I don't like the movie you like

Wow this cast of characters set a new standard for stupid people in movies. Honestly I forgot how many scenes contained a main character standing in place and doing nothing while everyone else is getting eaten nearby.

The trailer for this movie and the fact that Eli Roth was involved might make you think it was going to be shocking and scary. You are incorrect.

This found-footage film is standing strong at the top of the worst acting and writing I've seen in this genre. Also the pace is slower than a dead slug.

Honestly with the volume of talent crammed into this movie there should have been more laughs. Oh hey a giant demon penis.

To say this movie was ridiculous is a gross understatement. As soon as Darth Maul shows up my brain checks out. I have never laughed out loud at a "serious" horror movie before this one.

I really wonder what everyone sees in this movie that I don't. The plot and logic deficiencies in this movie are staggering. It's as if you went to an authentic taco stand and when you unwrapped your burrito you found a Taco Bell taco instead. Where to begin? Most low-budget movies can get away with glaring plot problems and ridiculous notions without much face-palming by the audience. This movie however, should have known better.
First off is the idea of this super-secret organization that has been orchestrating this elaborate game of cat and mouse for decades it seems. Who are they? Who funds them? Are they a government agency that operates entirely outside the law? If these 'rituals' have been going on for years and at the same location, did no one notice? We are made to assume in this story that it is just a normal American world where it takes place. If there has been a multitude of murders at the Cabin, then why doesn't anyone know about it? The cheesy back-woods we-don't-like-your-kind-around-here hillbilly doesn't help the cause either.
So, let's say just for fun that none of that stuff bothers me. Now we have this cabin where stereotypical college kids decide they should stay at. They have no idea that they have just stepped into the friggin' 6th dimension and that all logic, science and reason have just taken the A-train to crazyville. They 'accidentally' discover the creepy cellar where lots of generic scary-movie props have been stored over the years. "Hey nothing could possibly happen by reciting this latin stuff written in a diary about a family of murdering psychopaths right?" Wrong. You're in crazytown now. You see, this is where the problem starts. There is absolutely no pretext for ANY of the supernatural things that happen in the movie. Nothing. In Nightmare on Elm street, it was an avenging spirit of a man burned to death. In the Jason movies, it was established early on that he was seeking revenge for the murder of his mother and he could not be killed. In most horror movies, groundrules are established. There were NONE in Cabin.
So with the press of a button, apparently these program operators could suspend time, space and matter and conjure just about anything they needed. Need to alter the ambient light in the forrest? The temperature? Boom, done. Need to make someone say an exact phrase you want him to say? Boom, fog. Done. Want to ensure two people knock boots in the woods? Bam, foggy sex-cloud. As crazy as it sounds, that isn't even the tip of the ice-crazy-berg. Where did that magic force field come from? What generates it? Did no one notice a surprising drop in local wildlife that got fried when they touched the thing? Guess not.
Here's where things get super idiotic. Did I fail to mention that these programmers can summon any creppy-crawly they want at the press of a button? Well they can. So in shambles the undead zombie family the kids conjured with the diary. What exactly are these things? Are they 'real' zombies? Who knows? Not us! Also someone decided to house this giant company where hundreds of people work and monitor these rituals, right under the cabin. Seems right to me. So then we find out that this company has THOUSANDS of the worst nightmares come to life stored in little glass boxes under ground in this complex rotating elevator-thingy. Where in the name of Thomas Jeffersons' left nut did they all come from?!!! How did they get there? How are they kept in those cells? And who's idea was it to put them in the same place where everyone works? It's a good thing no one made a button that releases ALL OF THEM! Oh wait yes they did. Don't worry though cause these smart people have a team of 20 SWAT guys to save all the people who work there. Crap, everyone's dead now.
Here comes the mother of all stupid plot lines in any movie ever made up until now. The complex ritual seen in the movie is to please a god that lives, you guessed it; under the same cabin and complex underground! If they don't get it exactly right, the god-monster-thing will destroy the earth. Guess what else? They only have till 8AM to get it done exactly correct. If it was so vital they get it right, why not just kidnap the people and do it themselves? Oh yeah, cause that would make sense. Also, how did the god get down there? What has kept it down there? Why does my head hurt so much? If I had a few weeks to just talk about how awful this movie was, maybe I could cover everything. I really don't feel like spending any more time on this one and you shouldn't either.

Ok why in the sam-hill did they take so long to return to this franchise? By the way that's not a good thing. Everything about this movie is wrong. Even Harrison Ford is boring somehow. Also one of the most disappointing endings to any movie I have ever seen. ALIENS!!

I guess there are supposed to be scares in this film. I must have missed them all. Yawn.

I really hoped this movie was going to be scary and original. Sadly it was neither of those and a few more. At the end I couldn't think of anything else besides the bad guy looking like an Uruk-hai from LOTR.

Face-morphing? Really? That's supposed to be scary? It's not.