Lost and Found

Ostensibly just another vehicle for contract actress Bibi Jones, "Lost and Found" is a bit worse than usual. Robby D., who calls this a "getaway" rather than a joint, seems to be shooting on autopilot.

Attempting to make sense out of nonsense, I determined that the hook for an hour and a half of nothingness set at a beachfront time-share is the title basket of discarded objects sitting in the foyer near the entrance. But the tenuous connection of said objects to the action is so flimsy I'm surprised they didn't just say "The hell with it!" and shoot an all-sex feature.

Keiran Lee pops up on loan from Brazzers following the merger of Dig. Playground with that big-tits label. He plays Bibi's boyfriend who is apparently a workaholic, chafing at her dictum that no phones or computers allowed during their weekend at the beach. So-called comedy erupts when she throws his pesky phone in the sand and he later cheats, working on his laptop. The scene of her getting mad at him as he leaves is so poorly played by Keiran I couldn't believe my eyeballs.

Before this ill-matched duo hump, we are treated to a lesbian scene by intruders Kayden Kross and Celeste Star, sort of squatters for the moment at the beach house. Celeste is a lesbian cinema icon and Kayden is just another contract player fulfilling a commitment.

These and the other vignettes all have some vague relationship to an object in the Goodwill lost & found basket, but i failed to recognized any significance. Apparently Robby felt guilty about stringing footage together and calling it a feature, an attitude Dig. Playground has abandoned more recently as many of their new releases are just that - a bunch of random footage sold as a DVD.

I was glad to see a "never made it" favorite of mine, big-tits McKenzee Pierce, as well as a no-name redhead Jessica Robbin horning in on Pierce's eye candy casting niche. Typical of the lame attempt to kill time, we have clunky James Deen pop up to give Bibi a lesson in what Polaroid cameras are all about, merely to make all us viewers feel very, very old. You guessed it, an old Polaroid camera ready to take pictures was sitting in the Lost & Found bin. Robby D. is so untalented and chintzy that he doesn't even show us any of the resulting Polaroids, let alone a montage of Bibi photographed with the camera - its existence is merely a talking point.