A timid con man panics when he learns he's going to prison for fraud, so he hires a reclusive martial arts guru who helps transform him into a kung fu expert with the ability to fight off convicts who want to either hurt or love him.
A man finally finds faith in himself after the rest of world puts its faith in him; the sole being on earth who can save mankind from its own destruction - The Chosen One.
Rob Schneider tells the side-splitting stories of the three hoods: childhood, adulthood, and parenthood. From closet farts to his sex life, Rob isn't holding back any of the dirty details.
Patricia thinks Rob is taking his VIP status for granted. Jamie forgets to feed Patricia's fish and needs to get a replacement. Rob takes a mime class.
Trying to get back in shape, Rob feels he has to prove that he's still attractive, even to gay men. He and Jamie also have to organize Miranda's birthday party.
Angered that zombies and vampires have been added to his semi-autobiographical sit-com, Rob quits the show, then finds out he's broke. It's Patricia's opening night and a personal appearance by Ryan Gosling is too expensive so a replacement has to be found.
Rob advertises a male enhancement product, thinking it only be shown in Asian territories. When a giant billboard pops up in Hollywood, he tasks Jamie and his agent Andy to do get rid of it as soon as possible.
Jamie hurts his back while moving furniture with Rob into the new house. Patricia makes more money doing a commercial than Rob doing voice work on 'Starfish Wars'.
Rob and Jamie try to get rid of some of Rob's old stuff. Patricia wants Miranda to make friends at preschool, so she organizes the best play date ever. Rob is more interested in befriending another parent: Paul McCartney's guitarist Dusty Lane.
Jealous of Patricia's success as an actress, Rob decides to take a serious part in a no-budget indie picture. He also takes her place at Miranda's school giving an 'excitement' speech.
Rob is in training for a martial arts picture. Patricia wants to take a break after the finale of her soap. Jamie is celebrating his engagement with Allison.
Patricia insists that the new house is sprayed for spiders but Rob is more interested in an infrared sauna. Together they search for the right preschool to enroll Miranda in.
On his way to Vegas for a gig, Rob gets stuck at Bob Hope Airport where Danny Trejo introduces him to being Zen. Meanwhile, Patricia is working on her own career and moving exorcise equipment into the house.
