- Lee Israel: I have been living in a state of enormous guilt and anxiety for the past year. Not because I felt like I was doing something wrong, but because I was always afraid of being found out. I can't specifically say that I regret my actions. I don't. I thoroughly enjoyed writing these letters, living in the world of Dorothy Parker and Noel Coward, pretending I was something I am not. In many ways, this has been the best time of my life. It's the only time recently I can remember being proud of the work I was doing. But it wasn't my work, was it? I was hiding behind these people, their names. Because if I'd actually put myself out there, done my own work, then I would be opening myself up to criticism. And I'm too much of a coward for all of that. I've lost my cat, the only soul that truly loved me, maybe ever. And I lost my friend, who might have been an idiot, but tolerated me, and was nice to have around. And I've realized that I'm not a real writer. In the end, it was not worth it.
- Lee Israel: You were friends with Julia...
- Jack Hock: Steinberg. She's not an agent anymore - she died.
- Lee Israel: She did? So young.
- Jack Hock: Or maybe she didn't die. Maybe she just moved to the suburbs - I always confuse those two. No, that's right. She got married and had twins.
- Lee Israel: Better to have died.
- Lee Israel: I'm writing a book about Fanny Brice.
- Jack Hock: Who's Fanny Brice?
- Lee Israel: Are you sure you're a fag?
- Lee Israel: I trusted you. I don't know if you've noticed this, but I don't do that. And you have reminded me why that is.
- Gossipy Office Worker: [first lines: as Lee drinks whiskey at her desk] I swear she's older than my mom.
- Cubicle Worker: Fuck, kill me if I'm still doing this at her age.
- Lee Israel: Kill you now if you ask me nicely.
- Lee Israel: I have figured out a way to pay my bills, without shoveling shit, and it is a good feeling.
- Marjorie: Nobody wants a book about Fanny Brice. There's nothing new and sexy about Fanny Brice. Nobody will give you a ten dollar advance for a book about Fanny Brice!
- Lee Israel: You pissed in a closet.
- Jack Hock: I did what?
- Lee Israel: You pissed in a closet. Now I remember. Nobody could stop talking about the English gentleman...
- Jack Hock: Why thank you.
- Lee Israel: Who was so shit-faced, he mistook the closet for the can. You ruined thousands of dollars worth of furs. Those old biddies didn't know what hit them!
- [both laugh]
- Lee Israel: Oh the disgusting furs covered in piss. Dogs followed them home!
- Jack Hock: [laughing] Oh I'm glad somebody found it amusing. Some folks stopped talking to me after that night.
- Lee Israel: Well, fuck 'em!
- Lee Israel: Give me one good reason why that cocky shit gets three million dollars and you can't give me ten thousand? Are you that bad of an agent?
- Marjorie: Toni, could you please close the door? Miss Israel have some sensitive business to discuss.
- Lee Israel: Yeah, God forbid you have to hear an adult conversation, Toni!
- Marjorie: I'll give you three reasons. Number one, Tom Clancy is famous.
- Lee Israel: Oh, here we go!
- Marjorie: Yes, you have written a couple of successful biographies and you've managed to disappear behind your subject matter. But because of that, nobody knows who you are!
- Lee Israel: Because I'm doing my job!
- Marjorie: Number two, Tom Clancy does every radio show. He does Larry King, he goes to book signings, he plays the game. Meanwhile, you have destroyed every bridge I have built for you.
- Lee Israel: See that is beside the point, I am doing good writing!
- Marjorie: Number three, nobody wants a book about Fanny Brice! There is nothing new or sexy about Fanny Brice. I couldn't get you a ten dollar advance for a book about Fanny Brice!