- Kate McCallister: [at the Plaza Hotel] What kind of hotel allows a child to check in alone?
- Desk Clerk: The boy had a very convincing story.
- Kate McCallister: What kind of idiots do you have working here?
- Desk Clerk: The finest in New York.
- Gangster: [on a video playing on a TV in another room] You was here last night too, wasn't ya?
- Concierge: [hesitates and unaware he's listening to a video] ... Yes, sir. I was.
- [nods]
- Gangster: [sternly] You was here, and you was smoochin' with my brother!
- Concierge: [scoffs, grins in embarrassment and half laughs] I'm-I'm afraid you're mistaken, sir.
- Gangster: Don't gimme that! You've been smoochin' with everybody! Snuffy, Al, Leo, Little Moe with the gimpy leg, Cheeks, Boney Bob, Cliff.
- [the Concierge is shocked and confused by this accusation. Coincidentally, one of the other staff members happens to be called Cliff, it says so on his name badge. He gasps and the others look at him in disbelief, shocked]
- Cliff: [looks alarmed and panics] No... it's a lie!
- Gangster: I could go on forever, baby!
- Concierge: [half laughing] I'm terribly sorry, sir, but I'm afraid you're mistaken. We're looking for a young man.
- Cedrick the Bellman: Do you know how the TV works?
- Kevin McCallister: I'm 10 years old; TV's my life.
- Kevin McCallister: Howdy do. This is Peter McCallister, the father. I'd like a hotel room please, with an extra large bed, a TV, and one of those little refrigerators you have to open with a key. Credit card? You got it.
- Gangster Johnny on TV: Maybe I'm off my hinges, but I believe ya. That's why I'm gonna let ya go. I'm gonna give you to the count of three to get your lousy, lyin', low-down, four-flushing carcass OUT my door! 1... 2...
- [Fires Tommy gun, killing girl gangster, and laughing insanely]
- Gangster Johnny on TV: 3. Merry Christmas, you filthy animal.
- [fires repeatedly again]
- Gangster Johnny on TV: And a Happy New Year.
- [Fires one last shot]
- [Harry and Marv have arrived in New York by stowing away in a fish truck]
- Harry: Here we are, Marv: New York City. The land of opportunity.
- [sniffs]
- Harry: Smell that?
- Marv: [sniffs] Yeah.
- Harry: Know what that is?
- Marv: Fish!
- Harry: It's freedom.
- Marv: No, it's fish.
- Harry: It's freedom, and it's money.
- Marv: Okay, okay, it's freedom.
- Harry: C'mon, let's get out of here before somebody sees us.
- Marv: [to himself] And it's fish.
- Kevin McCallister: Did you have any kids?
- Bird Lady: No. Oh, l wanted them. But the man I loved fell out of love with me. That broke my heart. And whenever the chance to be loved came along again, I ran away from it. I stopped trusting people.
- Kevin McCallister: No offense, but that seems like sort of a dumb thing to do.
- Bird Lady: I was afraid of getting my heart broken again. You see, sometimes you can trust a person, and then, when things are down, they forget about you.
- Kevin McCallister: Maybe they're just too busy. Maybe they don't forget about you, but they forget to remember you. l don't think people mean to forget. l think it just happens. My grandfather says if my head wasn't screwed on, I'd leave it on the school bus.
- Bird Lady: I'm just afraid if I do trust someone, I'll get my heart broken again.
- Kevin McCallister: I understand that. l used to have this really nice pair of rollerblades. l was afraid if l wore them, l'd wreck them. So l kept them in a box. Do you know what happened?
- Bird Lady: No.
- Kevin McCallister: I outgrew them. I never wore them once outside. l just wore them in my room a couple times.
- Bird Lady: A person's heart and a person's feelings are very different than skates.
- Kevin McCallister: Well, they're kind of the same thing. lf you aren't going to use your heart, then what's the difference if it gets broken? If you just keep it to yourself, maybe it'll be like my rollerblades. When you do decide to try it, it won't be any good. You should take a chance. Got nothing to lose.
- Bird Lady: A bit of truth in there somewhere.
- Kevin McCallister: I think so. Your heart might still be broken, but it isn't gone. If it was gone, you wouldn't be this nice.
- Bird Lady: Thank you. Do you know that it's been... a couple of years since l've talked to anybody?
- Kevin McCallister: That's okay. You're really good at it. You're not boring. You don't mumble or spit when you talk. You should do it more often. l think you just have to wear an outfit that doesn't have pigeon poop on it.
- Bird Lady: [laughs] l have been working very hard at keeping people away, haven't l?
- Kevin McCallister: l always think l'll have a lot of fun if l'm alone, but when l'm alone, it isn't that much fun at all. I don't care how much people bug me sometimes, l'd rather be with somebody than by myself.
- Bird Lady: So what are you doing running around the streets on Christmas Eve on your own? Did you get into trouble?
- Kevin McCallister: Yeah.
- Bird Lady: You've done something wrong?
- Kevin McCallister: A lot of things.
- Bird Lady: Did you know that a good deed erases a bad deed?
- Kevin McCallister: It's getting pretty late. l don't know if l'll have enough time to do all the good deeds l need to erase all the bad ones l did.
- Bird Lady: Well, it's Christmas Eve. Good deeds count for extra tonight.
- Kevin McCallister: They do?
- Bird Lady: [nods] Of course they do. So what you must do now is you must think of the most important thing that you can do for others and go and do it. Just follow the star in your heart.
- Bird Lady: Okay. It's getting pretty late. I'd better get going.
- Bird Lady: [starts leaving] If I don't see you, I hope everything turns out okay.
- Kevin McCallister: Thank you.
- Kevin McCallister: Say goodbye to your birds for me.
- Bird Lady: I will.
- Kevin McCallister: [looks at her] Merry Christmas.
- Bird Lady: Merry Christmas.
- Kevin McCallister: If you need somebody to trust, it can be me. I won't forget to remember you.
- Bird Lady: Don't make promises you can't keep.
- Kevin McCallister: Hey. You guys give up? Have you had enough pain?
- Marv: Nevah!
- Harry: [Shakes head at Marv]
- [Kevin walks in on Frank singing in the shower and Frank sees him]
- Uncle Frank McCallister: Get outta here, you nosey little pervert, or I'm gonna slap you silly!
- [Kevin runs away and Frank continues singing]
- Uncle Frank McCallister: Ohhh, you're cooookin', Frankie!
- Peter McCallister: Hey Kevin, you better go put your tie on. We don't wanna be late for the Christmas pageant.
- Kevin McCallister: My tie is in the bathroom and I can't go in because Uncle Frank is taking a shower. He says that if I walked in there and saw him naked, I'd grow up never feeling like a real man.
- [Peter and Kate stare]
- Kevin McCallister: Whatever that means.
- Peter McCallister: [after a pause, chuckles] I'm sure he was kidding. Just, uh, run in there, get your tie, get out, and don't look at... Anything.
- Aunt Leslie McCallister: [At the airport, awaiting luggage] Give this to Kevin.
- Tracy McCallister: Give this to Kevin.
- Linnie McCallister: Kevin.
- Buzz McCallister: Give this to Kevin.
- Rod McCallister: Give this to Kevin.
- Sondra McCallister: Give this to Kevin.
- Megan McCallister: Give this to Kevin.
- Jeff McCallister: Give this to Kevin.
- Brooke McCallister: Give this to Kevin.
- Fuller McCallister: Here you go, Kevin.
- [startled when he sees an elderly couple, then hands bag back]
- [last lines]
- Cedrick the Bellman: Mr. McCallister's room service bill, sir.
- [he hands Buzz the bill]
- Cedrick the Bellman: Merry Christmas, sir.
- [he hold out his hand for a tip, of which Buzz hands him gum]
- Cedrick the Bellman: Nice family. Really.
- [Buzz looks at the long room service bill worth over $967.00]
- Buzz McCallister: [sarcastically] Merry Christmas, indeed.
- [loudly]
- Buzz McCallister: Oh, Daaaad...!
- Peter McCallister: [yells out] KEVIN! YOU SPENT $967 ON ROOM SERVICE?
- Kevin McCallister: Oh no. My family's in Florida, and I'm in New York...
- [Gleefully]
- Kevin McCallister: My family's in Florida... I'm in... New York?
- [Marv stands in the doorway of the under re-construction brownhouse, in front of a big hole in the floor]
- Marv: Harry, I've reached the top!
- [Marv steps forward and falls through the hole to the very bottom of the house, in the basement]
- Gangster: [on a video playing on a TV in another room] All right. I believe ya... but my Tommy gun don't! Get down on your knees and tell me you love me!
- Concierge: [to the others] On your knees.
- [they get down on their knees. The Concierge is so embarrassed it takes him a few moments to summon up the nerve to say the words]
- Concierge: [with all the enthusiasm he can muster] I love you!
- [in the other room, Kevin snickers and hits the play button again]
- Gangster: You gotta do better than that!
- Concierge, Bellman, Desk Clerk, Cliff, Security Guard: [chorusing] I love you!
- Mr. E.F. Duncan, Owner Duncan's Toy Chest: You see that tree there? Well, to show our appreciation for your generosity, I'm gonna let you select an object from that tree that you can take home with you.
- Kevin McCallister: For free?
- Mr. E.F. Duncan, Owner Duncan's Toy Chest: Oh, yes. Oh, and may I make a suggestion? Take the turtle doves.
- Kevin McCallister: I can have two?
- Mr. E.F. Duncan, Owner Duncan's Toy Chest: Well, two turtle doves. I'll tell you what you do: you keep one, and you give the other one to a very special person. You see, turtle doves are a symbol of friendship and love. And as long as each of you has your turtle dove, you'll be friends forever.
- Kevin McCallister: Wow, I never knew that. I thought they were just part of a song.
- Mr. E.F. Duncan, Owner Duncan's Toy Chest: They are. And for that very special reason.
- Kate McCallister: [counting passports] 11, 12, 13... Where's Kevin?
- Kevin McCallister: [appears in front seat and takes the last passport] Fourteen. It's a good thing I have my own ticket, just in case you guys try to ditch me.
- Cedric the Bellman: You know, Herbert Hoover once stayed here on this floor.
- Kevin McCallister: The vacuum guy?
- Cedric the Bellman: No, the uh, President.
- Kate McCallister, Peter McCallister: [awakening late on morning of travel, again] We did it again! Aaah!
- Harry: Sonny!
- Kevin McCallister: Yes?
- Harry: Nothing would thrill me more greatly than to shoot you. Knocking off a youngster ain't gonna mean all that much to me. Okay? But since we're in a hurry, I'll made a deal with you: you throw down your camera and we won't hurt you. You'll never hear from us again. Okay?
- Kevin McCallister: You promise?
- Harry: I cross my heart and hope to die.
- Officer Bennett: [talking on the phone] Merry Christmas.
- [hangs up and shakes his head]
- Officer Bennett: No sign of him. Well, we're gonna have to be able to get ahold of you. Do you have hotel arrangements?
- Peter McCallister: Yeah.
- Officer Bennett: Do you have a, uh, a recent photo of the boy?
- [Kate looks in her purse]
- Peter McCallister: I have one in my wallet.
- [checks his pants]
- Peter McCallister: I don't *have* my wallet.
- [Kate looks at him]
- Peter McCallister: My wallet's in my bag.
- [realising]
- Peter McCallister: Kevin was looking into my bag at the airport. He was looking for batteries. Kevin has my wallet.
- Officer Bennett: [points to Peter] Did you have credit cards in the wallet?
- Peter McCallister: [shrugs] Credit cards, money...
- Officer Bennett: We'll notify the credit card companies immediately. If your son has the cards, we can get a location on him *when* and *if* he uses them.
- Kate McCallister: [shakes her head] No, I don't think Kevin even knows how to *use* a credit card.
- [Kevin is watching a video of an old gangster movie]
- Gangster: [on TV] You was here last night too, wasn't ya?
- Dame: [on TV] I was singing at the Blue Monkey last night.
- Kevin McCallister: She was not, she was smooching with your brother.
- Gangster: You was here. And you was smoochin' with my brother!
- Kevin McCallister: See?
- Marv: He made us hide out in the store so we could steal all the kiddies' charity money.
- Harry: [Kicks Marv] Shut up, Marv! Got the right to remain silent, you know.
- Marv: He's a little cranky. We just broke out of prison a few days ago.
- Harry: [Kicks Marv again] Shut up, Marv! Geez.
- Policeman: Get'em outta here.
- Marv: Remember, if this makes the papers, we're no longer the Wet Bandits, we're the Sticky Bandits!
- Harry: [Kicks Marv again] Shut up!
- Marv: That's S...
- Harry: [Kicks Marv again] Shut up!
- Marv: ...T...
- [Gets kicked again]
- Marv: Ummm...
- Harry: I.
- Marv: ...I...
- Brooke McCallister: [passing Kevin's bag back down the line] Kevin's not here.
- Jeff McCallister: Kevin's not here.
- Megan McCallister: Kevin's not here.
- Sondra McCallister: Kevin's not here.
- Rod McCallister: Kevin's not here.
- Linnie McCallister: Kevin's not here.
- Tracy McCallister: Kevin's not here.
- Aunt Leslie McCallister: Kevin's not here.
- Kate McCallister: Kevin's not here.
- Peter McCallister: WHAT?
- Kate McCallister: [laughing, then surprised] KEVIN!
- [faints]
- Harry: [Yelling up to Kevin] Sonny.
- Kevin McCallister: Yeah!
- Harry: Nothing would make me happier than to kill you. Knockin' off a youngster doesn't mean a lot to me. But, since we're in a hurry, I'll make a deal with you. Throw down your camera, and we won't hurt you, you'll never hear from us again.
- Kevin McCallister: You promise?
- Harry: [Rubbing his chest with his finger] I cross my heart and hope to die.
- Kevin McCallister: Okay.
- Harry: Okay, kid. Give it to me.
- [Then Kevin picks up a brick and tosses it down, hitting Marv and he collapses to the ground]
- Kevin McCallister: Direct hit!
- Harry: [Holds up his fingers] How many fingers am I holding up, Marv?
- Marv: [Dazed] Uh, eight.
- Harry: [to Kevin] Okay, kid. You wanna throw bricks, go ahead and throw another one.
- [Kevin throws another brick and it hits Marv]
- Harry: If you can't do any better than that kid, you're gonna lose.
- Marv: Harry, no.
- [Kevin throws down another brick, hitting Marv again]
- Harry: You got anymore?
- [to Marv]
- Harry: C'mon Marv! Get up! He don't got anymore bricks. He's out of 'em.
- [Marv points up and makes incoherent noises, signaling that Kevin is about to throw another brick]
- Harry: What?
- [Kevin throws the brick, and once again hits Marv]
- Harry: That did it! Nobody throws bricks at me and gets away with it.
- [to Marv]
- Harry: C'mon Marv. Get up. You go this way, I'll go around back.
- Marv: [Still Dazed] Harry. Harry. Harry.
- Kevin McCallister: Excuse me, where's the lobby?
- Donald Trump: Down the hall and to the left.
- Kevin McCallister: Thanks.
- Harry: What store is going to make the most cash on Christmas Eve that nobody's gonna think to rob?
- Marv: Candy stores!
- Harry: Nine-year-olds rob candy stores, Marv. This is what I had in mind.
- [shows him an ad for Duncan's Toy Chest]
- Marv: That's brilliant, Harry. Brilliant.
- Harry: Yep. There's nobody dumb enough to knock off a toy store on Christmas Eve.
- Marv: Oh yes, there is.
- [Points to Harry, then points to self]
- Mr. Hector, Hotel Concierge: I do hope your father understands that last night I was simply checking the room to make sure everything was in order.
- Kevin McCallister: Well he was pretty mad.
- Mr. Hector, Hotel Concierge: He was?
- Kevin McCallister: He said he didn't come all the way to New York to get his naked rear end spied on.
- Buzz McCallister: Okay, everybody, calm down! Calm down! Hey, hey! All right, now, if Kevin hadn't have screwed up in the first place again... Then we wouldn't be in this most perfect and huge hotel room with a truck load of all this free stuff. So I think it only fair that Kevin get to open up the first present. And then I'll go, and the rest of you, and so on.
- [Tosses a package to Kevin]
- Buzz McCallister: Merry Christmas, Kevin.
- Kevin McCallister: Thanks, Buzz.
- Peter McCallister: [the entire family applauds] Merry Christmas, Kevin.
- Uncle Frank McCallister: Okaaay, Kevin! All right, Merry Christmas!
- Buzz McCallister: Okay, enough of this gooey sh... Show of emotion. All right, everyone, let's dig in!
- Concierge: And how are we this morning?
- Kevin McCallister: Fine. Is my transportation here?
- Concierge: Out in front, sir. A limousine and a... pi-zza! Compliments of the Plaza Hotel.
- Kevin McCallister: I'm sorry, you wanted a tip.
- Cedrick the Bellman: That won't be necessary, sir. I still have some...
- [Shows Kevin a piece of chewed gum]
- Cedrick the Bellman: tip left over.
- Kevin McCallister: [takes out a bundle of cash] No tip? Okay.
- [Kevin closes the door as Cedric repeatedly begs him not to close it]
- Cedrick the Bellman: Uh, no, no, no, wait, wait, wait...
- Kevin McCallister: Excuse me, but this is an emergency. What city is it out there?
- NY Ticket Agent: It's New York, sir.
- Kevin McCallister: [Gasps] Yikes, I did it again.
- NY Ticket Agent: Something's wrong, sir?
- Kevin McCallister: [in shocked whisper] I'll be fine...
- Cop in Times Square: Look, put yourself in your kid's shoes. Where would you go? What would you do?
- Kate McCallister: I'd probably be lying dead in a gutter somewhere... but not Kevin, Kevin is so much stronger and braver than I am. But he's still a kid lost in a big city, he doesn't deserve that. He should be at home with his family around his Christmas tree... oh my God, I know where he is, I need to get to Rockefeller Center immediately.
- [Kevin walks outside to see a white limousine parked in front of the Plaza Hotel]
- Cedrick the Bellman: [opening a box] Mr. McCallister, here's your very own... cheese pizza.