All You Need to Know

My buddy Ed and I were talking about the ancient art of self-gratification last week when he wondered aloud how many of the United States he had "mastered," so to speak. I'd never thought of that before, but estimated my count to be somewhere around 7 or 8. Not an impressive stat for the self-proclaimed Jolly Llama of hand-to-gland combat. So Ed suggested I put the question to the public so we could get a feel for the national mean.

So? In how many of the American States have you achieved libidinal enlightenment by becoming one with yourself?