Pre-game chemistry forecasts
DMZ · June 27, 2008 at 10:32 pm · Filed Under Mariners
Hey, if chemistry’s so important to a team’s success, why doesn’t anyone report the clubhouse mood before each game? Seems like that’d be just as important as the lineups, which we get about an hour ahead of time.
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PRETTY EASY TO SAY FROM THE EASY CHAIR IN YOUR LIVING ROOM, BRAH.
Yup. What was I thinking, here in the office?
If I had a fetching fedora with the little “PRESS” card in the band, I’d do it.
Please don’t give anyone ideas, Derek. I could see this being a new feature on Sunday Night Baseball.
Did you decide on a new computer yet? You’ll need one if they come out with a live Chemistry Meter that tracks their minute by minute mood.
Ooh, maybe they could combine it with the Jorve Roof Report.
They should use a dipstick to measure it.
I nominate Rick Rizzs.
I’m totally serious about this: if this is that important of a factor, and the ups and downs of the clubhouse so greatly affect the performances of the players, it should be covered like any other significant aspect of the game, and we should see insiders be able to gauge the mood and speak about what it means to the game ahead.
If a player’s injured, that’s news that affects the game, and it’s reported — why isn’t the mood in the clubhouse treated the same way?
This’d be a good use for all the former players turned broadcasters.
Sort of like the Jorve Roof report?
Who would sponsor the team chemistry report?
I know– issue all the players mood rings.
Who would sponsor the team chemistry report?
Wow. As evidenced by the size of the local chapter of the American Institute of Chemical Engineers, the Pacific Northwest isn’t exactly a hotbed locale for “Better Living Through Chemistry”. Maybe the best commercial tie-in would be for Kalama Chemical Company, presuming they weren’t already in bed with The Beavers.
Its too bad this wasn’t thought of when Bavasi was GM. He probably would’ve figured out a way to do this.
sponsor?
here you go:
Analytical Chemistry Inc. of Tukwila
But it would lead to trying to measure and report every comment “senior baseball insiders” have of the game. It would be impossible.
The problem is, no one can agree what good chemistry means.
We know what bad chemistry looks like: guys attacking each other with Gatorade tubs in the dugout, 25 cabs, yadda yadda. Or, alternatively, the too-placid clubhouse, where players JUST DON’T CARE if they win or lose, it’s all the same in the hot tub, brah.
What we really need is a FIRED UP meter. Guys accidentally breaking their knuckles on their locker doors (wait, they don’t actually have lockers anymore, do they?) Inspirational speeches. Shaving cream pies. Huzzahs audible on Fourth Avenue South. Tears in the pregame huddle. Lots and lots of butt-patting, but never in a gay way, am I right, fellas?
How do you measure that?
Must be some kind of a meter. They could put it on Gameday.
In ponies, of course. Like if Richie gives WFB a “hot foot” before the game, that might be evidence of four pony chemistry. However, if Silva follows RRS around the clubhouse saying “a dingo took my baby” over and over until RRS breaks Silva’s nose, well, that’s likely scored as one pony chemistry.
More signs of how to tell if Mariner team chemistry is good:
-Players share time in the whirlpool/hot tub together while drinking pina coladas with little umbrellas in them.
-Richie Sexson volunteering to give everybody backrubs.
-Miguel Batista brings his guitar and serenades random players at their lockers.
-Jarrod Washburn and Kenji Johjima having weekend sleepovers (ala Derek Jeter and A-Rod).
-Raul Ibanez asking people to pull his finger.
-Ichiro offering to give fashion tips to the bullpen.
They way I see it is, if clubhouse problems are reported, and they become public issues, that creates much more of a distraction then being able to take care of these issues in house. Not that I disagree with any of the points made thus far. This just seems to me like something that is better taken care of privately within the clubhouse, where as if bad chemistry was publicly disclosed, little disagreements (which I am sure happen all the time) would probably blow up in the media and just cause more problems then necessary.
These guys ought to be a good choice, though apparently they recently changed their name from “TruGreen ChemLawn” to just “TruGreen”, so maybe not. Hmm, wonder why they changed their name?
I’m not suggesting that I know how you’d best measure it. After all, I haven’t been hanging around in major league clubhouses for years and years. But since people who have believe that they can, then it’s entirely reasonable to expect them to do it.
People are going the wrong direction on this. We don’t need an expert in chemistry, but in human relationships.
Add Dr. Joyce Brothers to the booth. She has experience broadcasting baseball from “Naked Gun.” She can comment on how well everyone is getting along, and would be able to see under the surface if there’s anything really going wrong underneath.
Zing!!!!
Oh, and mln – Does Batista play guitar too? I know he’s a sax player. His idol is Kenny G. Which is one more reason for me not to like him. (Other than, you know, hiding injuries and serving up meatballs over the plate.)
I know Raul is learning guitar, and RRS is picking up bass…If Batista brought his sax and they all had pre-game jam sessions for the entire clubhouse, that would be like 8 pony chemistry!