Common Law Wife

Annabelle Weenick has been shacked up with rich, creepy George Edgley for five years now. He's grown tired of her and tells her to get out so niece Lacey Kelly can take care of him. She consults a lawyer, buys a wedding band, and tells him that under the laws of the state, they're actually married, and she's going nowhere. Meanwhile, Miss Kelly shows up, crawls into uncle lap, and goes to stay with her sister until matters settle. Deciding that it would be best if Edgley died, she sleeps with her brother-in-law, the town's sheriff, and when he turns down her idea, she sleeps with moonshiner Bert Masters.

Much is implied, but little is shown save good-looking women in their foundation garments. Apparently Larry Buchanan shot some footage, had to abandon the project, and then Eric Sayers shot some more.

While there is little doubt in my mind that a collaboration of sleaze could be very interesting, these two auteurs are not John Waters and David Lynch. They're a couple of players on the edge between smoking-room pornography and exploitation films, working with performers who look good but can't do much. Edgley is a creepy, mean old man, I'll give you that, and the camerawork is good if inconsistent, but I'm sure William Wyler wasn't sitting up late worrying about this competition.

I rented this DVD because the auteur of crap, Larry Buchanan ("Zontar: Thing From Venus" and "Mars Needs Women") made part of the film. Originally, Buchanan started a project named "Swamp Rose" but ran out of money. And another bad movie maker incorporated this into his film "Common Law Wife".

"Common Law Wife" is a super-low budget film--made with a minuscule budget, no-name actors and lots of strippers--strippers that show practically nothing. It's a lot of tease and no please--the sort of crap-fest that was relatively common in sleazy drive-ins in the 1960s.

The film begins with a nasty old rich guy telling his live-in girlfriend to get lost. According to this old rogue, she's seen better days and he intends to bring his very sexy stripper niece to move in with him. Wow...an old pervert looking for a good 'ol case of incest! Talk about your family-friendly plots! However, the old girlfriend (who looks a LOT like Rose Marie from "The Dick Van Dyke Show") is not about to just wander off and die. She consults a lawyer who informs her that according to the rules of that state, she is actually the old goat's common-law wife, as they've been posing as a married couple for five years. So, when the nymphet niece shows up, the slighted girlfriend announces to both of them that she's NOT leaving. And, since the niece is a total gold-digger who wants the uncle's fortune, you know sparks are going to fly. What happens next you'll need to see for yourself...if you even care!

While the plot is sleazy, it could have actually worked. However, the film has a lot working against it. Crappy acting, of course. But much of the film looks like aimless filler--with dancing and swimming and stripping scenes which are obvious filler. Another problem is that the two films seem to have nothing in common. And none of it fits together seamlessly. For example, in one irrelevant scene, a sexy lady is cavorting in the pool with her boyfriend. She then runs inside and her hair is instantly dry. Why? Because it's NOT the same lady nor the same boyfriend--they are from the other film! And, I loved how some of the film stock looked very different from previous reels! How did they handle this? Well, they sloppily inserted voice-overs to try to hide that which was impossible to hide! Duh. But, since the film is a low-budget trash-fest, the filmmakers didn't seem to care in the least. And, considering the audience of the time wasn't made up of film connoisseurs, I assume they didn't care very much either. I just appreciated how the whole thing was a textbook example of incompetence on every level--the sort of film Ed Wood or Al Adamson would be proud to have made!

So is it worth seeing?! After all, I gave this one a very well-deserved 1. Well, no...not if you are sane. But, if you occasionally like a bad movie for a laugh, then this film is for you! Plus, the ending is pretty cool. Just don't let your mother catch you watching it!

By the way, I loved how the sheriff in one film has grey hair and the other it's jet-black!

Originally shot as Swamp Rose a few years earlier, then chopped up and added to new film shot by a different director and even featuring 2 different actresses playing one character - somehow strange forces intervened and created this booze-soaked trashfest of enjoyability. Baby Doll is coming to town to stay with and "take care of" her Uncle Shug, but unfortunately he's having a problem getting rid of his common-law wife who refuses to leave (played by the ever overacting, always entertaining cult star Annabelle Weenick). Baby Doll is played by 2 different actresses, but I didn't notice until after I read it - and is a beautiful atrocious monster who you just can't take your eyes off of. Trashy fun with a great ending.

"Common Law Wife," a made-in-Texas drive-in quickie directed by exploitation maestro Larry Buchanan ("Mars Needs Women," etc.) has it all: inept cinematography, bad acting, dubbing that's reminiscent of a Sir Run Run Shaw production, and, best of all, twisted, hate-filled characters like lusty old Uncle Shug, who wants to get rid of his aging common law wife, a shrieking harridan played by Anne McAdams (who would go on to have a lengthy career), so he can shack up with his niece, Jonelle, who wants to get rid of HIM -- permanent-like! Jonelle (stripper name: Baby Doll) has been takin' it all off in New Orleans, and damn if they didn't cast a real stripper in the part!

No nudity here, just your garden variety sleaze and down-home depravity. They don't make 'em like this any more, which is either a good thing or a bad thing...

In her film debut in the title role, veteran exploitation queen Annabelle Weenick (under her original alias of Anne MacAdams) really brings the opening and closing scenes of this misanthropic trash shot in Forney in Texas to life; and it lags badly during the interminable middle section when she's offscreen.

That the script is by a woman may account for why the scenes between the female characters are far more entertaining than those with the men - with the notable exception of those between Linda and her rancid old sugar daddy Shugfoot Rainey. Did the sheriff's wife pleading with her sister Jonelle not to steal her husband inspire Dolly Parton?

The uncredited jazz score - presumably library music - gives kick to the proceedings.