank and she starts to complain about the family's minivan. When Bill says nothing, it aggravates her and she gets out of the van. When Bill threatens to leave her, she refuses to budge and Bill drives away. When Bill realizes what he's done, he looks for her but can't find her. He returns home without her, but she comes back on her own and says that she's gotten a job at Playpen Video, an adult-video store. Bill feels that she's only working there to get attention. When they get into a fight, Louise leaves the house, saying she will stay with her sister Doris and will continue to work at Playpen Video. When Bill tries to patch things up, Louise admits she got the job to "guilt" him, but she has her reasons for keeping the job.
Mon, May 12, 2003
Bill and Judy have tickets to the AC/DC concert, while Lauren is invited to a cheerleader party, where boys and beer will be. Bill and Judy say no to her going, but don't need to worry about Brian--he wasn't invited. Bill tells Brian, when he was his age he wasn't invited to parties, but one party, he went with the football team, lay low in the kitchen so he wouldn't get booted out, and made a pyramid out of empty beer cans. He became a legend because everyone thought he drank all those beers and from then on, he was invited to parties. Linda is at the house to make sure Lauren doesn't sneak out. While waiting in line, Judy has Linda check on Lauren and finds out that she has sneaked out. They give up the tickets and go to the party. While looking for Lauren, they can't find her, but Bill finds Brian in the kitchen making a beer-can pyramid. They send Brian home and when they're home, Brian says that Bill taught him the pyramid. Later Bill tells Brian that he should never let anyone make him feel like he doesn't belong. Still looking for Lauren, she's home and says that she was in the basement all along listening to records. She says she's going back to the basement and seems to have convinced them, but they catch her outside trying to sneak some of the partygoers out of the basement. Bill and Judy tell Brian and Lauren that they know all the tricks to sneaking out because they did it and manage to salvage what's left of the night.
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