I've been thinking how my life has bothered me, as years pass one after another I am already 20. And I feel older somehow, what's sad is this might be my last article if the shit that happens in Russia won't improve or my life for that matter, although I am really supposed to be putting together a bench right now cough cough... So, I wanted to write an article as the summary of happenings in my mind on usual simple topic of modern age, the internet and all that...

The world is just so crappy.

This might be the worst intro to any essay but I am not gonna be optimistic here. There is way too many things happening and many things are like half relevant, no practically zero relevance. Especially, on the web where there is constant lack of real human interaction but even in real experience I have felt this isolation, maybe I am the only one? It is possible, but I was questioning myself like what if I am just weird. I don't think this is the sole issue here... The world has been getting antisocial with me, or at least I hypothize so. What is the point of our lives? To work? Forever?

Is it to make our dreams come true? Hell, it is very difficult to even buy your own estate or to live paying rents, alone long-term dreams, all of that leaving yourself to constant labor with countless parasocial relationships and whatnot.

I feel it's very difficult to connect with normal people in the environment, confused about being happy over puny monotonous details of life. Also, feeling empty about doing things in life. Everyday I walk outside of my city, I observe couples and men smoking chatting about this and that, daily. Some people are so lively, it's like there is some carnival where everybody is happy but I am the only gap. If all of us people were tasked with a single mission, I would definitely be a joint in the force because I wouldn't feel easy on going with the people. There's just some nihilism in staying lonely for so long and having such meaningless friendships in your life, so cruel. Repeat and repeat without feeling stronger or more solidified, that what scares me too!

How many interactions do we have in our society that are just utterly pointless? How many chitchats and conversations that get nowhere at all? Am I the only one who experiences this eternal forever-alone meme? The Internet has only made things worse, in fact here friendships are even narrower and more meaningless than beforehand. I understand why the politics became such focus in the west, because they use politics to filter out relationships and smalltalk, as to say "friendships" are built here already, instead of checking on person. There are like tiny ways to make a group of people more sociable, one of them is religion, or hobby or the music genre. All when they can say, "wow we are special from normies", that is in my opinion way to hard to sell for me. I am generalist and a real spy, I can pretend to like any hobbies or either religion but that is harmful. I can't decide how to stick with someone anywhere, that is what becomes too problematic for me, sadly for all my youth. I hate this but it would be easier to live in the Prehistoric Era where we were fighting sabertooth cats and enormous boars for the survival.. How could have things gone so complex so fast?!!