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Review of Valley 911

Valley 911 (2004 Video)
The Wicked crew on an off-day (actually 2-day wonder)
14 August 2017
Jonathan Morgan delivers dull sex scenes and barely a laugh in the send- up of the popular TV comedy series "Reno 911!". It's merely an excuse to extract another title for the then-viable video stores by putting Wicked contract girls to work for a few hours each.

Steven St. Croix leads the team of bumbling cops through five vignettes showing routine police work and even more routine humping. In the BTS short subject Morgan explains that while he had written a full script he emphasizes ad libbing to enhance the comedy (to no avail).

Chief unfunny culprit is Eric Masterson, wearing shades throughout and extremely repetitious in his use of catch phrases, whether from the script or made up by him. He gets to hump star Julia Ann in the finale, a reward for bad behavior.

Co-star Jessica Drake seems to be playing her nothing role under protest. She goes undercover posing as a hooker to hump guest star Brad Armstrong in a dumb scene, way beneath her dignity.

St. Croix gets to moonlight alongside Trevor Zen as a porn actor for a day, humping the beautiful and exotic pair of Kaylani Lei and Cherokee when they go to write tickets on a porn set. The NonSex role of the porn director is well-played but uncredited.

Another uncredited performance is by a cute little brunette who distracts the cops while they're on duty during a sting operation (the Drake prostitute one), and she deserved a mention, even though she has no sex scene.

Playing favorites, Morgan does give screen credit to Mark Nicholson, erstwhile production manager and producer for Wicked, who dresses up in a clown suit for some idiotic slapstick chased by St. Croix.

It's a stupid film, with Morgan's script running the already overworked notion of cops strictly motivated by fulfilling their quotas of writing tickets into the ground.
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