Quotes

I have no fans. You know what I got? Customers. And customers are your friends.

I'm the most translated writer in the world, behind [Vladimir Lenin], [Lev Tolstoy], [Maxim Gorky] and Jules Verne. And they're all dead . . .

I used to write fast-- now my rear end gets tired. I'm not full of vinegar anymore.

I'm a writer, not an author. A writer makes money.

[Sen. Joseph McCarthy] was a nit-head. He didn't know what was going on. He was a slob.

I never drank. A beer maybe, sometimes. Never liked hanging around bars. I don't smoke, either.